Monday, January 4, 2010

A List of Junk Bo-diddly UNK.

I'm gonna get creative and attempt to tie each of my pieces of junk together...

MagiCally

(that word looks wrong when you type it out like that huh?)


1. While making dinner one afternoon, I glanced outside my kitchen window only to see a flash of nerd spring across my lawn. I ran to grab my camera to memorialize the occasion.

Jakob was embarrassed.

I said, "Why the crap are you dressed like that out here?"

He replied, "I'm pretending to be mental."

Apparently the kids have run out of games.



He reminded me of one other boy who was mental on purpose.




2. Speaking of seeing odd things...

Lover and I saw Avatar for our anniversary date night.

I enjoyed it very much. I didn't think I would. I'm not into all that fake crap.
But I did notice something interesting about the movie that surprisingly no one else has noticed...





It's Fern Gully on steroids.

Am I right?

If you haven't seen Fern Gully, you should.

Not because it's good, it's actually quite boring.

But because of the similarities.

UN REAL I tell you. This must have been the writer's favorite childhood movie.




While watching the movie we got to wear fun black rimmed glasses, like these.

Noooo, Gus didn't go on our date.

He was all snuggly at my Summer Sister's house.




WE wore the fun glasses.

It made us feel all vintage. They're quite soft on the eyes.

I brought them home to keep and wear around when I don't feel like watching the kids fight with each other. They take me to a different place.




3. Speaking of wearing glasses...

Notice mine are crooked. That's because I have crooked ears.

I hate it.

Every pair of sunglasses I buy are crooked.

I wonder if you can get an EAR lift.




4. Speaking of body parts...(you like how I'm doing this??)

My feet are getting really dry around the heel and that top pointy part that sticks out under your pinky toe. I've always been 100% against the ped egg.

I think it's a cheese grater for your feet.

It makes my teeth hurt.
But lately, I've been considering it.

Whadya think Marnie? I know you have one.


5. Speaking of things that gross me out...

Reading.

Yuck.

I have a book in my possession loaned to me by my dear Gia.

She is forcing me to read it because she thinks the author reminds her of me.

No really, she is FORCING ME.

She put a gun to my head.

And 6 slices of pumpkin roll.

It's not as easy for me to read as it is for her.

She has like a reading addiction.

But, I guess I'll try.



6. Speaking of addictions...

I am addicted to Ziploc easy zipper bags.

I wanna put everything in them.

Makeup, snacks, dirty diapers, leftovers, wipeys, marinades, maybe even children if they made them large enough.

OOooh, I have a good idea.

They should make a Ziploc easy zipper TRASH BAG.

So you can always zip it up and no nasty trash smell gets in your house.

And when it's full you just zip it up and take it out.

I love it.

Patent pending.




7. Speaking of fantastic inventions...

I bought Lover an iPhone for our anniversary.

Remember when he got one for me last year?

It turned out to be the best present ever. I admit.

I was wrong.

So I thought he needed his own.


As he was learning the ropes of his new phone, he decided to send me his first picture text.

He snapped this picture of himself in bed and sent it to me.

Only,

it didn't go to ME.

He accidentally sent it to his almost 300 lb beefy friend named Hyrum.

And that isn't all.

He sent a little message with it that read,

"I miss you."

They're really tight now.




8. Speaking of embarrassing moments...

I'm totally embarrassed about this one.

With two babies that don't always nap at the same time but if they DO, then it's like a MIRACLE,

I've found myself becoming a psycho about the doorbell.

If someone rings it,

I

FLIP
OUT.

I always hated those stupid "baby sleeping, don't ring the bell" signs people have on their doors. I always thought people who had those were anal, uptight losers.

No.

They were just moms who don't get ANY quiet time so when they DO, they want to keep it for as long as they can.

I've even become mean to the neighborhood kids about it.

I went so far as to go to a parent whose kid KEPT ringing my bell.

How anal is that?




Maybe if I got one of these people would think twice about ringing my bell.


9. Speaking of things things that make you uncomfortable...

I know I've mentioned before that I always loved losing my teeth.

I love the pain.

I love wiggling them back and forth.

I love hearing the gums rip.

Well,

sometimes, when I'm in deep thought, I start wiggling my teeth to help me think.

I've been doing that, to a molar.

I wanna pull it out.

It feels so nice.

Would you judge me if I did?
(ps...big plans are a'Brewin in my head which are
causing the deep thought, not deep toots, stay tuned)

10. Speaking of things that wiggle...

Sometimes, again when I'm in deep thought, I can't sleep.

When I try to sleep, and close my eyes, they just jiggle and wiggle inside their little eyelid cocoons. It's frustrating because I can't get them to calm down.

Am I the only one who gets jiggly eyes?




11. Speaking of hangups...

My Koko has outgrown baby hangers.

I made the executive decision to, from now on, only use adult hangers for her stuff.

I hate when my babies have to grow and their clothes become big.

And no, I don't have these adorable vintage wooden hangers but if you REALLY want to buy them for me...OOOOOk. You can.


12. Speaking of babies growing up...

I'm so glad this one isn't yet :)

Here is my Gus-Gus getting a pillow ride from Kora as he stares up watching her beauty.

And no, Jake isn't getting frisky with the couch in the background like it looks.

He's coming back from around the couch.




OH WAIT!

If you haven't already,

you should go HERE to win a custom made tutu by


21 comments:

Jill said...

