Friday, August 21, 2009

I think it's safe to say...

That I'm glad to be back :)

I really did miss my bloggity smog. For those of you who are my friends on facebook...this was highly noticeable...right?

Yesterday's Wanna-Be of Amber didn't seem to be AS much of a hit as my past Wanna-Be's. Some complained of it being "too long". The thing is, that's how Amber is. She's WAYYY too long to listen to. She will agree that her stories go on and on and on and on...

BUT

That's just Amber :) It makes me laugh so I continue to listen.
Not sure what the comment issue was. For some people it showed I wasn't allowing comments. AND the deleted comment was by Amber. She left a comment and then wanted to redo it. SO everyone just calm down, nothing to get excited over!

PHEW.

Now that I've cleared the air...on to bigger and better things!

While away on my hiatus, I made personal notes to myself recording things, day to day, that I wanted to remember and share with you all! For the next few posts I'll take it five days at a time so you're all caught up...sound good? OH and I'll probably mix in a little of REAL time stuff just to make sure it's all nice and confusing for you. Cuz that's what I do.
Let's get started.
DAY ONE:
This was an odd day. I felt not normal having to give up my only outlet to my thoughts due to some things that had been going on. I knew it was for the best, but it was so hard. I ate chips at the kitchen table staring off into space as I could faintly hear my Lover's voice repeating over and over, "What's for dinner? Jess? What's for dinner?" He could tell I was lost and decided to take control of the situation announcing...
"We're going to a Chinese Buffet!"
WHOA!
That sure snapped me outta my trance. Chinese Buffet in NC? Do Chinese people even LIVE in NC? We quickly threw on our boots and dashed out the door to one of the nastiest places I've ever been to. But it was cheap.
Wait.
No it wasn't. It was freakin expensive for nasty A food.
Why did we go there again?
OH YEAAAA
Cuz I was broken.
So anyway.
(I just realized this post is gonna be a like a mile long so get a snack real quick and then come back.)
Okay so as much as I had to keep holding back my gag reflex, it was a nice getaway from our usual dinners out OR in.
I learned that fortune cookies are also...
MaGiC CooKiEs!



But you should never try to eat them because not only do they ACT like rubber...
They taste like it too.

I learned that according to my Chinese calendar place mat, My Lover the DRAGON,

and ME the Horse, will NEVER work out.
That's too bad cuz we're kinda in this for life.


Thank goodness I truly believe that LoVe conquers all.
:)I learned from the old lady who sat next to our table that "our children are VERY well behaved."? Huh? Wait a minute, are you sure you're talking about MY children?
OH YEA...
I guess if you were to compare them to the white trash TEEEN couple who sat next to us with their toddler who threw his food and screamed the entire time, my children DO look pretty good.
No but for real. I thought about that.
My Lover and I are pretty hard on these guys, but they really ARE good kids.
I learned that I need to praise them more for this.

Not only that but they're ALLLLL so precious and yummy :)
(Penny, stop wearing that shirt or I'm gonna have to give it away on a blog contest like I did the one I couldn't stop wearing.)

I learned that my Lover HATES smelling my armpits no matter how much I PROMISE him they smell soooo good and he really should take a sniff.

I learned, after watching the finale of Japanese Gameshow, that I HAVE to be on this show. Like HAVE to be on it. I'll start working on that project after I pop #5 out. I would be soooo good at this, don't you think?

And on a more serious note,
I learned that it's really really hard for me to apologize for being wrong to specifically Jakob. I have no problem saying it to the other kids, but Jake...
For some reason I fear so much for him to see my weak side.
I want to fix this and I WILL. I realized that as "Adult" as I make him out to be in my mind, he's still just a little boy and I should treat him more like that.
I'm sorry Jakob.
DAY TWO:
As I drove through a drive-through to grab a quick drink, I was in a hurry and more relaxed in my speaking. When I ordered, it came out sounding REALLY Texan.
Whoa, where did that crawl out of? I thought to myself.
Then I pulled up to the window to pay and I learned that when I DON'T try to cover up my Texas accent, I come across nicer to people! Who knew!
I should be honky a little more often!


