so back track a little,
tuesday evening i had my great pal amy w over.
she took some suh weeeet pics of our family.
i'm going to make pillowcases for each kid
with a picture of them and daddy.
we got all dolled up.
gussy looked incredibly charming.
his sogginess was overflowing.
the day of departure
just so happened to be the first day of school
for all three kids.
emotions were high.
lots of tears.
lots of fighting.
lots of stress.
shoes couldn't be located.
teeth forgot to get brushed.
hair was awry.
we TRIED to do first day of school pics.
but it felt wrong.
there was nothing to be happy about.
the unspoken fate
weighed heavily on ALL our minds.
we walked to the school as a family.
and no one spoke.
tears were fighting.
i felt horrible for sweet miah.
his first day of school
was over shadowed by dad leaving.
kora walked him in the school,
it was super tender.
she was excited about being "in charge" of him.
she even told his teacher
that she would pick him up after school
to walk him home.
thank goodness for awesome friends
who watched my babies all day
so Lover and i could go off gallavanting in wilmington.
we ate, we played, we ate some more.
we cried (well 'i' cried)
and we loved :)
when the kids came home from school,
we ordered pizza
and had our last family movie night together
for a long time.
just before bed,
Lover gave all of the kids
a father's blessing.
and me too.
(well, a priesthood one)
they said their goodbyes to daddy
and went to bed.
the spirit has never been more strong in our house
than it was that night.
Lover and i spent a few more hours together
just holding each other.
and then it arrived.
the dreaded hour i had to take him
to the big white buses
that we military wives loathe.
this was our last picture together.
crying red eyes and all.
i didn't stay to watch the buses leave.
i wanted to get out of that sad place
as soon as possible.
i was strong for Lover as we said goodbye.
but as soon as he flashed me the i love you sign
and walked away,
it hit me.
he was gone.
his huge smile did nothing but make me sad
all at the same time.
can you imagine,
living out the greatest dream
you've ever had?
thats what this is like for Lover.
i had to be happy for him.
even if it hurt so bad.
the next morning,
the kids woke up, happy and playful as usual.
i had been preparing him the past few days.
telling him that daddy was going bye-bye
for a long time.
and he KNEW, that since daddy was gone,
it had happened.
he was sad.
my penny who doesn't usually cry about anything
was crying about everything.
Lover made the kids a special book before he left.
a recordable book
that plays his voice as each page is turned.
penny fell in love.
as soon as he heard daddy say his name,
he turned to look at me with his big blue eyes,
tongue in cheek,
he now requests his "daddy book" every morning
and every night.
and just to make sure he stayed happy,
i used his birthday money from pops
to buy him a vintage radio flyer tricycle
which he can't get enough of
as he rides around the house in circles
ringing his bell.
and gus likes it too.
i cut gus' hair.
i was emotional.
i can't be blamed for my actions
during this emotional state i'm in.
i know, it's hideous.
all of his sogginess was strewn all over the carpet.
needless to say,
we're growing it out...
the days are going to be hard.
some harder than others.
sometimes i can't help but dwell on all the things
that he's missing.
like tiny toes that dangle off the stroller
in tiny flippers.
but i know that he is needed where he is.
and i know that not everyone is willing to do the job
that HE is willing to do.
and that makes me smile.
and remember that date with Lover in wilmington?
i hurt my arm.
with a needle that was full of ink.
i love it :)