Thursday, May 13, 2010

A list of junk but not without freakin SPUNK.

I've always teased Lover about having camel eyes.
I think his eyelashes point downward, covering his balls of eyes,
as do a camel's.
They're like little window treatments for his eyes.
You know that fringe that has balls hanging off it and Mexican's usually have it hanging in their Mexi-vans? Yea...that stuff.
Well, recently, I've noticed that little Gusser Lyn has the same gift.
Now we have two camels in the familia.

Here's a little story for ya.
One day we had a play date at the park.
The park just so happened to be near a forest.
The kids, just so happened to have a contest.
Who can find the biggest stick.
Now you tell me,
who do YOU think won?

Lover lost his iphone.
I know, I know, freakin NERD.
As April put it so perfectly,
"Losin your iPhone is like losin your FACE."
My iphone is so special to me that it used to sleep on the dresser,
when I first got it.
Then it moved to my nightstand.
Then it moved to the rail above my bed.
Now it sleeps under my pillow,
my hand.
Safe n' Sound.
While in Texas, I went to the Fort Worth Zoo
with my mom, sister and my BFF Natalie.
The zoo had a moley moley moley mole.

And of course we took the usual,
"pose on a brass animal" shot.

But when we saw the sign for,
"Gharials coming soon."
It triggered my thought process.

I pictured a gharial being similar to a centaur.
But more of a kid with a deer body.
Like the one I ironically found the very next day in this magazine.

Alas, I was wrong.
A real gharial is much less intriguing.
And much more sharp.
I'd rather meet a Jessica Gharial in a dark alley than a REAL gharial.

So I've decided that without jeans, I would remain fat.
I love my sweats SO much that I could live in them.
Oh wait, I do.
Ok, I love my sweats SO much that if there was no such thing as jeans,
I would never know that I was getting fat.
Jeans are like an alarm system.
In my sweats I feel perfect.
When I put my jeans on they either scream,
"Oh BABY, you're smokin HOT today."
"Holy COW woman. Literally! What the crap have you been eating!?"
And yes,
that is me in both pairs of those jeans.
Can't you tell?

Does this make you pee in your pants?
It does me.

What are your thoughts about
boys on Facebook?
My Lover just joined up and has been getting a ton of crazy requests
from girls in scandalous poses on their profile.
Girls he doesn't know.
Girls who have no friends in common with him.
Does this only happen if you're a hot guy on FB?
How do these girls find him?

I'm a big fan of the dot dot dot.
I'm NOT a fan of the dot dot dot user who abuses dot dot dot.
"When Lover looks hot..."
This is the correct way to use dot dot dot.
This is not:
"I went grocery shopping was
family was at home...but i didn't care.........."
I can't stand when people use dot dot dot in the wrong place
and i canNOT stand when people use more than 3 dots.
It's DOT DOT DOT people.
That's it.
Don't abuse it.

So I have this body pillow.
His name is martin. Pronounced, Mar-TIN.
You gotta really accentuate that TIN.
It's brown.
I HAVE to sleep with my body pillow.
If I don't have it, I can't get comfortable.
I wrap my legs and arms all around it and get cozy.
Lover hates my body pillow.
I won't tell you the name he calls it, but I'll give you a clue.
It rhymes with sock locker.
Everynight, it's a ritual for Lover to mention how much marTIN annoys him.
It just makes me like marTIN even more.
I like when Lover is jealous.
It makes me feel Loved.

Lately I've been feeling my baby kick,
Then I remember,
I'm not pregnant.
So what the crap is that?

my name is Jessica and I'm seriously addicted to sunglasses.

Some people think we're weird,
but when we travel, our babies sleep in the closets.
Look how cozy that is :)

I hate cats.
But Isaak doesn't.
Too bad cats hate him.

Ohhhh what a name.
McJunkin Yo Momma's Bizunk!
I could go on and on.

PawPaw has a homemade mini pond in his backyard.
He goes fishing in it sometimes.

Izey is one of many grandkids who love the pond and it's fishies.
I just like watching Izey and his little bum.


Angie said...

This is my first time to comment on your blog but I LOVE reading it. I'm a new follower. I am friends with Marnie Parker. They used to live one street over before they moved away. I also live in Rockwall and graduated from Rockwall High School too. Small world, hugh?

Lindsay said...

okay soooo i have a body pillow too.. his name is Hammy. I told enos i would get rid of Hammy if cozy-ing with him (enos) didn't give me the sweats. why are we so mentally connected? sometimes it weirds me out... and then i remember i love you.

Bonnie said...

This was a good post Jess, it reminded me of your old posts. I think that I've missed your lists of Junk, I just didn't know it until you reminded me with this junky list.

