Thursday, April 2, 2009

Junk From A Stinky Girl

1. I feel, look and smell like poonanny today so as much as I WANTED to give you a wanna-be today, It's gonna have to wait until tomorrow. I know, I know...you can't smell me through the computer, the nastiness would just add to the character..but still, this is gross. I'm grounding myself from being in public today. Wanna- Be TOMORROW...I guarantee it...and it's a good one.



2. Unresolved sin. Let's talk about this. So I am a lover of half n half. I will drink it by itself, like milk...CHUG it. Who does that? Me. When I was bartending at Outback Steakhouse while I was pregnant with Kora (hot visual right?) I used to go into the walkin cooler in the back, open a carton of the greatness of half n half and chug it...the whole thing. Occasionally I'd pause for a peak to see if anyone was coming, I was super incognito about it. Recently, after talking to Summer about my love for half n half, I realized that I continue to have the fear of "getting caught" when I enjoy my half n half in my own home. Instead of pouring it in a cup and savoring it each drop that touches my tongue, I stand hiding behind the fridge door, chugging it, peering over my shoulder to see if someone is coming.



I have concluded, this is unresolved sin.



Last night as I was piecing all of this together, I went on my facebook. I searched for the name Walter Cervin, my old manager. Nothing. Dang. But wait, his hot and trendy wife!!! I searched again, this time for Tiffany Cervin...BINGO. It's a match. I asked to be her friend and sent her a message reminding her of myself. Then, I just waited.



This afternoon I received an email stating that she has added me as a friend! She even sent me a message saying how she and Walter could never forget me!! (who could?) I was ecstatic. I knew that I had to finish my mission, the whole reason for locating her.



I wrote...



"Tiffany,



Do me a favor and pass this information on to Walter. When I worked for him at Outback, I used to sneak into the walkin cooler and secretly CHUG the half n half when no one was looking. I know, who does that, right? Me, I do. I was also pregnant and needed the extra calcium and calories. Anywho, my point is, I love half n half but for some reason I am unable to enjoy it is much when I buy it for home use because I have this unresolved sin weighing on my shoulders. I sneak it like I'm at Outback again, waiting for Walter to swing the cooler open and yell at me. I want to let go of this. I'm asking you to ask Walter to forgive me for stealing the half n half. I shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry. Please get back to me...hopefully with his forgiveness....or I may have to give up half n half forever due to my ever increasing guilt.



Love,

Pregnant Jessica ( I was preg then...that's how they know me)"



So I'm waiting to hear back. I hope it's good news. Thank you Summer for encouraging me to come free.



3. So...for lent I'm giving up negativity. No, I'm not Catholic, but Amber is and since she won't just go on ahead and join MY stinkin church, I felt it would be nice of me to be a good example to her in helping her become active in her OWN church. So I'm (celebrating? practicing?) lent. I've already broken my lent twice, but they were both totally legit. I figure I'll just tack two more days onto the end of lent to make up for it. At this rate, who knows how long my lent will end up being. Yay for no more negativity.



4. There's this big never ending pile of clean clothes in my room that is taking OVER the floor. I did a load the other day and forgot about it, you ever do that? Anyway, it got all stinky and moldy in the wash but I was lazy and figured with a bounce sheet it'd come out of the dryer smelling fresh. Wrong. I threw it in with the ever growing pile, mixing it all up...and it was then I realized it still stunk. Dang.



This morning I grabbed some jeans and a top (ironically my ugly one that I always wear) because I was in a hurry. They were both from the stinky load, unknown to me at the time. I ironed them both...which only made the problem stinkier, I'm sure. The whole day I felt nasty and smelly, because I was. I kept getting whiffs of my odor. I couldn't wait to get home to change. When I finally did, I grabbed some sweats and a sweatshirt and threw them on....awww...cozy. But wait...the smell...crud. These two items were in the pile too. Dadgumit.



5. Isaak just ingested a Lego. I'll find it tomorrow.



6. Did you read my sisters' (Amy and Lindsay) blogs yesterday? SO crazy, right? What a coincidence.



7. I'll end on this number because it's big...and grand...and FINAL.

17 comments:

Valinda said...

What's a poonanny? Is that a Texas thing?

Amy Herfurth said...

Oh I forgot to tell you on the phone...we sold our house!!!

Candace said...

Good news is: I cannot smell you through the computer. I don't like moldy clothes smell, but I know exactly what you're talking about, it happens to me all the time.

Also, I just went and looked at Amy and Lindsay's blogs, because you said to. I think it's hilarious how you all three posted Amber's sono pic. And I commented Lindsay... so please assure her I'm not a psycho stalker.. at least not entirely...

The Mama said...

Welcome back. Even though you are a smelly, mold wearing, half and half sinner.. we still love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Willis Family said...

Humm, I'm not sure how to respond to this entire blog?!?! Interesting, very interesting!!!! ALL of it!!!!

But I think I'm going to go and throw up now, since I had to smell your nasty mildew stink today!

And WHO drinks half-n-half like its going out of style?!?! I'm going to have to google that one! I will totally vomit if I see you sneaking away to drink some.

Kathy said...

So many questions...Did you chug from a container and put it back to be used, or did you chug the whole thing and hide the evidence?

Anonymous said...

That's gross. It must run on your side of the family, S'sis has given me nasty smelly towels after my showers many-o-times. She leaves clothes in the washer over night (or longer) and then dries them. yuck.
I saw on VH1 the other night that people with dirty laundry usually have tons of unresolved sin. hmmm. good luck you milk thief.

Kris said...

As funny as the half n half story was, I laughed harder that you're helping your friend by following her religion to help her become active in her church. That's awesome.

dena said...

I saw you all three had the same sperm donor. Crazy that ALL your babies look just alike!

Froggylady said...

I hate having stinky clothes, that is probably the worst thing ever, clean but stinky clothes.

I'm so glad you are helping Amber be a better catholic. Between the two religions ya'll could repopulate the earth.

Lindsay said...

does that mean you smell like poop? or vagina? i hope it's poop. I wonder what walter will say about the half and half... that's so weird... i like half and half too.. it's so good but i feel too much guilt for all the fat it has so i don't allow myself to drink it. i'll eat a giant banana split with three kinds of toppings but heaven forbid i indulge my love for half and half! ugh. whatever.

Laura said...

i'm more troubled with the fact you were drinking half and half then the fact you were stealing it. And there's nothing worse than the smell of sour clothes. HOW did you stand wearing anything for more than 5 seconds.

Riece said...

I love half and half, but like Lindsay, I could never bring myself to drink it, even though I would totally eat the equivalent calories in another form! LOL

Did you hear back from them yet??

Carolina said...

I saw some half in half in my refrigerator today (not my half in half by the way). And I totally thought of you and your secret sinful addiction...LOL!!

I hope you get some closure! Keep us posted (as I know you will)!

Marnie said...

Please, please, please post Walter's response. Can't wait to read it! :)

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