I learned that if you pour a deliciously cold cherry coke into an ice filled cup that smells like BUTT, it will make your cherry coke smell like cherry butt as you drink it.
YUCK.

I learned that Miah will beat me at Sequence for Kids
EVERY
TIME.
No matter how strategic I am.
Dang that boy.
This was the day that I got the keys for the new house and I had planned on getting started right away on painting the walls. Unfortunately, I had ALLLLL the kid with me and you KNOW my feelings about paint and kids.
WELL,
I bought some smaller brushes at the paint store for each kid and I learned that letting the kids paint CAN be fun. I need to just 'let go' a little bit and not be so high strung about messes and crap.
That night I learned that I do my BEST thinking right before I fall asleep and in the middle of the night. In order to be a better EVERYTHING, I decided to keep a pad of paper and a pen right next to my bed at all times to jot down my thoughts so they don't disappear in the morning.

I was also introduced to my new mailman that day and I learned that he has a fantastic name.
Pascal.
DAY THREE:
I woke up early this day to be able to go BACK to the new house and finish all the painting. I got the kids all ready in my hussle and bussle and then noticed my littlest man roaming the house in his own little world. I never told you guys that he's walking EVERYWHERE now. And I realized that maybe I didn't give him enough credit for this great accomplishment.
As I sat for a moment just watching him be mobile, I learned that he's a MUCH better walker than he was a limp legged crawler. I learned that as much as he kisses my growing belly and carries Kora's babies around that he will soon be a great BIG brother. Except when he throws the baby up against the wall because it doesn't talk back to him.
I learned that like his namesake, he lives off hot dogs, bologna and cheese.
OH
and popcorn.

While I painted my new house I kept thinking back to the night before and my CrAzY dream I had. My hands felt sore, but were clear although in my dream, I had tons of huge blisters on them. I kept trying to relate that dream to my life. Why? What did it mean? What was it representing? And then, I learned that although a LOT of my dreams have meaning to my life, some just don't.
Orrrrrr doooo theeeeyyy???
spooky.

It felt like it took me forever to finish painting that house and wrangle my kids to not touch the walls or drip TOO much paint on the carpet and wood floors. I was annoyed that I had been there so long. BUT, then I realized that I was only ONE person painting about FOUR rooms in two days!! Whoa momma...did I really just do that?
At that point, I learned that I LOVE my long arms and without the massive wingspan I have, it probably would have taken me MUCH longer. How thankful I am for my limbs.

I went back home to our old house that night, exhausted. I wanted to just curl up and sleep for days. I was on edge and as usual, I barked at the boys for something stupid. I felt bad and it had happened one too many times in the last few days.
I went upstairs and laid in my bed and pondered why I do that. For some reason I feel like I'm always on the boys more than Kora and Penny. I feel lost when I try to discipline them. I feel like their love for me isn't as strong as Kora's and Penny's because of how hard I am on them. I learned then, that I need to work on understanding the boys more past the age of 2 and figure out why I seem to lose touch with them after that age.

I spent the next day researching books about rainsing boys and found that this book recieved great reviews. I ordered it immediately. I figure if there are FIVE love languages and I have FIVE kids...I'm bound to have at least ONE with a different love language than mine. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time being a good mother. I'll let you know how this goes.

I DID finally finish painting that day and I owe it to this girl.
I learned that I paint WAY faster when I'm rockin out to my Britney.

DAY FOUR:
I was able to spend some time with my Lover on this day and we watched a movie together from our newly aquired Netflix account. YAY for netflix. I love movies :) We saw Yes Man and I thought it was really great! Jim Carrey is, as always, very funny. I learned that maybe I should apply his theory of saying YES to more things than not and maybe more opportunities will present themselves to me as well! It can't hurt!

