deep thoughts not deep toots.

at the beginning of the school year, my Lover gave each of our tErds a special father's blessing. the blessings are more for the kids going to school to bless them to do well, be a good examples for their friends, make righteous choices, etc.

as usual, Lover is prompted by the spirit to say special things in each child's blessing that pertains specifically to their needs and strengths.

i sat there that night and listened to each blessing with the spirit in my heart, so thankful that i had been blessed with 5 of heavenly father's choice spirits to live in these latter days. i had been chosen to be their earthly mother, to lead and guide them, to walk beside them. as if my testimony that heavenly father knows us better than we know ourselves wasn't strong enough, the blessings that night solidified it even more.

miah's blessing stood out very loudly for me that night.

louder than the rest of the children's blessings.

he was blessed with

the strength to do the best that he can do.

and as long as he did that,

heavenly father would do the rest.

as most of you may know, miah is adopted and since starting school, we have noticed some significant learning delays that are more than likely attributed to his genetic makeup. things that his mom, sister, brothers, cousins, etc. probably struggle with. it's been frustrating for me to watch him struggle and i'll admit that i've lost it with him more than 1 or 2 or 10 times because in the moment, i don't understand how he can't figure certain things out that seem so simple. things that jake or kora easily picked up when they were 3 or 4.

miah has been placed in special reading and math classes in each school he's attended to help him progress but here we are, halfway through his 1st grade year and he's still lagging behind significantly. sometimes when i think about it i get angry. i'm angry at the school for not helping him more and listening to me. i'm angry at his birth family for giving him this genetic makeup, and sadly, i even get angry at miah. it's been difficult for everyone to say the least.

but.

today i was able to take the two little brothers and journey to the school for miah's christmas music program. i was late, and hot and sweaty and i was holding gus who had thrown up the night before and i was crossing my fingers he wouldn't throw up in front of everyone at the school. there was standing room only when i showed up so my arm almost broke off holding 82 lb gus the entire time.

anywho.

my point is, i was annoyed.

miah had sung these songs for me at home and i wished that would have been sufficient enough so that i wouldn't have to drag everyone up there to watch it at the school.

now before you write me off as the worst mother in the world,

i WENT because i knew that miah needed to see my face there.

i KNEW that regardless of everything else, it was important for him to see his mom watching him sing.

and as i sat there dripping with sweat, shoulder to shoulder with other moms and squirmy kids, i was overcome with the spirit during "i saw mommy kissing santa clause".

i watched that sweet miah of mine with his squinty paisley eye'd smile giggle about the words to the song he was singing, doing all the hand and body motions, having fun and every now and then glancing over at me to make sure i was watching.

my heart was so warm and my eyes filled with tears.

that was my boy.

MY miah.

and then i started to think about his birth family and the joy that miah brings to our family that they're missing out on. the sweet smiles they don't get to see. the silly, very LOUD laugh they don't get to hear. the cute style he sports with his skinny jeans and his metro hair and accessories they don't get to smile at. the most sincere gift giving and acts of kindness he does for everyone that they don't get to receive or be a part of.

it hurt me.

it hurt me to think that they chose a path that would never allow them be a part of his life. i tried to put myself in his shoes and wonder what that must feel like. and then to top it off, what it must feel like to be compared to your siblings that are nothing like you. to get yelled at for things you can't control. to KNOW you're different and to try so hard NOT to be.

i know i know.

i'm a sucky mom. just defriend me now please.

during that moment of spiritual enlightenment, i thought back to the words said during miah's blessing given to him almost 5 months ago.

"you are blessed with the strength to do the best that you can do."

the best YOU can do.

miah.

not the best jakob or kora can do.

or anyone else.

and if done,

heavenly father would take care of the rest.

and then i realized the words in that blessing weren't only for miah to hear. they were for me to hear. i needed to know that miah only has to do the best he can do and that he WILL succeed because heavenly father will do the rest. i don't need to stress, or freak out or scream, or get frustrated. i need to have faith.

now.

that doesn't mean i won't do everything in my power to make sure he gets the best education and help and resources he possibly can. or that i won't stop pushing miah to try harder and to be more focused and push forward. it just means i need to be okay with knowing that he won't ever be someone else. he will always be miah. and as long as he puts forth his very best effort in everything he does, he will be the BEST miah he can be.

