Wednesday, June 2, 2010

casual blogger conference madness.

several months ago i bought a ticket to this exciting gig.
i mean, i AM a casual blogger.
how excited i was to be going to a conference where me and all my other "casual bloggers" would get to meet in real life!
lover was actually the one who said to go ahead and buy the tix.
he was supposed to be home to watch the kids.
but the marine corps had other plans for him.
dang them.
so then i had to get a back up sitter.
i bought a plane ticket to fly my daddy here for 5 days.
but then my daddy got sick.
like bad sick.
and his doctor said he couldn't fly.
and then i got in a fight with my friend i was supposed to go with.
and i felt like the world was telling me,
"don't go."
but i'm the Hussy.
and i don't like to be told what to do.
so i proved the world wrong.
i enlisted the help of three beautiful princesses,

to watch the 5 very crazy rowdy rats i own.

and then i made up with my friend.
we put the past behind us.
and by may 27th, we were ready for our adventure!

we had arrangements to be picked up by our e-bff, april.
she was to take us to our other e-bff's house, cleo.
we would be staying there during our conference.
meeting april was lovely.
she was a snob.
i liked that about her.

she was so snobby in fact,
that she ditched us almost immediately to go have dinner with other celebs.
she trusted me so much right away to take her car
and drive into an unfamiliar city,
on an unfamiliar highway,
in an unfamiliar state.
(sorry about those tickets that you might get mailed to you april!)
we needed to meet up with some other e-bff's that day.
staci. stephanie.
they were precious as usual.
please disregard how incredibly BLECK i look in this picture.
at that point i had been awake for about 83 hours straight.

the sister trio was so fun as usual.
i felt extra tall being around them.

and i'm sure the feeling was mutual.

we gallivanted on over to gardner's village for some dinner.
i chose the ...

but wait, i could have sworn it said "mounds" of turkey.

i must have gotten the wrong sandwich.
it was probably for the better though because i had some serious indigestion afterwards.
sorry girls.
that bottle of malox i downed helped...
a little.

our time was short but before we left we did a Hussy style photo shoot.

so much fun.
i love these chicks.

i was even able to finally award stephanie
her prize for the sexy sunglasses picture contest.
even though everyone knows i shoulda won that.
stupid contestant rules...

once we left we headed on over to the cbc gno.
we made fabric flowers to wear.
got (or gave) "massages".
traded business cards with other bloggers.
and gabbed about how so and so looked nothing like their blog picture.
and by so and so i mean everyone.

then we headed "home" to cleo's.
it was our first meeting.
we embraced.
she grabbed my butt.
i squealed.
it was love at first hug.

cleo had primped her house so perfectly for us.
she's quite the mother.
she had a rose for each of us like the bachelor.
we all got to stay.

she had prepared for our arrival in every way imaginable.

even mints on our pillows.

in the morning when we awoke with our morning breath,
we were greeted with a buffet.
pronounced buff-it.
like vegas.
except less slutty.

as we got ready for the new day,
i stumbled upon cleo's husband, teddy's, dress up box.

once we got all fancy for day TWO of the cbc,
we tested out our hussy skills on cleo's column.
we were ready.

we arrived all bright and shiny.
and in a new outfit apparently.
my pictures are out of order to make the story more exciting.
miss tobie shinkle,
one of my hussy fans,
was one of the THOUSANDS who approached me wanting pictures and autographs.

we received cool swag bags for being the 1st 100 people to buy tickets.
the bags were filled with fun toys.
like pretty hair clips,
that make me look like jessi from whoo-ville.

gay, i mean cool cell phone covers.
that i'll never be caught dead using.

and gluten free cookies.
that weren't full of gluten at all.
and you couldn't even tell.
even though i love gluten.

april had procrastinated getting ready for her class
so she spent all 5 days with her nose in her computer.
amber and i were bored so we ran off to play and make new friends.

i handed out about 200 of these bad boys.
don't judge my fancy camera skilz.
hard to believe i'm UNTRAINED, right?

we visited all the fun vendor booths.
remember this was blogging conference.
so we focused on all things pertaining to blogs.

we met this lovely group of designers
who have recently launched their team's business called
moselle design.
lindsay isn't that dude enos? but like less asian and more mexican?
and that alisa is adorable.
i loved her style and i wanted to have an alisa of my own.
the dude in the cap is from fall down tree.
he's an amazing artist.
but not better than my sister :)

we spent WAY too much time in the oh sweet sadie booth.
that was all that was spent.
just time.
i swear.
nothing monetary.
simply time.

thats where i found this lovely gem of a blogger.
her name is ashley stock.
and i'm pretty much obsessed with her right now.
is she not just the cutest little button?
she reminds me of one of these.
so maybe i'll be getting my own ashley stock soon
to compensate for not having here with me.

then i ran into a dream boat named melanie day.
i use her site every single sunday morning
in a panic as i prepare my YW lesson.
she's the creator of sugardoodle.
she gave me like the biggest hug i think i've ever had.
it was awesome.

