Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Picture Story

Interesting day it was this beautiful Sunday. I have a good story, but as not to bore you, as I probably did on the ER blog post, I've added lots of pictures to help in the telling of my story. I hope it makes you smile. At the end of the day...it did me.
This morning started off grand. Everyone was happy and smiling. Thankfully our church starts at 1pm otherwise I don't know if I'd be capable of getting four kids ready for a church meeting that starts at 9am. I'd probably have to wake up at 6am seeing that getting them ready to leave by 12:30 took us ALL morning. It takes time to get all those bodies clean, hair washed, teeth brushed, fingernails clipped, earwax removed and dressed to impress. BUT, I did it. Well, WE did it. Jake should take most of the credit!

So we leave on time but half way down the road Jake tells me, "MOM! I forgot my scriptures!!" Oh Jake...do you HAVE to have them today? Being the Peter Priesthood he is, he says YES. SO I turn around, drive back up to the house and open the garage door for him to just run in and grab them. I didn't need to give him the keys since we keep that door unlocked since the garage stays shut. (And now that I've announced that to the world, I'll start locking it). So he grabs these...
...runs outta the garage and I close the garage door with my remote as he jumps in the car. FINALLY, we're off to this place...

While there the kids are fantastic! I even got a couple compliments saying that my children are SO well behaved and so reverent. I relish (is that the right word or is like relick or something?) in the glory of being a good mom :) It was fast and testimony meeting and as the members were bearing their testimony, I became overcome with a strong feeling that I needed to bear MINE. Bleck. WHY?! Why does that happen? My chest was pounding. I felt like my heart was gonna pop out onto the floor. My neck and face was gettin all hot and blotchy like it does when I'm stressed or mad or angry or tired or NERVOUS. (Many of you have witnessed this). FINE! I say to myself. FINE...I do it. I don't WANT to do it, but I will. I tell Jake I'm going up to bear my testimony and to man the kids. I left them all there on the pew alone. So I do it and it felt good. I was glad that I had decided to do this...



(that's Choose The Right for all you non LDS)


So after sacrament we all split to go to our individual classes. I take Isaak into the hall because he's being ruthless. He had been up for 4 hours at that point and it was showing. I let him eat a million puffs in the foyer instead of going to class because I knew he's be a monster in there, why try? Towards the end of that class time, he FINALLY falls asleep. Awww...relief! I get excited that I can go to Relief Society (the women's class) for ONCE in a LONG time. I wrap him all up, pack the belongings he had strewn all over the couch and I go to class. Amazingly I get to sit in my class for all but the last 10 minutes. He woke up at that point and got crazy loud again so I walked out during the middle of class. Please note...the door to this class is at the FRONT of the room, so all were watching me as I left with Isaak at that time.

Once church was over completely, I gather the kids and we go to the car to head home. As I start to load Isaak in the car, Jake informs me that I have something on my "back" as he put it. WHAT?! I do?! I contort my body to look on my back only to find a soggy baby puff stuck on my BUTT, not my back. Oh my gosh...how embarrassing!!! How long have I had this stuck on my butt? Jake said he didn't see it on me during sacrament so it must have found it's way there while I was in the hall with Isa...OH NO!!! OH NOOOOoooOOO. CRAP! Remember when I left RS in the middle of class...the class with the door at the front?? Holy mother of embarrassment. They all saw it, you know they did. They all were thinking to themselves, "that poor girl has no idea she's got a soggy puff stuck to her butt." I sigh...I hate that. There I was trying to look all hot in my new black dress I got from Banana Republic yesterday and I have a stinkin PUFF BUTT. From the words of Nacho Libre, "I felt like a FOOL!" Whatever...

Instead of removing the puff from my butt at that point I decided, for the sake of good blogging, that I should leave it there. You guys should thank me for that...because it gets better.

(yes my arms are as white as the walls...so I need a tan, gimme a break)
On the way home I'm starving. Although I remember NOT putting the chicken in the crock pot before we left and having nothing to eat when we get home...I resist the urge to stop here and break the sabbath. Once again...CTR-ing it all the way.
So we arrive home and I pull into the garage. I can't wait to eat something...anything. I just wanna shove a million cookies in my mouth or something, I'm dying of starvation. I start to unload everyone and Jake and Kora pop out quickly and run to the garage door to the house. Kora turns the handle and yells, "it's locked!!" I pause...what? She tells me, it's locked...can I have the key? The key? Uhmm...I don't lock that door, it shouldn't BE locked. Jake pipes up, "No mom, I locked it for you when I went back in to grab my scriptures." You locked it? For me? Oh my gosh. Now this wouldn't be a problem at ALL if I had one of these...
...BUT, I did not. Long story short, I had taken the key off my key chain to put under the mat for a friend and never returned it back to my key chain. Instead... I just hung it on the key hanger INSIDE THE HOUSE. CRAP! Oh gosh. I hate this. I hate this feeling. I quickly scan my brain for options. The neighbor is always "teasing" me with the fact that she has my house key (which I hate) but at that moment I was excited that this may be a quick fix. I step outside to head over to her door. DANG. She's not home. Where is she? She's always home. Why does she have to be gone tonight?! My stomach is growling. The kids say that we should go door to door asking for our key. If only it was that easy. I don't wanna call our realtor because not only is it Sunday, it would be a huge charge for making them come out. They hate me already. Whats next? I call Amber to tell her my drama and she offers her husband up to open it. I refuse because I don't like bothering people. I call Austin and he tells me to call a Locksmith. I found one thanks to the use of google on this little beauty...(ten years really paid off huh?)

