to use your kid as a trash can
'cause you can't find any other place to stick
those annoying "inspected by" stickers.
for a young hussy's hands to look this way.
but when she's
incredibly buffy mcbuffster
she's pretty much okay with it.
(even though i'm not any where near
as buff as my workout partner)
for any public bathroom
to ask this of me.
are you kidding?
i don't care that you're at church
and all holy and clean.
to take advantage of the fact that you have boys
on long road trips.
and then to pour it out your window
when you're going 80 down the highway
with lover tailing you.
to try to pronounce this company's name out loud
when jakob is sitting in the front seat
right next to you.
to give your vertical blinds a cute bob'd haircut
to make the ugly window unit
feel more welcome.
yes. yes i did.
to file your nasty nails during sunday school
right. next. to me.
not only because it's flippin LOUD,
it makes me feel like i have YOUR fingernail dust
in my mouth.
for any girl
to have to do this repulsive act.
to wear this little number
and to not even flinch
when you flash me your black panties
as the wind blows.
over and over and over.
this is jacksonville, nc.
it IS appropriate.
to push things that ask ever so nicely
not to be pushed.
but i do it anyway.
for my phone to behave this way.
but what's even more inappropriate,
is how i want to slam it up against the wall
and then beat it with a bat
when it does.
i have a slight anger issue.
for gus to try to escape.
but he doesn't care.
for me to get these dixie cups on my truck?
because i really want them.
to serve plank steak for dinner.
but how can you resist when it's so
mother frickin funny?
i'll just let this speak for itself.