Monday, October 6, 2008


So I woke up this morning...
and I was 30.
Backtrack to yesterday (because Austin will be gone all this week) and we had a little celebration thrown by my sweet little (not SO little) family. Austin surprised me with a cookie cake that he and Jake ordered one day while they were off doing secret combinations. Jake picked the butterflies just for me. I also got new under armor running socks, a gift card to Dicks for more workout clothes and an itunes gift card to use for my ipod (can you tell Austin wants me to continue to workout?)

After a beautiful birthday serenade, my grubs drooled over my cookie until they were able to devour their own little section (personally picked out by each individual child).

Austin did the dividing up. I chose the left wing of the yellow butterfly.

Kora chose the entire pink one.

Izey just watched and wondered when he could have some cookie cake.

I got a huge huge huge card from the kiddos and my lover.
The day was perfect and I even got a nap!

Now on to the REAL birthDAY.

WARNING! The following pictures contain some graphic bloody sights.
So Bonnie decided that she was gonna throw me a surprise birthday party tonight. Only problem is, she doesn't have anywhere NEAR the surprise party planning skilz that I do. I ruined the party by inviting the only other friend we share, Amber. Unfortunately, she couldn't make something up about her plans tonight and ended up saying that she was alREADY invited and I just ruined it all. Great. I'm such a dork. I ruin, spill, fall, break, splash, and wreck everything I come in contact with. I really do. Big surprise I ruined the only surprise party I'll probably ever be given. Oh well.

So we all meet at Bonnie's for dinner. She made some super delicious yummy enchiladas (that I meant to take leftovers home but forgot) and even baked a birthday cake for me! All the million kids we have between the three of us played ever so nicely. It was a fabulous evening until once again, I ruined everything.

I had to pee, so I go to the bathroom. Use it. Flush it. Wash hands. Easy, right? Well as I open the door to get out, being the retard that I am, I don't step back far enough to open the door to let me out. Instead I step back about one foot, open the door and JAM the freakin door on my freakin big toe. It hurt like a freakin MOTHER, but I've done this before and just assumed the pain was much worse than the actual injury. Hmm...wrong. I look down at my toe and my toe nail is completely sliced down the middle with either side of the nail open like freakin french doors exposing the raw skin under my nail entirely. Holy crap! I wanted to cry so bad but I had to be tough in front of the girls (I'm a freakin Marine Officer wife for cryin out loud)! My eyes were watering as I held my toe over the trash yelling for Bonnie and Amber to get their buns over to me and look at this mess of blood and toe and nail and more blood. It was so hideous and I can't even describe the pain. It went numb it hurt so bad.

Amber was on the verge of vomiting but she couldn't help but keep coming back to look at it again, it was like a horrible train wreck, she just couldn't take her eyes off of it.

Bonnie, (the future Navy Nurse) went directly into medical mode and grabbed her handy first aid kit and began "surgery" on me. Here's the covered toe...

...and the UNcovered toe. This picture is no where NEAR the true mess it was when it happened. I wish I had a picture of the open french doors my nail was. Amber told me later that she wanted to take a picture but there was just so much drama that she didn't wanna seem rude in the midst of all my excruciating pain. This picture is after Bonnie "closed" the doors, or the nails, together to look normal (or close enough).

When the bleeding stopped Bonnie began her work. She took it seriously, not even a crack of laughter, it was all business. Cuz she's a business woman.

Amber contributed to the drama by being the photojournalist so that every step of the process back to my health was documented. Thanks Amber.

Isaak (or Noah?) was nervous at first.

But after I was all wrapped up, medicated and iced, he knew I'd be okay. Thanks Bonnie!

Thankfully, my little disaster didn't stop the festivities. I sat on the floor with my bulbous foot while Amber and Bonnie created a old lady cake for me. They even SANG!

Me and my fat face blew out the candles. I protected Izey's head from flying wax.

The three Kindergarten princesses even joined in on the song.

I got the piece with the "30" in case I forgot.

Kora took our picture.

Me, Bonnie and Amber (where are you Katrina?)

We fed the babies ice cream and cake (but only when Bonnie wasn't looking).

Amber got me some gifts too! A peacock birthday card, a Jonas Brothers CD and...

(Bonnie ur house looks like a tornado hit it and it's on the internet for everyone to see)

a Camp Rock cozy blankie!!!

What super friends I have, right? WoW am I lucky.

Okay warning, I'm gonna get super sappy but that's only because Bonnie gave me her Percocet and I took 2 of them (even though she said to only take 1) and I'm definitely feeling the love of the pain pills right now with the tingly fingers and dry mouth, awww...good feelings.

I have been SO blessed to make such GREAT friends since moving here. I can't believe how close I feel to these girls that I've known for such a short period of time. I don't know if it's the military bond or what, but I love knowing that I have this little extended family of mine that will do SO much for me whenever I need them or even just for fun to make me happy. Thank you girlies so much for being so fun to hang out with. You are way more than I could ask for, what a great birthday this was because of you :)


Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! We got to see lots of great pictures of you in this post (after's in honor of YOU) and you look SO good. You and your tan self and your hair looking all sunkissed. You are definitely hitting the 3-0 as a SEXY MAMA!!