Ok, I'm still waiting for whatever crafty thing you are brewing up in your mind. You said last night that you would be posting about it today. The picture text of Lover being sent to Hyrum cracked me up. I actually LOL! And Gia is right - you MUST read this book. It's hysterical and she does remind me of you. Being from the South, I "got" allot of it that other people might not get but it really is funny! You should join our book club! :)

Brandi said...

LOL You are amazing, I would never have the amazing patients you have to put your entries together. THIS was hilarious!

So jealous about Avatar. : ( Tony and I were going to see it while I was in Jacksonville but once we got there and the parking lot was full and he didn't like the idea of us being cramped, boo!

I am seeing I missed a lot while I was gone. The next time I'm there you bet your sweet cookies (I do hope you bake them) I'm ringing ... well no ringing ... contacting you for a get together. :D

Brandi

David and Teresa said...

For a moment there I thought you were going to say that Jakob was being a nerd like pawpaw. Thank goodness he wasn't thinking of me and my tucked in t-shirt with shorts on. Love Dad

dena said...

we thought avatar was great too! i'm the biggest movie skeptic and it won me over. i want one of those flying dragon things for christmas next year.

nice jake. you got it!

pedi egg rocks. i asked for one from my mom for christmas. it's just fun to see the "stuff" that the little mork from ork egg catches. as much as you little body stuff, you so really enjoy this!

the background in the picture of kora and gus reminds me of the sound in your bathroom four-ish years ago. made me laugh!

Paige said...

A friend and I had a long conversation last night about how Avatar was really just Fern Gully + Dances with Wolves. No real originality in the story, I'm afraid. Good thing the graphics were so cool. :)

Candace said...

Gus is the sweetest little fella. I wanna hold him so bad. Why do you have to live a million miles away???

And I can't imagine sitting through Avatar, I'd fall asleep for sure. That kind of movie is not my cup of tea.

And Jake makes a really cute nerd.

Can't wait to hear what you're a brewin up in ur pretty little head!

Bonnie said...

Man, my ears are crooked too! Actually my whole face is crooked and it drives me nuts. But the glasses thing really makes me crazy. Like my mouth is crooked, but only when I smile real big. But my ears, I can't hide it. I hate it. That one eyebrow that peeks out above my sunglasses, ugh! I've tried bending the ear prices to make up for my lopsided ears but nothing works...nothin! I feel your pain.

Willis Party of 6 said...

I can't STAND when the doorbell rings when Spitball is napping! I start yelling thru my teeth!!!!

I love how Gus's eyes are starring right up at Kora to make sure she doesn't throw him into a helicopter ride.

Dear Matt said...

Testing.....

Giaellis2 said...

I also have crooked ears, maybe the straight eared people are the weird ones! I LOL at your mental son and I thought he was gonna say LOVER, not your dad was his role model! HA! I have a ped egg and it is a disgusting cheese grater for feet! You can have it and save yourself $10 (used it twice). You (or Amber) are welcome to the His/Hers lube as well cause it's makes my Barbara NUMB! YUCK! The book is hilarious and it's not even like reading! It's so funny - like YOU! It took me 2 days, I'll give you 4. Ava (and almost Ethan) has ALSO outgrown the small hangars! EVERYTHING falls off of them now and it annoys me, but makes me too sad to replace them! waaaaaaaaaaaaa :(

Kris said...

Good post. I liked Austin's message. I haven't seen Avatar yet, but you might like this: http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/130283/original.jpg

Kris said...

And that pedi egg thing, it makes me think of parmesan cheese...so I would be afraid that someone who owns one would decide to play a prank on me.

Monica said...

Ok, the teeth thing freaks me out. I'm just saying.
Maybe I have crooked ears too! Sunglasses always, ALWAYS go crooked on me, and I figured I had some weird bump on my nose or I always bought retarded sunglasses. Guess not.

Kim said...

Thanks for making me smile today... really... thanks

nat said...

ok i bought the ped egg and hated hated hated it....it didn't work anything like i thought it would....total waste of money...those little scrubbers for your feet you use in the tub work wwwwaaaayyyyy better

Jamie said...

You are hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

Chernobyl said...

One time I actually YELLED at 2 of the neighborhood kids for ringing my bell ON PURPOSE - REPEATEDLY and then running away despite my very nice note asking for people to not ring the bell. I couldn't help it. I was very post-partum and they were being rotten during my bubby-soph's nap. Then they started relocating my trash cans over night so we had to make nice. Funny post. Love the proctologist pic.

Chernobyl said...

Oh yeah, and they do make super gigantic ziplock bags. I keep our 30lb dog food bag in one. Too expensive to do regular garbage with though.

Kathy said...

The PedEgg is so nice. I thought the same thing as you, but then I got one for graduation. It doesn't feel like a cheese grater, it just rubs away all the "gunk"-you should totally get one!

Marnie said...

Totally LUV the ped egg (as you know), but is a cheese grater for your foot. You will probably love seeing all the dry scaly skin that is grated off. I have crooked ears too. Nice to know there are others. You have to tell us what book you are reading...sounds very interesting...

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

You see what you're making me do by NOT posting--you're making me go into your archives so that I can get a good read in before bed time! Loved this post mucho! I saw you mentioned your "summer sister"--was that in reference to the book? which just so happens to be the best book EVER {but then again, you told us u don't like to read}...