Monday, July 11, 2011

it's inappropriate.

it's inappropriate
to try to sell your used earrings.
and especially for .75
all i can think of
is stinky butt smelling ear boogers.

it's inappropriate
for rita to vent the hate in her heart
toward michele to me.
let it go rita. let it go.
*hands in flapping wing motion over heart*

okay this was a awhile back
and i never blogged it.
it's inappropriate
for kora to fall off of her ripstik
and hurt her elbow
and then to have her mother tell her
to stop faking it.

only to find out a week later,
she really did break it.
she made me write,
"i'm sorry."
on her cast
in the same spot where i wrote
on her splint.
i'm pretty much the best mom in the world.
just so you know.

oh and one more thing.
it's incredibly super trashily ghetto budget
to cut off your own cast.
but we did it anyway.

(long story short: she was set to get it off the week we arrived back in nc so we were going to have to switch insurance regions, get records mailed, schedule new appointment, ask for referral, wait for referral appointment, and THEN visit new specialist for xrays and removal. with tricare that would have taken about 7 years. fyi, she's been fine since we took it off. no worries.)

it's inappropriate
for a daughter to buy this father's day card
for their daddy.
but my sister did anyway.

it's inappropriate
to take pictures of your kid
on a public toilet.
but when they look so stinkin cute
you can hardly resist!

it's inappropriate
for me to post pictures
of my baby bump
when i'm not pregnant.

and lasty for besty?

it's inappropriate
for my jeans to decide
that they can't handle the weight of
my badonkadonk ghettoness
while i'm doing my crazy yoga positions
to try and fit into them.
oh crud.

ps. don't ask me how i got this angle.


jackie said...

ha all of those are super inappropriate, but i especially love how you told your daughter that she was faking the whole broken arm thing. and then how she made you pay for it. that's appropriate.

Unknown said...

HA! I remember my Mum telling me to stop faking it until I puked all over her.

Your utter inappropriateness is fabulous. Tha ass shot is pure poetry.

Sarah xxx

Jordan Cole said...

My mom did that on two separate occasions with my brother and I. She would tell us to suck it up and when it still hurt weeks later she finally took us to the doctor to find a broke wrist on me and arm on my brother! Builds character, right!

Anonymous said...

LOVE your "inappropriate" blog! You gave me a good laugh during photo editing, and made me blog real quick about it with my own that a word? Who cares! Here's the link if you want to check it out. :0)

ines said...

this post made me laugh so much...great post!

Paxy said...

who buys their kid a ripstick?

the Momma Bird said...

ha ha ha ha oh my gosh that's awesome. loved this post :) and i totally am with you on the tricare! those people DO seriously take years to get things done - and in the meantime they just give you some naproxin to hold you over. lol

Tai Bender said...

Your blog is so stinkin fun to read. you already know that. just sayin.

The Michelle Show said...

Ahahahh aw your poor daughter! My little sister broke her ankle and shin bone in two places as a kid and my parents waited a week to bring her to the hospital because they thought she was faking hahaha. The huge blue ankle and swelling should have tipped them off..

Samantha {Moody Mama} said...

Absolutely loved this post!!!

The Chaplins said...

LoVe this post! My mom thought I was faking once, too. It was broken, I got a cast AND my step-dad cut it off at his gas/service station! TRUE story. :) I love our similar ghetto fabulous, white trash stories!

Bridget said...


jk i saw that its a fake baby bump. i just wanted to get you all like "what! didnt i write that im not really prego!"

Kristina P. said...

I love your inappropriateness.

Camilla said...

you are inappropriately hilarious.

No Model Lady said...

Sheesh. Rita is so scary mean to me all the time! Except when she brings me cupcakes.

No Model Lady said...

Oh, and you forgot how inappropriate it is to send Little Brown to ask Carl for cupcake liners to make him promotion cupcakes.

Estell said...

lmao poor kora...Thats too funny tho. I hate ripped pants. >.> could they be any more selfish...

h.e. said...

Is it inappropriate to look forward to the inappropriate posts??

If so, charge me and lock me up (with internet access, please!).

Krissy Noel said...

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Your JEANS!!! Dammit! And I love the look on your daughter's face when your husband is cutting off her cast. Priceless!

Holly said...

Bahahaha!! This post has made my day! :)

Bonnie said...

Do you realize that you only need 6 more followers to hit your 1000 mark? I think it calls for one more BIG push... hit it hard with FB links, Wannabes, a GIVE-AWAY. I hear you're bored, so why not?

A Beautiful Life said...

i luv ur inappropriateness and it's been awhile since i saw someone's taint, so double YAY! ;p Lily broke her arm TWICE and i didn't believe it was broken..TWICE. i'll high-five u on the mother of the year!! glad ur back, hotness...

Unknown said...

LMAO! Awesome! And...ummm...Kora's face looks a little terrified in that "cutting off the cast" picture. Yikes! I'm glad the arm is still in tact though!

Tiffany said...

Holy Shiznuts, I just laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants! I found your blog from the fabulous Von. Thanks for the giggle and the inappropriate-ness, especially the @$$ shot, LOVE it!

Anonymous said...

OK. You are over 1k stalkers. When do we get a prize for being awesome?