Thursday, September 17, 2009

BLACK

So recently my friends have picked up on a trend of mine that started about 9 months ago.
My daily use of black clothing.
For some reason, when I'm pregnant I put away all my creativity in dressing and just go ALL BLACK EVERY DAY.
I consider it mourning the loss of me and my body.
It's becoming obsessive. Really it is.
If only I had pictures of myself daily, you'd see.
But since I don't, I'll show you the pictures I DO have of myself these last 9 months.
Let us begin...
BLACK
(Amber's 30th bday)

BLACK
(Amber in the hospital)

BLACK
(visiting Amber at home...I hate this picture but I'm still showing you)

BLACK
(gno night in Texas)

BLACK
(Jake's 9th bday)

BLACK
(during our move)

BLACK
(Summer's bday party)

BLACK
(my visit to Utah)

BLACK
(Isaak 9 months in utero proving that I was black obsessed with his preg too)

I feel like a cartoon character when I walk into my closet.
Hmmm....what to wear?
Black..
Black..
OOHHH YEA, BLACK!!
Like Mickey Mouse and his closet of tuxedos and red pants.

Or Charlie Brown and his closet full of yellow and black zig zag shirts.
I DO have a blue shirt that I throw in the mix on some days. But you have to be REALLY lucky to see that one.
And I DID have a brown skirt.
But it died a horrible death.
Wanna hear about it? Okay I'll share if you promise not to laugh.
(oh shutup...you know you will)
So I've had a bad case of the hemi's lately. If you don't know what I'm talking about I'm not going to explain because I refuse to write that word, it's just gross.
Anywho, my friend Amber gave me this special "creme" that her Dad got in Bahrain.
It's magical.
It makes you feel like you have a peppermint butt.
So the first day I used it I was wearing my brown skirt.
I called Amber and told her it felt lovely. Like I had a peppermint in my butt.
BUT
I told her that I felt like everyone around me could tell that I had the peppermint creme on.
We laughed it off...
HAHAHA.
Then a few nights ago I was folding laundry and I held up my brown skirt only to find a
HUGE GREASE STAIN
in the butt crack region of my skirt!!!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
Everyone COULD see that I was wearing the peppermint creme after all!!
I knew it.
I was mortified trying to think back as to who I encountered that day that I'll continue to see on a regular basis.
UGH.
So my brown skirt died.
A peppermint death.
AND THAT,
is why I'll just keep wearing my black.

20 comments:

Deanna said...

Yikes! That picture made my body hurt all over again.

I say wear what you want. Wear a mumu if that's what makes you feel better.

Janae Ranes said...

Haha! What an awesome mystery stain. Seriously, I am ALWAYS throwing clothes away because of weird stains from the children.

I think black is a great thing. Sometimes, I wonder why I buy anything else. Like this red shirt I have- WHY?????????? Why would I wear that? It still looks brand new. It makes me feel like a fat valentine.

We've been out of work enough time now to have a newborn in a couple of weeks. Sometimes, I wish I was getting a baby instead of WHO KNOWS WHAT THE HELL WE ARE GOING TO DO. You know, babies are more exciting.

Valinda said...

Hahaha! I am laughing. I have lots of black to go with all my mom jeans. And a little bit of red and dark blue but that's all.

dena said...

my favorite is camo...my tactic blend in. somehow i think i'm accomplishing the opposite.

Riece said...

HA! I'm sorry you have hemmies. That can't be fun. And I'm also sorry you experienced a greasy butt stain. That's always what I imagine happens to the poor people who use Ally. You know, that weight loss drug that warns of grease leeching out of your butt!? Gah, I can't people still use that crap! The COMMERCIAL that WANTS you to buy this stuff WARNS you that you will have DIARRHEA that looks like the orange fat on GROUND BEEF, and that SOMETIMES it will just kinda SEEP out!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?

Sorry... tangent.

Riece said...

Also... I love black.

andi said...

I was a black fiend as well- something about a pregnant belly looks good in black.

Paige said...

Well, you know what they say: Black is slimming. And it is. Some people embrace their pregnant curves and others are a little more self consious about them (myself included in the latter group). But whatever it is, you look great in black. Go with it. And lay off the greasy bum cream.

***** said...

You look hawt in black.. That's why you wear it. I like you in black everyday because it reminds me of Debbie Kelly whom I love to be around too. Good taste.

Bonnie said...

I love it! I love it so much that you have made my already crappy day- just a little bit better. Why are your skirts stories the only thing that can cheer me up? Thank you! Brown-white skirts, greasy- brown shirts, I think you should stick to black.

Laura said...

you know what they say...once you go black...

there's this aerosol spray Shout stain remover specifically for greasy stains that I've had success with--not on peppermint bumcrack stains, but other greasy stuff. try that next time your juicy buns leave a stain.

Lindsay said...

i wish i had a moo moo. i need one. one of those cute mexican ones that mother used to have in her closet. Enos' mom has one that i wanna steal.. it's so fricken CUTE!! anyway.. wearing black is just a part of the hating your body thing, i think. you'll be reborn into colors once the baby is all done baking. hurry up A!!!!

kelly manz said...

im all about the black! i think the pic of you visiting amber at home is totally cute! and the pic of you visiting 2 girls in utah - the girls hair on the far right is effing uh-dora-bull! i want a peppermint butt too (minus the hemis)!!!

raschel said...

i wish i could wear black. one time, in HS i had SEVERE psoriasis (which also produces severe dandruff)...i remember being teased...so much so, that to this day...I refuse to wear dark colors in case a flake of dandruff were to fall. i'm scarred i tell you! but, you look awesome no matter what color you wear.

Kathy said...

Yesterday I was at George's party, and suddenly I notice-Valinda and I are both wearing, BLACK!!!

Froggylady said...

I bet everyone could smell your peppermint butt too.

Candace said...

hahahahahaahhahhaaha... so funny. :)

Misty said...

Love it!!!!

Staci said...

haha we still look like hobbits in that pic compared to you. You are beautiful and if you feel comfortable in only blk then more power to you....goth is in right now!

Staci said...

hahah Lindz I have one of those mexican moo moo's and i wear it daily!