What's on Jessica's Phone?

It's been a while since a, whats on Jessica's phone, so this is gonna be a loooong one.
Thankfully, blogger was acting like a total freakin CHUMP and made me upload each picture,
ONE
BY
ONE.
Dang blogger.

First and foremost, my most recent MMB post is up and ready for the world to view.
Go check it HERE homies.

Okay, let's get this party started...

1. SOOOO I've been workin out pretty hardcore lately. It's gross. I get all sweaty and nasty, but it's for the good of mankind that I look decent this summer since I'll be spending EVERY SINGLE DAY living in my swimmer at the beach or pool. This is the first summer I WONT be preg in a LONG time (or at least it feel like that) so I wanna be hot.

My ultimate goal is to look like this by the end of May...

Unfortunately, it's gonna be kinda hard to attain that hotness because I don't have blonde hair like that.

Instead, right now I look like this...

Which isn't TOO bad.

So we'll see if maybe I can like buy some hair dye or sumthin. I dunno.

Otherwise I'll just have to settle with this look.

*sigh*

Anywho, spending my mornings on the treadmill have blessed me with the opportunity to enjoy the lovelies in skankville, NC.

Lookie lookie.

So I'm gonna go to the gym and burn calories, but at the same TIME, I gonna be puttin some good 'ole yummy coke in my bod to give me the energy to keep walkin.

And then there was my favorite.

Afro man with a headband.

This man, is the VERY reason I needa switch SIM cards with Lover so I can have the 3GS and use a video camera at ALL HOURS OF HE DAY.

The picture of course doesn't show the lovely head jammin this guy was doing. He was seriously ROCKIN OUT on the elliptical. Like, I was really impressed with his awesomeness and I, for a moment, coveted his bravery and boldness.

You go afro dude. Work it!

2. During my trip to Texas I enjoyed many tasty deeelights. One of which being divinely made BBQ.

Dear NC,

Your BBQ sucks. You have no idea what REAL BBQ is. You never will. I keep giving u 2nd and 3rd and 34537356758654 chances but still...you keep sucking. Your vinegar mix of nasty juice and pork are NOT HOT. I wanna throw up in my mouth thinking of that concoction you call "bbq sauce". Mmmmm, No. Take for a moment and look at what REAL BBQ looks like.

Grossed out,

Jessica.

Oh my heavenly yummyness.

Wicked sweet fried okra.

Sausage. SAUSAGE PEOPLE!

Sliced BEEF. Not pork. It's BEEF.

Oh beef.

And then MY food.

A baked potato bigger than my head with about 2 cups of melted butter and cheese and then 346 lbs of chopped BEEF.

I'm drooling.

3. Izey loves the swing at the park.

Izey DOESN'T love sharing his swing at the park.
I think I might try this with Lover if he's up to it one day.

3. This is for my deEr friend April.
I saw this at the...whatever that hunting store is called and thought of how she uses fart spray at her desk when she can't control her bodily functions and doesn't want the other co-workers to "sniff" her out.

4. My August loves Michele. He really does. One Sunday during sacrament he loved her too much and fell into a sleeping trance on her chest. He wanted everyone to know he had been there so he left her a nice drool puddle on her ultra thin shirt.

5. So here's a little story in pictures.

One time I was using this...

And then I glanced down in the sink and noticed this...

And then I realized my blow dryer might be a tad too hot.

6. So while in OK/AR visiting Lover's family, we went to a track meet for his cousin. I had to stop this poor young boy and ask to photo his jersey. He wanted to make sure that if I took a picture, I wouldn't be posting it on the internet, making fun of it.

I assured him,

I would.

7. Never. EVER.

Eva eva eva.

Mess with Lover and his ice cream and iphone.

8. Or izey for that matter.

9. I saw this necklace at Banana Republic and

I

MUST

HAVE.

But it was $98,

and I only had like $2.50.
SO I took a picture of it and I plan on reproducing it.

Do you think I can?

Do you dare me to try?

10. In the bathroom of my church there sits this lovely paper towel holder.

Apparently the church goers think that the paper towels IN the paper towel holder have legs and plan to escape.

11. Have I done this one already on a previous post?

If I have, it deserves another look.

Since when did they start packaging tErds?

12. Siamese strawberries.

To separate or not to separate?

13. My lover loves me. One time I was sick and asked for some Sprite.

He brought me some.

All blinged up.

14. Michele is kinda white trash and she keeps like 31 old tires in her front yard just to make sure all her neighbors KNOW she's white trash. It's so fun for the kids.

15. This is a REAL toilet that my Lover's Aunt has in her home.

Looks normal enough, right?

But wait,

over here on the wall are these lovely buttons.

I think I need one of these kind of toilets.

Say it with me,
"Front cleansing"

16. One time Miah got a big 'ole remote control 4 wheeler.

Then Kora put it on her head and taunted Miah not to make it go with his remote.

Miah doesn't do well with taunting.

That'll teach her.

17. And to end this lovely post o mine, I have a picture of the biggest jerk on the face of the planet. Remember when I went to Texas with Gussy and there was a mean man who kept giving me dirty looks and saying, out loud, "Well, THIS is gonna be a long flight." because Gus was crying.

I would like for the WORLD to see him.

Know this face.

And next time you happen to cross paths with him.

Kick him in his *&#$!

THE END!