Kora and I spent the earlier part of the day school shopping for everyone and getting all the supplies ready so we wouldn't have to deal with that in the middle of our move. It was like a Mommy Daughter date and I had a blast with her as usual.
We stopped for lunch and ate burgers with fries at Sonic and just talked. All of a sudden she starts coughing and grabbing her throat and then she yells to me,
"I HAVE A FRY STUCK IN MY NECK!!!"
I needed to respond concerned but I couldn't because she was referring to her throat but she said neck and all I could picture was a fry sticking out of the middle of her neck. She finally got it cleared and when I told her why I was laughing, she couldn't stop laughing either.
I learned that she is one of the funniest people I know and I love her little personality.

While walking through the mall together picking out school clothes for her and the boys, we passed someone doing this little number.

Only the person doing it was about 20 years old, wearing coochie cutter jean shorts and a half tank top. Kora looked at me with wide eyes, obviously very confused.
And at that moment, I learned that there are some things you just NEVER outgrow.

DAY FIVE:
It was our second visit to our new ward and I was still SUPER nervous.
Sacrament was nice,
for about 10 minutes.
Then I had to leave with Isaak. I don't know what I would do if our older three weren't so well behaved, really. Isaak was EVERYWHERE making EVERY noise possible. He's such a rowdy little man. I don't know why I get so frustrated. Maybe it's because I know it's only gonna get harder when really I should just enjoy this moment BEFORE the baby comes as being "the easy time".
The talk was good. It was about controlling your anger which is something I needed to hear. I payed a smuch attention to it as I could but I only caught about every 6th word. After sacrament Jake came up to my Lover and told him that he didn't want to be rude, but he wanted Austin to think about what the man said about not speaking unless you have control of your anger. When Austin told me about it my heart grew. My baby Jake is getting big enough to actually LISTEN and LEARN from the speakers and not only THAT but he's making sure WE'RE listening too!!
So I learned, from Jake, that I need to make sure I have control of my anger before I speak from now on. Otherwise I might regret the way I acted...which is more than likely.

I don't why I'm so freakin emotional lately. I mean it's not like I'm growing a human inside of me or anything but when a special guest came into Sacrament to play a musical number on the piano I lost it. My Lover was in the hall with Penny at that time and I sat there with my three heathens listening to the music and I felt so moved. We were between houses, in a new ward, and very finacially tight but at that moment I felt at peace...with EVERYTHING.
I learned that music has a way of making you feel safe at home no matter where you are.

Just so you know, everyday we go to this place for the next few months I'm gonna be super soggy with my crazy hormomes. This day was especially bad. Well...the next Sunday was especially bad too but THIS day...we're on this day right now so we'll focus here.
I remember feeling so annoyed with everything on this day as if the world was falling apart but as I think back now...I can't really remember what was so awful.

I DID learn that if I don't start brushing my stripper hair on a regular basis, I'm gonna end up with a head full of these nasties. Eww.

And finally, while home from church (THANKFULLY) I learned that "DANGER" is Miah's middle name. Or so he tells me.





15 more days to hear about. Are you bored yet?

17 comments:

Janae Ranes said...

Maybe you could sneak a few more of those rubbers, I mean fortune cookies, next time and then you might not get pregnant again. But you do make mighty cute children.

I totally get what you are saying about boys above two, even though I only have one. Really, thanks for sharing all of that because it gives me ideas as well and makes me feel more normal.

I can't believe you painted a house. I haven't blogged for awhile too, but it isn't because I'm PAINTING A HOUSE. It's because my life sucks. :)

Well, not totally, but a bit.

But I still feel that peace you talked about, now and then.

I'm not bored, I'm ready for the next 15 already!

Larman Family said...

I am sooo glad to have you back. I love hearing about how things are going. Hopefully some day you can move back to Texas and we can be great friends.

Heather B.... said...

Glad you are back...

I feel a warm and fuzzy inside and think I might attempt to blog again.
You should take breaks. I think that its great to take "Mommy time-outs" and remember that you are your own individual person and can enjoy life, in addition to being a wife and mother.

