for one of my kids
to have to suffer through life
with a north carolina birth certificate
while all his siblings
have an awesome shiny texas one.
for me to allow michele's kid
to collect feathers at the park
while i babysit him.
feathers that came out of the body of birds.
infectious covered BIRDS.
but then again, he's not my kid.
for me to have to get my boob smashed
in this horrid machine.
dear mammogram worker lady,
you're very kind and all
as you manipulate my boob to lie flat
without any creases,
but i assure you,
there is no more boob left for you to smash
no matter how much
you pull from my neck and armpit.
trust me. i've tried.
for me to look this amazing
in this thrifted leather dress.
for some reason i just can't help myself.
when i see something this obscure.
it has to be on me.
please note the lack of boobs
in the breastical section of my chest
and re-read the mammogram post
with a better visual.
for lover to address me so formally.
but when he does,
i make sure to return the favor in my reply
using the utmost respect.
for isaak to flip me off as he sleeps.
sometimes i feel the same way.
for me to look so sexy
after i'm done cleaning the house.
this one is for you britt.
to condemn your customers to hell
but more importantly,
to use quotations incorrectly.
so not the literal lord?
just the fake one?
meh. that's nuthin.
a 35 year old man,
to put gummy worms on his fro-yo.
but what's even more inappropriate
is that i'm not looking at his yogurt.
for my hair to give itself
a blonde streak highlight in the front.
who am i rogue? from x men?
is this 1991?
for this baby to be used
for any type of advertising
except for maybe a medication
that turns your baby into
a 50 year old man.
always the best.
for isaak to remove his underwear,
throw it in my dryer,
and then use it as a target
to pee on.
that's a river of pee
in my dryer.