Thursday, December 1, 2011

it's inappropriate.

2 months since i last blogged.
i know.
i'm not really a blogger anymore.
i'm retired.
but i still have to document my kids' lives, yeah?
ok FINE i am a blogger
just a sucky one.
shut your face.

it's inappropriate

for me to find gus covered in chocolate
buck nEked
all while trying to clean up his mess
while Lover and i were...

it's inappropriate

for me to find and buy this rad thrifted belt
with a big 'ole bass buckle,
and the name 'richard' across the back.
oh you bet i'll wear this you son of gun you.

it's inappropriate

for my arms to be so dang long
that my kids use them as a swing.
all i have to say is,
google image the word "marfan syndrome".

okay this one's a toughy.

is it more inappropriate
for kora to ride around town on her bike
with her ken barbie hooked on the handle bars
with his pants down?

or is it more inappropriate
that ken has poof'd up bangs, full makeup with cat eyes,
lipstick and highlights?
he looks like he got attacked at the mac counter.

i can't decide.

it's inappropriate

for lover to buy ME birthday cupcakes on MY birthday
but have the place make one for HIM that's chocolate
since i like red velvet.

ok so i only get 11? wtc?

it's inappropriate

for you to smash ur baby's face.
but it's oh so fun.

it's inappropriate

for me to walk into the bathroom and see this.
too many thoughts run through my head.

did kora start her period?
have the brothers finally killed each other?
is this a joke?
is that from a hand or a head?
where is the body and how much time do we have to dispose of it?

thankfully it was only red velvet cake hands.

it's inappropriate

for me, a 33 year old MOM of 5,
to be in love with justin beiber.
but i am.
oh oh oh ohhhhh i am.

it's inappropriate

for gus to come running out of my bathroom
covered in shaving cream.

i swear we watch him...sometimes.

it's inappropriate

for me to continue to find thrifted awesomeness
like this flight attendant dress.
that i didn't buy!!!!

i hate my decisions sometimes.

it's inappropriate

for me to take pictures of Lover shaving
with his pants unbuttoned.

but daaaaaadgummit.
he's hot.

it's inappropriate

for my children to just melt.
right in the middle of the floor.
but unfortunately they do sometimes.

oh well, i've got 4 more.

it's inappropriate

for Lover to play with knives

(you better be sayin this before i do)

bessssst. fooooooo. lasssssst.

it's inappropriate

for me to be addicted to roadkill.

i know. i just can't help myself.

oh dang.
there it is again.
guts and all just hangin out.
i love it.


Lindsay said...

okay my favorite... the melted child. i laughed out loud at that one. like what is that really happened? how funny would that be? HAHHAAH *tear

Bridian said...

Thanks for bringing so much joy into my life. I cried laughing a little bit.

Kaila said...

I've laughed out loud at the smash your baby's face picture a several times. so funny!

MrsKarga said...

I'm sooo happy you're back! seriously your blog is the only one I read and am always happy to see... &....yesterday I saw THEEEE GROSSSSEESSSSSS ROADKILL and thought of you. :D

Maria-Isabel @ Agape Love Designs said...

You look dang foxxy in that Flight Attendant dress! Cant believe you didnt buy it!

Loved all the pictures... you are one of the only people who can make me literally LOL. ;)

Unknown said...

So happy you are back. I REALLY enjoyed this, smashing your babies face made me belly laugh & then about throw up breakfast with the last two.


Dani said...

It's k... I didn't blog for 2 months either. BUT HERE WE ARE, BACK AGAIN! Ha.

It's inappropriate how much I love your inappropriate posts. Like really.

Mish Lovin' Life said...

Ha! Hilarity for a Friday morning. I love it.
Maybe you can blog 1x/month instead of 2?


Anonymous said...

I don't know how you're so funny but you are. HA!

Allie said...

Your inappropriate posts make my day!!! Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

I don't care if you take forever to post lady, cause when you do, it's so worth the wait. ;0) That sounded semi dirty, apparently I missed you more than I realized, ha! And GO BUY that flight attendant dress, it's too rad not to!

Denica said...

Love your blog. Thank you so much for making me laugh!

Allyson & Jere said...

You are so fired for the roadkill pictures. GOOD Hell, that was sick and more than I could take.
And total FAIL on your part for passing that dress up. It was ADORABLE and looked so good on you. I'm so grateful my kid has never been covered in shaving cream or chocolate or whatever, I'm afraid I wouldn't be so kind as you. He must know it too. hahaha

Unknown said...

Jessica the roadkill?? AHHHHH my eyes are burning lol

jackie said...

dang, i've missed you. and i'm just a fan of the fact that you have your own post tag for "roadkill".

Anna said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew why whywhy why WHY would you post THAT photo of the road kill... whhhhhy...

Angela said...

OMG!!!! I just so happened to stumble on your blog looking for dave ramsey stuff and HOLY CRAP, I want to ask you to be my BFF! I freaking love you! You made me laugh so hard I right away subscribed to your blog! It's awesome and I can't wait to share with my real bff's!

Laura Pilker said...

OMG I freakin LOVE your blog! And I love your tattoo. And I love how you call your husband Lover. You Officially Rock.

Roo {NiceGirlNotes} said...

Are you frickin serious with that roadkill picture? That's so sad and depraved and nauseating.

Jaylene Marie Mangum said...

is in inappropriate to laugh out loud at my work desk and not be able to contain my laughter while i answer a phone call? most definitely. i don't care though! after stumbling on this blog, consider me and official follower. love!

Anonymous said...

I just laughed til I cried reading this post. You definitely get the funniest blogger ever award.

Following you from