Question though:
I am kinda of confused...is the font just getting BIGGER? Or is Leo getting LARGER! :)
H

Lil Eskimo said...

okay, here we go...

Day One: you can only be on chinese game show if you convince bonnie to be on wipeout. i can't watch one without the other.

Day Two: cherry butt...what a disappointment!

Day Three: maybe that's what it is...understanding boys when they actually act like boys. testosterone...such an interesting hormone. five love languages...like it.

Day Four: kora is DEFINITELY a keeper. and, thanks for the hope for my thumbsucker.

Day Five: is that jason castro?

The Nugen's said...

Oh Jess, I am so glad you are back!!! I am sitting in class at a dental conference and I knew I shouldn't read your blog but I couldn't help myself! Everyone kept staring at me because I couldn't stop laughing!! Thank you and u am looking forward to more!!

The Nugen's said...

Ya know I just called you Jess and I don't think you like that...if so sorry!!!

Staci said...

1.I love Penny's star wars shirt and would be very happy if you gave it away in hopes that i will get it!
2.I also love Penny's love for baby dolls..I gave Miles one the other day! He kissed her then threw her..hopefully he doesn't do that to his new lil sister when she comes!
3.Brittany Spears? Really? Next time pop in some good 80's classic hair band rock...totally get you pumped!
4.Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings to us...you are inspiring!
5.NEVER BORED keep them coming!

dana j. said...

welcome back! could penny be any cuter with those sunglasses on??

Valinda said...

I love to hear about your craziness and all the fun it brings. I'm looking forward to the next 15 days but no more of those gross blister hand pictures that was icky!

Giaellis2 said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, good job on the enlightenment and self actualization! Maslow (and his "hierarchy of needs") would be proud! You really missed your callings in life - you are a great writer and the next Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett for sure!!!! It's not too late :) So, you don't like to be called Jess? I need to know this when/if we ever talk in person one of these days! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR I do plan on going to church this Sun. and since it's been a month, I am considered inactive, so I will be nervous too and my kids will be horrid, for sure, AND...........I only have two! waaaaaaaaaaa Also, I freakin LOVE me some Brittany Spears too (such a guilty pleasure......like the Twilight series) I am DYING to see her in concert along with The Pussycat Dolls right now! We should go! :) So..............will we ever find out what actually happened to cause your hiatus? Did it have to do with Anon? Did you find out who HE was? Did you read my message on FB about the peacock? Can I make this any longer? Oh yeah...........Chinese Buffett in J-actionville?? GROSS! Have you gambled and lost yet? UGH!

Carolina said...

friend!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not gonna praise you like everyone else...you already have enough of that (haha) BUT...

I did miss you and your craziness.
I missed your blog posts.
It wasn't the same without you.

carolE

Lindsay said...

i had to take a break and come back because it was so long... but it was good. i just got busy. and i have to say... NEVER EVER write in that font again. it drove me CRAZY! everything else was marvelous and very good. i'm glad you took notes. :) love you sister.

Jess said...

Where in the world do you find these outrageous pictures? I wonder what you type into google images for your search. Yes, the picture of the nasty hand was enough to make me toss at night.

Your lover smells your pits? This is a whole new level of love than I'm used to...

I am grateful you shared your thoughts about mothering. I have felt pretty lousy about my skills (or lack of) lately. I'm inspired to do better thanks to you. Move back to Texas already! (Are you sick of me saying that?)

Thank you, (wink, wink)
Jess

Dana said...

I am so glad you took notes.. Chinese buffets are gross...any where..I think you are too hard on yourself but i think that is a mom thing ... two kids kick my butt.. i prasie you for raising five.. lastly,,, picture of blisters gross gross gross hope you get that peacock.. i want to see what it looks like

Mary said...

hey friend! Missed you! Welcome back to bloggie land!

Willis Party of 5 said...

G8!

Riece said...

I can't believe I read that whole thing... or that it was so entertaining!