Friday, June 24, 2011

it's inappropriate.

i read somewhere
in a blog article
about the "rules" of blogging
that you should never speak to your audience
liiiiiike i do all the time.

and do you know how i feel about that "rule"?
it can kiss my ghetto rump shakin booty.
because it's crap.

and i'm pretty sure the 30 followers i got overnight,
think it's crap too.
thanks y'all!
keep it up! 100 to go! we got this!!
team hussy!
*******

it's inappropriate
to use baby powder in your hair
on a regular basis
because you're a lazy tErd and you don't wanna wash it.
ever.

because your 3 year old will see you
and think it's normal.


it's inappropriate
for any place of business
(i don't care what it's offering)
to have the term
"vibration service"
plastered on the side of it.
unless you live in jacksonville, nc i guess.

it's inappropriate
for your kid to play with a dead snake
like it's his best friend.
and it's even more inappropriate
for you to watch him and take pictures
instead of freaking out
and dipping him in a vat of lysol.


it's inappropriate
to do this in your front yard.

it's still inappropriate
even if you have clothes on.

and it's even more inappropriate
to teach your little brother how to do it.
(that's guppy's thumb, everyone just calm down!)

it's inappropriate
to eat a milky way during sunday school.
but only because
everyone else will be jealous.

it's inappropriate
to wear irreverent shoes
to church.

wait.
no it's not.
it's hot.

it's inappropriate
to take a picture
of two ginger boys at target.
especially when they aren't yours.

and lastly.
it's inappropriate
of Lover to take a picture of me
when i'm not ready
and perfectly posed
with perfect hair and makeup and clothes
making the perfect sexy half-smile.

cuz now i just look like a cross-eyed weirdo
with uncomfortably large hands.


25 comments:

Alexandria said...

I don't know why I didn't start following your blog sooner. Girl. You. Are. Hilarious. And please, keep doing things that are inappropriate so I can continue laughing my butt off.

Shay said...

can we be neighbors? my little tiny heart jumped out of my chest and did a dance when i saw your other post saying you're back.

and where did you get those awesome shoes?!

Ashley N. said...

I LOVE THIS BLOG!

Betsy said...

awww. its inappropriate to take THAT long of a blogging break!! yay entertainment again!! :)

mrs. r said...

What Betsy said.

Welcome home. :)

Ruby said...

HA! I'm glad i'm not the only one that takes pics of other peoples kids(that sounds terrible doesn't ot)... when somethings funny its funny gotta capture the moment.

Kristina P. said...

I grabbed a can of dry shampoo. Maybe he would prefer that to baby powder? You know, to help keep up appearances.

Kristine @ JandMs Eye Candy said...

Found your hilarious self thru Love-Stitched on Fb!! SO glad I did!! I'm your newest follower :)

Kristine
www.jandmseyecandy.blogspot.com

Mama Mia said...

Awww. This just reminds me of you when you were here. I miss your guts.

L said...

hahahahhhhhhhhh! ps Suave has a BOMB dry shampoo in spray form...it changed my life. i no longer have baby powder all over my bathroom counter.

Kristi said...

I miss you now. Because most of those pics were taken in sweet, sweet Texas :) Glad you're back to blogging, friend. :)

Debber-doo said...

LOL love the peeing in the front yard, my nephew used to do that all the time, instead of walking to the restroom! So glad my fave bloggy is back! :}

Valinda said...

Actually in that last one, you just look happy. I'm glad you have Lover back :)

Rainbow Bekah said...

You are BEYOND hilarious!!! Your inappropriate blogs are the best! ;0)
It's probably inappropriate for me to always make "winky" emoticons to strangers too!

Estell said...

I actually really like that you talk to the audience...its nice. lol That kinda sounded creepy..

Grace Katrina Nielsen said...

HIL-arious!!! I mean.... sooo inappropriate! Hahaha! :) Also, your shoes are amazing!

Kimberly Kay said...

Love this!!

Kimberly Kay said...

This needs to be something we could "link up" to..I'd LOVE to join in on this fun!! And in So Cal we've got some major inappropriate!...my own people included too of course!

Kristen said...

ahhh you make me laugh....glad you are back :) let us know how you like your mac...I'm thinking of getting one!

Sarah said...

You are hilarious! And those shoes are HOT!

Melissa @ knit purl baby said...

Oh man this is hilarious! I was literally laughing out loud! I'm so glad I clicked a couple links today and ended up here! I'm helping you get to 1000 followers!

<3 Melissa @ knit purl baby

real indiana housewife said...

YOUR SHOES!!! ohhhh this crazypregnantlady is just oh soo jealous of those shoes!!!

=)

Pedaling said...

in helping you in your efforts to reach 1000 i am now following you.
you're welcome.
love the funny and entertaining way that you write.

Sabrina Says said...

Wow. Just found your blog and I am IN LOVE. Seriously. you are the funniest person I have come across in a long time!

Sabrina Says

Milka said...

Holy Cannoli! I haven't laugh so hard in a whiiile! Thumbs up to Guppy. LOL!