a couple weeks before i left to get my Lover in NC,
we got some rotten news.
miah's foster parents called to tell us
they had seen on the news that
miah's biological mom
it's really a very sad story.
her entire life, that is.
i told miah
what had happened that night.
we're very open with him about everything.
and i wanted him to remember
the day that his mother died
because that is a huge part of where he came from.
i told him
that i would go to the funeral for him
and tell him all about it.
and take pictures of his family that he had never met.
and he was very VERY excited about that.
at first i was against letting the family know who i was.
our adoption is not open
so they have no idea who has jeremiah
or what happened to him (as i later found out)
and this would be my first time meeting them as well.
i had never even seen a picture of his mother
until i saw the news clip.
i wasn't sure if my being at the funeral
would make things better or worse.
but after thinking about it,
and talking to miah's foster mom a lot,
i decided that
i HAD to tell them who i was.
and not only that,
but i had to bring them pictures of my miah
to show them how perfect he is.
and so?
i did just that.
and although i was shaking with nerves
and stumbling over all my words like a fool,
i told them this:
"my name is jessica lowe.
i am jeremiah's mom,
martha's 4th son.
i wanted to be here to tell you how sorry i am for your loss
but i also wanted to tell you
how grateful i am
for the gift that martha has given our family.
thank you."
my presence there was so greatly appreciated
by his ENTIRE family.
i was able to take pictures
of all of his half siblings
(he has 6 of them!)
for him to keep forever.
they treated me and my mom (who went with me)
with such respect,
bringing us to the front of the burial
to be with all of the family,
as if we were just that,
family.
being there made me realize
how perfect heavenly father's plan for us is.
even though i already knew
that jeremiah was meant to be in our family
since before he came to this earth,
i was also able to get a feel
for what martha felt
on the day that she gave birth to him.
from the information i received at the funeral from her family,
i know 100% that even martha knew
that he was not meant for her to raise.
given the circumstances he was born under,
he was taken away from her
and although she could have easily followed the plan to get him back,
she chose not to.
there is, of course, a lot more to the story
but i'd rather keep that sacred
to our family and those who are close to us.
my point is, martha felt it.
she knew he was not her son
and she wrote him off very quickly
to avoid creating a bond with him.
and as sad as that sounds,
i'm very grateful
that she listened to that feeling.
the whole experience has given me even more confirmation
on how important it was
for miah to be in our family.
which makes him all the more special to me
(if it's even POSSIBLE to be more special than he already is).
9.22.84 - 3.12.11