I shouldn't get too much credit for CTR-ing it because once I realized we were locked out and could be for some time, we snagged the temptatious McD's...oh well. It was an emergency, right?

Thirty minutes after we get home, he arrives ready to pick the lock. I expect this to take no more than 2 minutes seeing that he IS a professional lock picker, right? No. He twiddles around with the lock for FORTY minutes trying to pick it. He keeps telling me that it's tight, or it's stiff, or there's something in the lock. He tries the front door and coincidentally...all the same excuses. He begins to tell me he thinks the lock is "double-wired". Huh? Is that even for real? I told him I'd never heard of that term and he assures me it's a Locksmith term. Hmm...okay then. Seriously, you'd have thought he was trying to break into something like this...



But no. It was just about as simple as you can get. A door knob lock, not even a dead bolt. Come on man...this is your JOB. This is the thing you're supposed to be an expert at. I start to wonder if I'll need to call backup. Isaak was screaming at this point because he was dead tired. the kids were freezing...OH and let us not forget I still had a puff on my butt.
FINALLY...he gets it open. I go into the house to grab my money to pay him leaving my puff butt visible. I explain to him that I have a puff stuck to my butt and I apologize. He acts like he didn't hear me but I know he did.
Almost an hour later he leaves with his nail grooming size tool bag, a sneak peak at a puff butt and 58 of these from me...

Once we get inside I kick off my heels...awwww, I've been waiting for that. I grab the camera and have Kora take a shot of the puff butt that has now been seen by the entire church AND the so called "locksmith". We snap the shot and FINALLY, I remove the little puff. Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? I'm having a spare key made for Amber so this won't happen again and then maybe...I'll have a puff.

17 comments:

austin said...

That's HOT!

dena said...

this is great! so, now we can call you j lowe AND Puff Mama

Misty said...

I LOVE this post!!!!

The Willis Family said...

I can't believe all your images are just about ALL FROM THE COMPUTER!!!! Sorta like how all mine were at one time long, long ago (before my D60 came into my life).

Okay, so I won't make this long since I was on the phone with you during most of your events today.

You seriously need to go over to your neighbor and tell her that she is no long a reliable neighbor to have your spare house key, and you need it back! Its just that simple:)

See you tomorrow, bright and early!

David and Teresa said...

well now Satan finally got you to go to McDonalds..huh? teehee just kidding. Don't you hate when you have paraphanelia stuck to your nose, eyes, lips or even Butt (in this case) and NO ONE!!! tells you about it? Remember Mark Hancock at work, Baby? He used to have stuff on his face and his shirt hanging out all the time and I constantly told him. I also told him that friends don't let friends drive drunk...oh not that one...I mean friends don't let friends have junk on them without telling them. One day I had a "something" on my nostril area at work and I all of a sudden felt it and I was in there with Mark in the funeral home office and he had not said ONE THING TO ME about it!!! I was so embarrassed and I told him "Listen Marcus I tell you that you have junk on your face all the time and I tell you that your shirt was hanging out all the time and I expect you to tell me when I have ANYTHING!! on my face whenever I have itthere." He just looked at me and said, "ok." I know it is embarrassing to tell someone they have junk on them BUT you gotta do it...it is the humane thing to do. Sorry so long and sorry Satan won you over on the Sabbath. Teehee....love you Mutha
PS Jakob thanks for locking the door...That is important...watch and make sure that your mom does those kinda things. Good grief.
mutha

Adam & Brandi said...

Congratulations! On what? Cracking me up, this was a good post! Not that I would expect anything less coming from YOU! It's nice to know though that your little one is responsible. Because that's what we do when we leave right? How was he suppose to know that it would cost mom to break the Sabbath and almost 60 buck-a-roos! hehe. I love it! Hope your day only gets better from here. ;)

David and Teresa said...

Oh and I liked all the pictures to accompany this story. It made it interesting.
Mutha
PS Jakob tell me if you guys go to McDonalds next Sunday, ok?

Valinda said...

Wow What a day! My little monsters were so horrible we left 10 minutes before sacrament mtg ended and I made them stay on their beds being quiet until church would have been over. BTW there are 8 copies of my house key stashed with various ppl just because I've locked myself out so many times. :)

dana said...

so i never leave comments...but LOVE your blog. can't get enough. i couldnt let this hysterical post go by without saying something. you are HILARIOUS. love it.

candace said...

Yeah, I agree with EVERYONE else, this was an AWESOME post... started my day off with a great laugh! I love the puff on your butt... they get so sticky, slimy with the smallest amount of saliva... gotta watch those things...

Heidi said...

I can't believe I read that whole post - I usually just pass over posts that are too long...I read every bit - it must be your story telling capabilities or something because I was hooked...thanks for the entertainment...puff butt!!
oh - great job on getting all the kids to church on your own...that really is an accomplishment!!

Amanda said...

see that is a GREAT story:) And the pictures topped it off! I LOVE your new dress u look AWESOME!!!!! I so need some new church clothes.

SM said...

Love the butt puff!

nat said...

i love the story with all the pics...that makes it really fun

Laura said...

Puff butt...love it. You sure you didn't stick it there to accentuate you new and improved post isaak hiney? No one would think badly of you...just admit it, k? And I do the same thing with the garage door...cept we put a spare key hanging on a nail way up high just in case and so the crazies can't reach it. Did the McD's taste better or worse cuz it was all forbidden and all?

Marnie said...

Laughing out loud at this post. A story I'm sure that will live on forever at the Lowes!

Sara said...

I have to say I love reading your blogs especially with the added animations..I found you on Candace's page, she told me I should def say hi..HI!