Friday, April 3, 2009

Weekly Wanna-Be

Okay so on Tuesday (or was it Monday?) I took Jeremiah to the doctor. This was a new doctor that we were referred to for specialty care, I'll explain more maybe tomorrow. Anyway, the waiting area was HUGE and had tons of fun toys and games and chairs for the kids to sit and play. There were probably about 6-8 kids between the ages of 2-5 playing in there when a woman walked in with her son to join the wait for her turn to be called back.

So this week's wanna-be is...

CrAzY Hell Woman in the Waiting Room.

She was a very large woman, both in stature and in width. She had a funny little afro with tight curls, but she was white so it looked way outta place. She was probably in her late 30's. She wore big round plastic glasses and she was a little cross eyed but not the whole time. It's like it only happened when you're eyes accidently met with hers and then you were left feeling like you were staring. She had an extremely upturned nose which made her top lip stay lifted above her gums. Even when she spoke her mouth never really shut which made it addicting to watch her speak. Not only that, but her voice was so loud and commanding. You'd think she was making a speach every time she directed her son to do this or do that or look here or there. Everyone turned to see who she was talking to because she was THAT loud.

When she walked in, she noticed the big fish tank against the wall and begin her rant about God and Hell to her son Roy-Allen. You know how some people are soo hard NOT to stare at because they're so intersting and different from anything you've ever seen or heard? She was like that. And it wasn't just the adults who couldn't keep from being hypnotized by the trance she was putting us all under, the kids feel into her spell as well. As soon as she started her "speach" it was like each and every kid slowly put down their toy or turned around and walked like mummies toward her to sit and listen to what she had to say.

She was amazing. I'm still kicking myself in the rear for not snapping a shot of her with my phone. I'm still trying to get used to the fact that I even HAVE a camera phone.

For the sake of reality, I copied Pee Wee Herman and used tape to magically transform my face to look more like hers. The nose and lip were a MUST for the character. I hope you enjoy that extra mile I traveled for the sake of hilarity. I feel like I owe it to you for being so crappy lately with my wanna-be's.

Enjoy!

Ps...After re-watching this, I have come to the conclusion that I have gone completely insane. Who AM I anymore? What a freak, right? Oh and by the way, my "WEEKLY" Wanna-Be's have added an extra amount of pressure to my life that I don't need right now. From now on I'll give you a Wanna-Be when I have a good one to share instead of forcing myself to feel like crap if I don't give it to you EACH and EVERY week. I know you'll understand. I DO have a life ya know...and 4 kids...and now a husband too...so yea.

25 comments:

Kathy said...

Wow, Wow, Wow,! I am laughing so hard right now. And yeah, now I get to explain to my daughter what hell is!

David and Teresa said...

Do you want to go to Hell and burn forever. Hell No! That was awesome Mrs. Lowe. I love the tape job. Dad

Valinda said...

LOL What a nice send off for my week without cell phones, internet and running water ... oh wait there will be running water.

***** said...

That's cool how at the end of the video, it is stuck with your nostrils looking right at me.
Nice work crazy! SS

Amanda said...

That was great:) 5 STARS!
I can't believe there are ppl like that--but I KNOW they exist:)

Staci said...

hahahahahah I'm at work laughing out loud so hard and pl walking by probably think im crazy! I loved your discribtion of this woman! I loved the pig nose video...you should of got some glasses to complete the look. Love it thank you!

Bonnie said...

You sounded like the old lady from Poltergeist. I kept waiting for you to say Carol Ann... Carol Ann.

Tami said...

You're hilarious.

Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

1. i'm impressed by the strength of that tape. What brand is it?
2. I noticed the excessive salivating that accompanies the dry mouth from never being able to completely close your mouth. Go drink a diet coke. Ok. I'll drink one or five for you.
3. I'm suddenly wanting to have another kid just so I can name him Roy Allen.
4. You started looking completely demonic during the Hell rant because the tape was yanking your forehead down so far. Perfect.
5. Don't you hate mom's who do that garbage at their kids because they know other people are watching/listening? I HATE IT. I refuse to acknowledge them no matter how hard they get me to join their "private" conversation/performance.
6. What is wrong with little Miah? It's not the wee-wee again is it?

Dana said...

FuNnY... I love the tape.. it wouldn't have been the same without it..

Tara and family said...

You are so brilliant Jess! (even thought I told Lindsay you are crazy) I love it!!! So after a year of doing these when you can, you should burn all of them on a DVD as a keepsake, along with a little book filled with the written posts that accompany each clip, so your children will always be able to read about and watch their brilliant mother. :)
*when are you coming? I want to plan a girl's only activity with Lindsay!!!

Candace said...

OH my... that was really good. I was so mesmerized by you and suddenly, I felt soemthing over my shoulder, looked back and Emma was standing there mesmerized by you as well. When the video ended.... she said in a crazy voice, "YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR"... remind me to screen your videos from now on before I let my children watch them.... LOL ;)

Amanda said...

I was so into the video---now that i have re-read the post I noticed something is wrong with Miah? Is it serious???

dena said...

One word.....OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does your nose do that???

The Willis Family said...

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica!!!! How many takes did it take you to get that just right?!?!

I had my mom over here and we watched it together. You had her laughing out loud. But I think both our favorite parts was when you taped your nose up!

Oh, and how did you manage to get all made up for the video "IF" you were suppose to be cleaning your house?!?! Man, you have so much energy, how is that possible?!?!

***** said...

Good one Klyde.
So is that tape going to be merchandise along with your Rebekah Gallaway tshirts? Snout tape for sale.
MA

Lindsay said...

best....wanna be......EVER. I remember when we were little and we would hold our noses up like that and talk about weird kids whose mouths were always open because of their upturned nose and disappearing top lip. and yes.. you are a freak.. but that's how we were raised... as crazy entertainers.

Adam & Brandi said...

Well done my friend, well done. You wanted it to be hilarious, you succeeded! Thank you for the great laugh! Sorry I haven't left a comment in a while, it's just that I KNOW how much you hate it when people leave dinky little one liner comments. And you'd rather them not leave one at all it this be the case. So I have kinda been putting it off. Even though I always leave long ones.
But while I am on here, I really hope that you find out what is going on with your little one and his allergies. I can only imagine how annoying this must be for you.
I was also happy to see that your husband is back. This might relieve a little pressure and stress off of you. Hopefully! Take care

The Mama said...

WOW! LMAO! I am glad that I am all by myself or the kids would think something crazy, lol. Hilarious. And yes, WHAT BRAND OF TAPE IS THAT?

Shauna said...

I am new here! What a great blog :)

andi said...

Hahahaha! OMG, welcome to my work. I could send you some great characters just like that one!

When are you moving back, seriously?? I think the tape is a great look for you, BTW.

Riece said...

Oh my gosh! That was too freaking funny!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

That tape really IS awesome!

Carolina said...

"HEY-YELL" I LOVE IT!!! And YES you ARE a FREAK!! But its great!!

David and Teresa said...

What a funny one, Jess. I don't feel like your wanna be's are not good. I like them and so just do them when you have one. I don't have to have one every week if the pressure is too great. Poor Roy Allen...that is a little much (God and burning in "Hale" teehee forever). Enjoy the 4 kids and the husband...Love you
Mutha