And, the toe......OOOOOUUUUCCCHHH!. So glad Bonnie wrapped your ENTIRE foot. I'm sure all the other toes, foot, ankle, and calf enjoyed the pampering. :)

Valinda said...

Wow!!! I thought my big day was exciting, you certainly have a a flair for making drama all over ;)I'm glad you survived it all and hope you make it to 31 in 1 piece!

Aymee said...

Happy, happy day!

Vagabond Mother said...

Your poor toe!!!

Happy Birthday! You really look gorgeous even with your bulbous foot!

Lindsay said...

oh my CRAP... i'm the worst sister EVER... i've been moping around being sad for whatever reason and COMPLETELY forgot to call you on your birthday! ... hopefully amy forgot too... she's good at that. And i agree... you really do look fantastic with your fake tan.

Lindsay said...

okay after reading this... i have to say... EW.. what the crap is wrong with you? How come you're so good at hurting yourself? Is it subconscious? do you have self image issues? oh... also.. in that picture with you holding your foot and sitting next to bonnie.. you guys look like sisters... it's really funny. She brings out features in your face i never noticed. interesting...

Bonnie said...

Ah that was super sweet! So I'm thinking I probably should have thought ahead and changed out of the workout clothes. I know you well enough that I should have prepared for a blog appearance. Oh well, now everyone just knows how I normally look.
Anyway, I had a really good time and I think that the bulbous toe only improved the story that you will tell for years to come... Like a 3-0 omen.
I cannot believe that you took 2 Percocet, retard! Gah, If anything happens to you it would really suck. For two reasons really, you happen to be my only friend since you convinced me to drop all the others and two, well I don't wanna go to jail for giving you my freakin' narcotics. Ugh, now that I think about it I'm gonna give you a call.

Camilla said...

Happy, happy birthday! I know I'm not the first to say it (and you probably don't believe us anyway) but you look awesome! Didn't you just have a baby a few months ago? Can't tell. Hooray for great friends. So how's the toe today? Turning colors?

raschel said...

ick. toe pains hurt so bad - they radiate throughout your entire i feel sorry for you. your friends are so sweet. at least you have a good story to remember your actual 30th bday. oh. i thought it was really cute too that ya'll really did pick out exactly which part of the cookie cake you wanted to eat and made it so unorganized. i wish you'd taken a picture of the cut up cookie so i could see what it was butchered to.

Goodnight moon said...

Ahh, that was so sweet of you!!! And I finally made a picture appreance. My stomach still hurts just thinking about your toe!!! (Your toe guts were hanging out.) Hopefully this won't mess up your gymtime?!? Glad you had a good day! "Thats what friends are for." We missed you Katrina!!! I'm glad that you made it home were ALL over the road as I was driving behind you, your a crazy driver!!! Hopefully "Shane" made you feel better last night, well him and your 2 percocet!!! And you didn't take picture of the best birthday card ever!!! What the crap...I picked that out special...I do believe that the card deserves it on blog!!!

Laura said...

I would've said Happy Birthday yesterday, but my internet was down b/e the two years old did some "work" on all the cords and I couldn't put Humpty back together again. Email me your mailing address. Disgusting toe--It's Stupid such a little body part can cause so much pain. Are those Huggies wipes that Bonnie was cleaning you with? Gotta love Mom First Aid. She's a true friend for getting that close to it. How do you go tan with the two little ones? Night tanning?

Deanna said...

Happy Birthday!!!! And congrats on the cool friends. :)

My whole body was doing the "fingernails on the chalkboard" shiver when reading about and looking at your toe. OUCH!!!! I hope that feels better soon.

Tara said...

You really do look gorgeous Jess, what a great way to go into your 30's! And since we all know how obsessed you are with working out, you will just get hotter and hotter as you move through the numbers!!! :) Sorry about your toe, that is horrid, seriously!!! And isn't the military wives circle awesome!?! I miss it, I really do miss that part of being in the service. And it's just the beginning of the kind of "girlfriend-sisterhood-support" you will build through the years. It really is an incredible part of that life. It really seems to suit you too. :)

David and Teresa said...

Baby I was just wondering that very close you seem to these sweet ladies already and you have been there for such a short time. I am glad though. GIrlfriends are the greatest. As for the toe, is it going to live....or not? It looked terrible. I hope the pain is better soon. All of your friends there are very beautiful and you all sound like you have a good time together. Im glad.

Good pictures of my sweet gr.babies too. Love you

Amanda said...


Girl you only ate that tiny piece of that YUMMY cookie cake???!!! I love those cookie cakes from the are devoted!

Aymee said...

You have such wonderful friends! I am so sorry for the toe incident, that looks painful and if it were me...I would definitely be crying and being such a boob. You are a trooper I'll say that. I'm so glad you had such a fun day!

Froggylady said...

I am so bummed that I missed the toe guts! Oh and your birthday celebration. Wow, you are old. I am so bummed that I am leaving soon...and that you are going to Lejeune. While I'm in NC I'll be on the opposite end of the state so if you ever wanna hit the mountains or go skiing, let me know!

Anonymous said...

oh man that sucks so bad about your toe....this will def be a bday you will never forget

Unknown said...


Jerad turned thirty exactly one day after you turned thirty! Weird! And October has more birthdays in it than any other month (among people I know).