I agree with you about FB stalkers. Dave is always getting weird invites. Good thing my husband trusts me and gave me his password so that I could DENY at my discretion. I almost denied Austin, but thought that having a lawyer instantly available on chat might be beneficial someday. I could just chat him up the next time my blog gets sued for libel.

I had a friend growing up that had camel eyelashes and every time I talked to him I kept daydreaming about how awesome it would be to put an eyelash curler to those sand-stoppers.

Bonnie said...

my word verification was anium. HA! If there was a cross between a cranium and an anus, it would be an anium or an ass-brain. Not sure which.

A Beautiful Life said...

sooo.........I <3 your blog posts as always......and.......i have a body pillow too.......and....... JK I know, it's "..."
Ok, I do have a body pillow, his name is Herman and I've had him for years because I can't stop getting prego and it helps me in my whale-like state, Herman does get in the way at times and I too like to make my spouse jealous, nuff said. ;(

I'm in love with baby bums, so adorable, and sunglasses although I only look good in about 1% of them which makes it tough when i think some are super cute.

We call them "giraffe" lashes around here because giraffe's have insanely long times!

McJunkin THIS!

Shannon said...

My husband HATES my body pillow as well, but I can't get comfy without it. He always says he can be my body pillow but when I let him I either get all sweaty or pregnant. Or both.

Valinda said...

Ok I loved #8. I had a crazy client who would write me emails and use ...'s instead of proper punctuation and there would be like 4 or 5 dots. never just 3. Then again it probably didn't matter cause she didn't do it right anyway.

Jordan Cole said...

You would be the funniest freaking friend to have. Your blog cracks me up!

Candace said...

Love it all! Especially the sleeping in the closet. That does look super cozy. :)

Deanna said...

You need some of these:

And I think that girl needs a prize for that stick. It looks like she worked hard to bring it out of the forest.

See Mom Smile said...

LOVE your list...I too am in a serious relationship with my iPhone and kids sleep in closets, even when we're not baby kicks all the time and I have not been pregnant in 6 years.... I am an abuser of the dot, dot, dot...

Adriane said...

I too love the appropriate dot dot dot ....... ;)

Yeah, so jean SHORTS are totally wrong invention - jeans that tell the truth not only day to day, but after MONTHS of winter! What's that about? That's why every spring I tell them to take their lying selves outta my closet and buy some new, more honest ones.

Pajama jeans... bahahahah!!!

dena said...

so, austin has booger green camel eyes? any other descriptions i'm missing?

Monica said...

Are you talking about me....How I use too many dot dot dots....I seriously love them.....

Layla said...

You should definitely do happy lists! I loved hosting them on my blog!

RayBan said...

Isn't it the best feeling to know your dear iPhone has travelled so far [across the room] to sleep tucked under your sound head?


Anonymous said...

#9 literally made me laugh at loud :)

Just SO said...

I'm a fan of the dot dot dot as well.

I probably over use it though.

And your blog is awesome.

That is all for now.

Unknown said...

Where to start? This is hilarious!

I will now watch my use of . . .

I like to put my kids in the closet too (sometimes when they're not sleeping - is that bad?)

I missed my body pillow this pregnancy. We need a king sized bed.

I don't know which is scarier - that little wooden boy/deer sculpture or the fact that it is for sale!

My kids and hubs have super long eyelashes too. Jerks.

Write Chick said...

Hey, I'm a new stalker of your blog. I LOVE IT. Totally relate to the body pillow. I go no where without it--but I never thought to name it. I will be doing that soon. Also the jeans...they don't lie. This is why I hate them. I only hang out with people who lie and tell me I look fabulous even when I dont. :-) I will be stalking your blog again.

Furry Bottoms said...

Ummmmmm dotdotdot

I love your blog! Your header took me a few minutes! Before I realized what it was!

joven said...

hi, you have nice blog.. u can view also mine..

Angie said...

To answer your question, I graduated in 1993 from Rockwall, Angie Miller. I think you are closer to my sister's age. She graduated in 1997 (allison Miller).

Betsy said...

FYI... you make me smile on a regular basis. So you should check out my blog on Friday.
Just so ya know :-P

David and Teresa said...

Hey Baby,
this is mutha. cute blog junk. my comments are these. I think my son in law has beautiful eyes also. you August and Jakob and Izey and Miah do also.....It looks like sweet sunflower won the stick babies always slept in suitcases when they were VERY that is a gharial...i do like your idea of what a gharial is better also...oh yes, wearing sweats for too many days in a row can be hazardous to your hips, i agree....what rhymes with "sock locker?".....and last but not least...I separate thoughts especially when txting...LOVE YOU SO MUCH! LOL! MUTHA