how to make friends as a grownup. do's and don'ts.

DO be friends with sexy flight attendants

because when you're traveling home to TX from NC

and you're all giddy from just having spent 11 days with your Lover

who had just been deployed for 7 months,

that sexy flight attendant WILL tell the pilot to make an announcement

over the intercom telling the ENTIRE flight about it.

awesome.

DON'T be friends with anyone who can't appreciate

a good, thoughtful christmas present.

jerk.

DO be friends with anyone who likes

to workout with you and will overlook

your tomato red face and sweaty crotch

after each training session.

DON'T be friends with anyone who flirts with your Lover.

although, that narrows the friendship pool down to hardly

anyone because when your Lover looks as hot as MY Lover?

it's almost hard NOT to accidentally flirt with him.

uhmm, YES.

he is making duck face.

he's sexy and he knows it.

DO be friends with anyone who will tell you

HiLaRiOUsLy inappropriate stories about her husband's past

and even post pictures of his gangster mexican phase

on your facebook wall.

DON'T be friends with anyone who is too embarrassed

to meet you and your mustache-a-wearin kids

at chick-fil-a for lunch.

cause sometimes, ya just wanna wear a mustache.

DO be friends with anyone who knows how to throw a party.

nothing. and i mean NOTHING.

is better than good food and silly games with friends.

DO be friends with people who have a lot of kids.

this way, they won't notice your kids

behaving wretchedly horrid

because they're too busy being watching their own.

DON'T be friends with anyone who won't let you

pose them for a memorable picture.

DO be friends with anyone who will bring you bread

or any homemade goodness for that matter

when your house is falling apart with sick people.

DON'T be friends with anyone who takes life too seriously.

it never turns out pretty.

DO be friends with anyone who will appreciate

the "wooden whistle"

you brought them back as a souvenir

from your trip to san francisco.

DON'T be friends with anyone who won't let you

take 724989238 million pictures together

until you get one that's just. right.

DO be friends with anyone who isn't ashamed to tell you

that you totally have a camel toe in those pants.

DON'T be friends with anyone whom you can't

text pictures of your thrift store finds to.

that right there is a rare gem my friends.

DO be friends with anyone who looks hot

in an antique store mink stole.

only good things that come from that kinda power, people.

DO be friends with anyone who will take pictures of you

looking totally hardcore while getting a tattoo.

and just to be clear,

this is an example of "someone"

NOT looking totally hardcore.

no, it doesn't hurt.

DO be friends with anyone who will run a muck

and act a fool with you in public.

DON'T be friends with anyone who has a hard time

being 100% honest.

even if it makes them sound like a total slut.

in a good way of course.

DO be friends with anyone who will buy you wax lips.

that's an easy one.

DON'T be friends with anyone who isn't on the same

nerdy internet level as you are.

it's no fun making a hilarious honey badger joke

to someone whose never even heard of youtube.

and best for last...

DO.

lemme repeat myself.

DO. DO. DO.

be friends with your sisters.

period.

they'll always love you

no matter what.

surprise parties give me ulcers.

so today, august 10th,

(i'm a night blogger, sorry)

is michele's 27th birthday.

and a few weeks ago, rita and i came up with the great idea

to throw her a really rad indian party.

red dot.

not feathers.

i'm pretty sure indians have more fun than anyone on earth.

i kinda wish i were indian

just so i could dress up

and party like one.

ok, not kinda, i really do.

anywho,

enough about indians.

when we approached spouse about when we could throw the party,

he told us he had plans of his own

for us to throw a party for her.

a surprise party.

but he wanted to change all the rules.

no indian henna.

no indian belly dancing.

no indian jewel'd faces.

no indian food.

no indian music.

no indian outfits.

pretty much,

no. indian. theme.

buh buh booooring.

but since he's michele's spouse,

and she kinda loves him,

we obliged

and changed the theme to his idea:

{sweets and treats}

the day of the party i pretty much ran around like

a chicken with it's head cut off

trying to make and bake and prepare

everything for the party.

my nose had been pouring like a flippin faucet

all. day. long.

so when i showed up at rita's house to set up

i had to take preventative measures

to protect the food spread.

rita, of course, had to document.

we rushed around, trying to set up,

until the very last moment.

we even enlisted the help of the guests

as they arrived.

how rude is that.

i know.

but i don't care.

to help us stay sane,

(which it didn't because i still went insane

and started sweating like a horse)

we had friends pitch in and bring treats too.

yes.

we asked guests to work.

rude again i know, but still, don't care.

amylouwho made a delectable

raspberry lemonade punchy.

aaaaand

i stirred it.

mo-gin hung black and white pictures

that documented good times.

and britt bent over and showed us how she takes it.

oh my gosh.

did i just type on my blog?

i mean makes it.

pretty things.

decorations.

she makes them. while bent over.

nevermind...

once everything had arrived

and been set up,

it. looked. terrific.