that night we met back up with cleo
whose fake-dad wouldn't let her come to the entire cbc,
and we ate at the mayan.
while we waited for our table
we discussed how april is like the ONLY girl at the cbc
who looks like all her pictures.
everyone else must be a pro at photoshop.

so the mayan is a place kinda like rainforest cafe.
people covered in bronzer,
dressed in scantily clad outfits jump from cliffs into a small pond.
like those clowns that would jump into teeny tiny pools.

i assume this dude was the "leader".
he was very brown.
and his loin cloth was very long.
whatever that means.

cleo looked albino next to him.

it was here that we discoverd our shared love
of taking many random pictures of ourselves and of each other.

cleo posed like it was 1998.
senior class.
april weren't u like 2 then?

this picture is incredibly small and i have no idea why.

after dinner we headed back to the cbc for the social.
cleo had tickets to that so she was able to join us.
the first singer of the night was the ever so talented
mindy gledhill whose style is wicked rad.
i'm in love with her voice now.
you know she's friends with nienie, right?

i also finally got to meet my e-bff's,
valinda, kathy and safire.
so cute were they!

another fun find that night,
my "boss" on mmb,
when i told her to take the sexy pose picture
she assured me that she was 100% uncomfortable with that idea.
lucky for her, our sexy pic was blurry so this one will have to do.
i'll get you next time caroline!
and who could forget the ever so fabulous kristina from
so i'm going to admit something right here and now.
i'm totally envious of this girls humor.
i used to not want to go on her blog because it was so depressing for me to see how funny she was and how funny i wasn't.
but now i've decided to embrace the pulsipher.
appreciate it.
maybe it will come full circle.

that night our special performer was cameron rafati.
he is not cute at all.
he is seriously not tall, dark and handsome.
cleo was not infatuated with him.
his voice combined with his guitar skilz are not attractive.

i didn't wanna hurt his feelings so i decided to get a picture with him.
i felt really bad because
not a SINGLE girl in the room thought he was hot.
poor guy.
if you wanna see if he's hot, you can check him out in his new video.
i am loving this song.
hopefully, MAYBE, one person will actually like him one day.
but i doubt it.

that night we were seriously wasted.
like for real.
mormon drunk.
we spent hours laughing at photoshopped pictures of ourselves,
april in her mask,
and bootcut.

but the next day we were fully rejuve'd and ready for more madness.
that mask really paid off for april huh?

we went to a class about the blog frog that day.
you see that fancy little widget thingy on my side bar?
that fun place?
yea, this dude rustin banks created it.
he was pretty cool,
for a white guy.
does my hair not look immaculate in this picture?
i'm thinking of photoshopping lover's head on top of rustin's face
because i don't want that hair to go to waste.

rustin's class was a little confusing and it made me remember why i quit school.
i have no attention span.

instead of learning about blog frog,
we spent the hour giggling and taking pictures in the back row.
this is my new bff demerry.
she's gorgeous.
i'm jealous of her hotness.
especially her hair.

after being reprimanded indirectly but directly,
we left that class to hang with our pal lindsey (who spells her name wrong)
from the r house.
we couldn't get over the fact that we look incredible together.
i think we're gonna make up some fake business
just so we can have pictures taken side by side.
oh and nevermind the fact that my boobs dissapeared in this picture.
THIS is why i need boobs.
i look like a freakin boy chest.
if i set up a paypal donation button on the side of my blog who would donate?

because i'm such a bully,
we were able to get front row seats to see cjane that evening.
she sang to all of us.
actually it was just to me but i let everyone think it was for them.

i went up to her and introduced myself as well.
she remembered that i was the motherskin creator.
my heart sank.
again, no boobs.

i even got to meet her mom and dad.
they were adorable.
they told amber she needs to be mormon.
i told her that's basically like the prophet telling her she needs to be mormon.
we will see.

and who could forget her baby daddy chup?
i even got to love on miss ever herself.
i refrained from taking pictures of her sweet baby though.
paparazzi isn't for babies.

at the end of the day, elisa was spent.
she worked her tail off to make this perfect.
i was proud of her :)
she's also my boss you know *wink*

at the end of the trip i had a hard time saying goodbye to all these ladies.
when Lover called me in the terminal and asked how things went,
i seriously got "shaky goat voice" (as cjane calls it)
trying to tell him how sad i was that i had to leave behind my friends.
my new friends.
my in real life friends.
but what was even sadder than leaving those sweet girls behind,
was leaving that dry utah air that made my hair SERIOUSLY SEXY.
never have i EVER contemplated living in utah.
but that trip might have won me over.
dang mormons.

teddy drove us to the airport in his bootcut silvertabs.
he didn't let cleo do it because i think he was secretly in love with us.
it's ok.
most people are.

the ride home was interesting.
we followed the signs to concourse T&A.
it was hot.

i got to see a real live pimp.