and i'm 1000% okay with that :)

the brown lowes.

by miah.

confirmation through a loss.

a couple weeks before i left to get my Lover in NC,

we got some rotten news.

miah's foster parents called to tell us

they had seen on the news that

miah's biological mom

had been killed.

it's really a very sad story.

her entire life, that is.

i told miah

what had happened that night.

we're very open with him about everything.

and i wanted him to remember

the day that his mother died

because that is a huge part of where he came from.

i told him

that i would go to the funeral for him

and tell him all about it.

and take pictures of his family that he had never met.

and he was very VERY excited about that.

at first i was against letting the family know who i was.

our adoption is not open

so they have no idea who has jeremiah

or what happened to him (as i later found out)

and this would be my first time meeting them as well.

i had never even seen a picture of his mother

until i saw the news clip.

i wasn't sure if my being at the funeral

would make things better or worse.

but after thinking about it,

and talking to miah's foster mom a lot,

i decided that

i HAD to tell them who i was.

and not only that,

but i had to bring them pictures of my miah

to show them how perfect he is.

and so?

i did just that.

and although i was shaking with nerves

and stumbling over all my words like a fool,

i told them this:

"my name is jessica lowe.

i am jeremiah's mom,

martha's 4th son.

i wanted to be here to tell you how sorry i am for your loss

but i also wanted to tell you

how grateful i am

for the gift that martha has given our family.

thank you."

my presence there was so greatly appreciated

by his ENTIRE family.

i was able to take pictures

of all of his half siblings

(he has 6 of them!)

for him to keep forever.

they treated me and my mom (who went with me)

with such respect,

bringing us to the front of the burial

to be with all of the family,

as if we were just that,

family.

being there made me realize

how perfect heavenly father's plan for us is.

even though i already knew

that jeremiah was meant to be in our family

since before he came to this earth,

i was also able to get a feel

for what martha felt

on the day that she gave birth to him.

from the information i received at the funeral from her family,

i know 100% that even martha knew

that he was not meant for her to raise.

given the circumstances he was born under,

he was taken away from her

and although she could have easily followed the plan to get him back,

she chose not to.

there is, of course, a lot more to the story

but i'd rather keep that sacred

to our family and those who are close to us.

my point is, martha felt it.

she knew he was not her son

and she wrote him off very quickly

to avoid creating a bond with him.

and as sad as that sounds,

i'm very grateful

that she listened to that feeling.

the whole experience has given me even more confirmation

on how important it was

for miah to be in our family.

which makes him all the more special to me

(if it's even POSSIBLE to be more special than he already is).

rest in peace martha alicia ramon

9.22.84 - 3.12.11

all dressed up - little brown dude.

i'm switching things up a tad this week.

all i'm gonna say is,

prepare to be mega jealous of me.

if you like dressing up,

go here to find out how to play.

so.

i have this teeny weeny guy.

his name is jere'miah'.

and he's pretty much 6 today.

(march 2)

so instead of taking pictures of myself

(all ugly, vain and vapid like as anonymous tells me i am *ahem*)

i decided to give my miah all the attention.

i mean,

it IS his day.

let me just say this.
i learned something about my sweet miah during this shoot.
he is 100% GQ quality.
i mean i knew he was handsome.
irresistible.
funny.
charming.
flirty.
and stylish.

but this kid has got it goin on.
and he knows it.
when the camera is on him,
he WORKS it.

i mean seriously.
those paisley shaped smiley eyes?
are you freaking kidding me?
you can't get more adorable than that.



last night just so happened to be
his classroom's open house.
so i snapped a shot of the star student board we made.
it sums up miah to a 'T'.

well.
except for the bona fide gangsta part.
we forgot to include that.



he's not only incredibly good looking.
(zoolander)
but he's also quite agile too.
everyone likes an agile kid.
i think.



i'm for real people.
all this posing?
straight model face with pouty lips?
miah.
he did it all.
i barely had to coach him.




hair: 3-4 different products to achieve perfected faux hawkness.
checkered button up: hand me down - gymboree
green sweater vest: hand me down.
jeans: mossimo - target.
shoes: converse target.
yummy brown skin: cannot be bought. delicious to the taste.



happy 6th birthday my sweet boy.
you were hand picked to be in our family
by your Heavenly Father.
thank. you.
for making me such a lucky mom.

to read miah's adoption story,
go here.