(lindsey tells us we should use that word more often)

tuuuuuur-rific.

feel free to pinterest this picture.

cuz it's pretty much awesome.

oh and you want to see

my motivation for this sweet spread?

go here.

(no really, don't cuz then you'll see

how bad mine looks in comparison, mmkay?)

the black and whites

formed the number '27'

on a wall of pink and silver balloons.

the sweets and treats were

mouthwateringly divine.

cupcakes

fruit with cream cheese dip

veggies and ranch dip

chicken salad

cake pops

homemade salsa

mini fruit pizzas

chocolate dipped strawberries

jalapeno poppers

and enough candy to rot your teeth in one day.

on a side note,

tooting my own horn, of course,

it was my first time making cake balls

and can i just say that they were pretty much incredible.

can i?

can i say that about my own food?

ok good, because i just did.

i'm not even really sure that everyone else

felt the same way.

i just know i did and i'd like to proclaim it.

when michele walked in,

she was flabbergasted.

(i sure am being really descriptive today, huh?)

seriously.

rita and i were almost sure she knew about it.

but she didn't.

you can't fake tears.

well, at least i know michele can't

and there were indeed tears.

she was so blown away,

that she started nervously hugging everyone.

i'm not a hugger.

at. all.

michele knows this.

but,

she hugged me still.

i think it may have possibly been

our 1st hug ever.

and it was awkward and stiff

and her boobs touched mine.

dear michele,

please don't hug me ever again.

love,

the hussy.

over all,

i think spouse was pleased with our fine work.

dear spouse,

please don't ever ask me

to organize a surprise party ever ever again.

it gives me ulcers.

and i start carrying around

a little green notebook

filled with notes and reminders.

and rita makes fun of me for it.

k?

love,

the hussy.

one of the best parts about the party

was getting to meet

michele's sweet sister, kathy

and her husband joseph.

why is she so awesome, you wonder?

because she likes me more than michele.

mmm hmm.

her blog following past proves it.

she does. i just know it.

*wink*

the party was super fun.

all the boys gathered in the kitchen

and talked about war and fbi crap.

but i'm pretty sure

they were all thinking something

totally different.

we got rowdy and loud

and played pit.

have you ever played pit?

because you should.

it makes your blood pressure get really high.

and angry.

like trying to tap your hand on the table

as fast as you can

and your hand just can't go quite as fast

as you want it to.

(you're trying it now, aren't you?)

and michele got all awkward hands-y.

she always does.

what in the hell is that?

carl just got angry.

he had enough of all the mormonism

floating in his non-mormon house.

so he grew a mustache,

grabbed a beer,

and went to his office to drop the f bomb.

you go carl.

we took a nice group shot

of all the lovely ladies.

(say that in a dirty mexican accent)

lohvlee laythees.

and then we decided to just be ourselves.

cause we look stoooopid being normal.

normal = not us.

aren't you jealous you don't have friends like mine?

yes.

yes you are.

oh.

and what good is a party without

a little photo booth friend action?

why do i look mexican next to you?

happy birthday

sweet michele.

thank you for giving us ulcers.

and feeding us fattening fatty foods.

and letting us show your sister

how weird we are.

we had a blast

even though,

we didn't get to be indians.

oh.

and thank you for a reason

to wear wax lips

while i partner'd with rita

to make your day amazing.

i hope it worked :)

love you.

Sprayground with friends

Yesterday we were lucky enough to hang out with some of our good friends in Fort Worth at the Sprayground!!! Kora and Miah loved seeing Roman and Elijah and they swung and splashed and played for a few hours. I also got to enjoy some time with their mommy, Dena, which I enjoyed since it's rare for me to have adult communication these days. Here are a few pictures of the clan checking out a mud puddle they found. Kora and Roman are SUPER big on exploring and they always have a blast when they get together. All four of them are such a cute bunch! The first picture is of the little swingin dudes and yes, that's me pushing them...thank you Dena for including me in that shot even though I was scooting to the side to avoid it. It would have been much cuter without me. OH...and Molly, I'm wearing our glasses and speaking of our glasses, I saw a picture of Denise Richards, Kate Hudson, Jessica Beal AND Jennifer Aniston wearing the REAL ones..UGH...we gotta find out who makes those designer ones!!!!!