and my philosophy about breathing in everyone's bad breath
while on a plane was proven correct.
there were also two cats in the airport,
one of which was on our plane ride.
i had my pilot hat, my travel pillow from the cbc, and my ring stolen/lost,
we'll never know the truth.
i got seperated from sitting by amber and forced to sit by a fine fellow who drank about 4288374 bloody marys, taught me about the band lucero via loaning me his ipod, informed me that it's impossible for a family to have a stay at home parent because the cost of living and raising kids would be too much *ahem* and then continued to compliment my hair, and tell me how judgemental mormons are all in abig fat utah accent.
it was awesome.
best moments from my trip:
sleeping sitting up in a recliner
checking each other's butts
bootcut silvertabs
claudia, pronounced "clow-dia"
demerry's hair
april's bangs
tai pan
bronzed mayans
sugar free red bull
"i'm glad i'm done with my braces"
ed hardy perfume
hairspray moments in the bathroom
gassy hussy
side pony
"where's my boyfriend?"
flight suits
april's nightly glass of milk
"the garmints..try the garmints..."
shoulder pads
seam ripper
cleo's leadership driving skills
panty sharing
strong neck
if you remember another good moment, leave it in the comments and i'll add it.
tomorrow i'll post a link list of my top favorite
blogs from all the cards i got.
i'm still sorting through them!
peace out my blogging sistren
...and brethern!
some of the good pics that are obvisouly not taken by my untrained self were stolen from blokthoughts, the official photographer of the cbc.


Becca said...

Glad to see someone could write a longer CBC wrap up then I!

Ok...the best thing I got out of that entire post was the fact that you have a short tongue like I do! Learn something new every day!

and let me know if you are up for a Utah boob job trip where we can work our magic and score some free boobs becasue we promise to blog about how awesome it was to get knocked out and wake up with boobs! Before and after pics are a must but we can take picks with that anonymous black bar across our eyes and you can post on my blog and I can post on yours so like no one will know it was us...oh wait! You'd probably happily show off a new rack and take the sexy hussy photo session to the next level wouldn't you?

A Beautiful Life said...

AHAHAHAHA! You did fabulous! luv luv it...and it makes me miss you again..SNIFF!
i noticed there were a lot of favorites pertaining to Teddy..what a Hussy..;p

SOme more faves:

what about, ''the garmints..try the garrmints.."


shoulder pads

seam ripper

cleo's leadership driving skills


stinky panty sharing


Jewels said...

next time you come to Utah come hang out with me! I need a serious GNO. :) We can go to all those places in Provo that cjane blogs about, then we could go meet nienie. oh, and a visit to seven peaks is a must. :)

PS I agree, Amber should become Mormon. hahaha

Untypically Jia said...

I love hearing about all the awesomeness I missed. I swear I will be there next year. Y'all should start a "Get Jia to CBC 11" fund now, just to make sure.

I'll show you my boobs and everything.

Cause I'm generous like that.

Goodnight moon said...

That only took me about 9hrs to read all of that! Seriously....

How about Tia Pan?!?!?

Thanks for a very lovely weekend! Why did it have to go by so quickly?!?! Utah was great for my hair!

It was nice just to be ourselves for the weekend...and not just mommys.

Candace said...

Glad you had such a great time!

A Beautiful Life said...

How could we forget??
"Strong Neck"!! Ahahahaha

Camilla said...

After reading that I am seriously itching for a weekend GNO, sounds like college days all over again! And seeing the mountains in the background of your pics made me miss Utah, my hair was mah-velous there. Glad you had such a great time and that you had such great friends to help make it possible.

Bonnie said...

Ok, so my brain is fried from school so I didn't read that novel you posted... BUT I did giggle when I saw the photoshop picture. You look good chubby! And what's up with that armpit hair picture. Gross.

I've been to Utah once but I had a great time and even left thinking I wouldn't mind living there.

And Amber DOES need to be Mormon.

Makes me wish I was a Casual Blogger and I could have gone :-( You guys look like you had a blast!

zoo keeper said...

i'm effing FAMOUS!
crap that means i have to get my butt in gear and fix site...
P.S. YOU make me laugh-hard

Anonymous said...

Thanks now I'm alll sad and JEALOUS!!

Write Chick said...

I can't believe I missed this. I even live in stinking Utah. I'll have to catch it next year. I was checking out your hussy site (love the name BTW). I had a spray tan for the first time last year. Yours loved entirely more fabulous than mine. (Frowny face).

Anonymous said...

Let's hope that isn't armpit hair coming out from your shirt sleeve! (the pic under you and Rustin. HILARIOUS! I can send you some money for a razor if ya need one!

Unknown said...

you look like you all had so much fun!! too bad i wasn't there :(

Lindsay said...

i enjoyed this mewwy mucho. thanks sister. you rock my little white socks.

oh.. and word verification... PEump. like you are southern and saying the word pimp.

ashley @ little miss momma said...

Ok, so I am pretty sure CBC should just post this rad summary on their home page! Because I have NEVER laughed so hard as I did reading this post--seriously!

Staci said...

man that seriously took me a couple hrs to read husband kept asking me what i was doing and why i wasn't listening to him when he talked. You are beautiful and it was soooo wonderful to see you again i wish we had more time. I love those pics of us so true to real life. You make me smile. Thank you for being so lovely.

~j. said...

Glad to have met you!

Thanks for the gum.

amy said...

It was so fun to meet you and you look absolutely STUNNING in every single picture.

Love your blog and looking forward to reading more of it.