Watch out Matt Hoffman - Here comes Jeremiah!

We brought Kora's bike inside today because one of the lovely neighborhood girls who weighs about as much as I do decided it would be funny to take Kora's bike away from her and ride it. Thanks to her, the tires went close to flat and the frame bent. Wonderful - I know.

While the bike was inside, Miah was loving it and kept doing this one legged stand thing on it. It was crazy because he's so scared of heights and plus the bike was a little wobbly with the frame a bit off and he was STILL standing on it. I had to take a picture of his new BMX trick. Doesn't he look just like Matt Hoffman the famous BMX'er?

An apple thief is among us

Yesterday morning I awoke to find Jeremiah sitting on the couch eating an apple. He looked so precious with his legs crossed with that huge almost completely eaten apple, I had to take a picture. Later, I found out how he GOT the apple which was on the counter in the kitchen too far for him to reach. Take a look!

A day at the Greenberg's

On Wednesday we went to visit Jeremiah's foster family. It was interesting to see how Jeremiah acted, he definitely wasn't himself but he was also feeling a little sick still I think. After being SUPER shy and timid the first 20-30 minutes, he finally warmed up and was playing chase and hide and seek with Larry, his foster father (in the orange striped shirt). He had a good time bringing out all the toys and playing with them with April who is the daughter in law of the foster family (with her hair pulled back playing toys with the kids). I got only ONE picture of the foster mother, Vicki, but I'm going to respect her request and not post it. She's a little camera shy!! We had a good time seeing them and I think they LOVED seeing Jeremiah.

My OH MY how he's changed!

I can't believe it's been a full year since Jeremiah was placed in our home and became a member of our family. On May 31st 2006 we met him for the first time when we went for our first visit to his foster home and then after a few visits back and forth, he was permanently left with us to join our family on June 5th, so this week marks the one year anniversary! Here's a look back at some of the first pictures we took of him AND some of the first pictures we ever saw of him before we met him.

These first two pictures were sent to us by his foster family and they were the first pictures we ever saw of sweet Jeremiah. The first one is on his 1st birthday. He doesn't even look like the same kid, huh?


This picture was taken exactly one year from today and it was the first FULL day he joined our family. Doesn't he look so precious? Those lips you just wanna kiss!!

These pictures were taken during one of his visits at our home.



These pictures were taken just a few days after his placement. One of his very first mohawks (the lowe trademark) and then his first night of sleeping here as a Lowe.

This picture was taken recently and I'm putting it on here just to show how much he's changed over the year. Who would of thought that silly boy with the slicked over hair would soon become this handsome hottie!! Isn't he GQ??

I'm so grateful for the blessing we have been given by Heavenly Father allowing us to parent this precious boy. He is such a joy to our family and I know we are very lucky to have him and I'm very thankful for those who cared for him before we became a part of his life.

ill Milo

My poor MIah was feeling sick today and had some yucky junk exiting from both ends of his body. Then I found him falling asleep on the floor of the living room so I had to take a sad picture of dead Miah being low. That's "low" as in sad, not A Lowe.

Little Beanie Miah

This morning Jeremiah drug this HUGE storage container out from under Jakob's bead all the way to the living room to sit and play with all of the imaginext in it. It looks like he also dug into Dad's workout bag and found his beanie to wear. I couldn't resist taking a picture of this cute boy! He looks so old in this picture I can't believe how big he's getting!

Okay Lindsay...calm down...here's a post for you!!!

This is one of Jeremiah's favorite places to hang out, in Roscoe's crate!! He loves getting in there and hugging Roscoe, although I'm not too sure Roscoe loves it just as much.

Calling Nurse Miah...Nurse Miah to the front desk please!

I awoke one morning to see my handsome Jeremiah transformed into a sexy nurse in Snow White heels!! He got into Kora's dress up and put the heels on and then wheeled Kora's nurse's station into my bedroom to greet us a good morning! It was a nice surprise and definitely put a smile on my face to begin the day. Doesn't he look sexy?