Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I'm a liar

Today I tried to go to the gym to workout with my gimp toe but I didn't have much success. I was able to do pullups and stretch but that was about it. We have a friend in the co-op named Deanne who is a nurse so we showed her my toe because Bonnie thought I may need stitches. Deanne said no for the stitches, but she DID tell us that I needed to rip that toe nail off. Bleh. Just the sound of it made my teeth hurt and sent chills down my spine. Deanne even offered for me to come to the emergency room she would be working at tonight and she would "take care of me". I felt a little nervous about that so instead, I hired someone ELSE to do the dirty work, The Bonnster, oh yeah.
SO we go to her house, numb my toe with some pain relieving cream and get ready for the surgery. She clasped onto one side of the nail with her teasers and (after 3 tries) she finally rips the sucker off. Holy crap...pain pain freakin PAIN. But once again, I was tougher than nails. The bloody section is the part that was still connected to to my nail. The other side needs to be removed as well but it's gonna hurt more than the first so I'll put that off until Bonnie can make sure she gets it done the FIRST try.
After the surgery we wrapped it up and it was ready to go. Now, here's the lying part of this post...
So yesterday when my whole toe incident happened Bonnie told us about her husband Dave who thought he stubbed his toe only to go to the emergency room and find out that he broke the sucker horizontally and vertically. He ended up having surgery on his toe, pins in it and drama, drama. It was a good story so I stored it in my memory.
Today I walked down to the bus stop to meet the kids as they got off. I wore flip flops with my big egg toe stickin out for all to see, it was embarrassing to say the least. I never talk to the parents out there but because my toe was about as big as an ostrich egg, some lady asked me what had happened. For a second, I was gonna tell her the truth but then I thought, "hey, why not have some fun and just LIE?" So I said to her...
"Well, last night I as I came down the stairs I fell and my toe got smashed. I thought it was just stubbed but then after not being able to move it, I went to the hospital. I found out that I ended up breaking it in two spots, vertically and horizontally so they had to perform emergency surgery on it to set it back in place. I got two pins in it to hold the bone but it hurts SOO bad, I can't even believe this happened because my husband is gone and I have the four kids that I have to take care of still. It's so hard!"
The lady was stunned, she just stared at me with her mouth wide open and said, "How are you walking and where were your kids during all of this?"
I said, "Well I don't really have a choice about walking. I'm on lots of pain meds but with my husband gone because he's a Marine, I have to just deal with it. I took the kids to the hospital with me and was able to get a hold of another mom I know who came and picked them up." I wanted to laugh so badly but I was totally serious and straight faced and she just kept apologizing and asking me if I needed anything like help with the kids or anything. I refused (because I'm just that tough) and that was it! It was so funny, I walked away limping, carrying my baby with my other three grubs hangin all over me and I know she was thinkin I was crazy.
Why did I do that, you may ask? Who knows, I don't know why I do or say HALF the things I do, I just do it. I even walked back to the house thinkin, "why the crap did I do that?" For some reason it just felt fun. I had adrenaline rushing through my veins and I liked it. I was in the moment and it kinda just fell outta my mouth. Thank goodness I don't talk to these ppl regularly. I haven't quite figured out how I'm gonna cover my bases once my toe doesn't need to be wrapped anymore. Just another reason for me to hurry and move to NC, right? haha

15 comments:

Lindsay said...

what's WRONG with you!?!?! who lies? honestly jessica... that's embarrassing... but i have a funny story to tell you about enos lying so i'll call you.

Deanna said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I've had ingrown toenails removed about 8 or 9 nine times (dang ballet) and I think you are crazy. You don't need numbing cream, you need a freakin' shot to numb your toe. Shots in the big toe hurt like you wouldn't believe (most painful needle stick I've ever experienced) but that sounds better than just numbing CREAM while tearing your nail off. Whew! Deep breath, Deanna, your toe is just fine.

Girl, go to the doctor and have them give you a numbing shot before removing any more. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!! I'm suddenly feeling those awful shots again.

Bonnie said...

That is so freakin' funny! I'm surprised that she didn't immediately find out what hospital it was so that she can be sure to avoid it. For a couple reasons, one- what freakin' hospital considers a broken toe grounds for EMERGENCY surgery and two: how freakin' ghetto it has to be that it used gauze and a BAND-AIDE to wrap it!!! You are such a freak! But I love that you did that!

Amber said...

1. So, you lied twice today....you do pull-ups?!? Thats pretty funny!!!
2. Your toe nail didn't fall off, you had to pull it off...or tug, or clip or whatever...but it fell off!
3. Where you seriously considering letting Deanne help you?!? LOL!
4. Did you see any dark chewies today in the locker room?
5. I want to vomitt looking at your pic of your toe!
6. Do you have any birthday cake left?
7. I didn't know that you could lie?
8. Hopefully the kid of the mother from the bus stop doesn't talk to your kids about "what really happened" to your toe!
9. Your moving? I had no idea!
10. Are you not going to the gym tomorrow? Seriously?!? You have to, its my only day that I can go this week.
11. Good thing you ONLY take baths...you can stick your toe out of the water.
12. Did you return your CD for Camp Rock today?
13. I totally LMAO with you!!!

Valinda said...

Ewww! You should have put a warning on THIS post!!! How do you get your big egg toe into your flip flop?? Lying is definitely more funny than the truth.

Amber said...

O, and...
14. Umm, what about the special blog about the bday card?!?

Andi Mae said...

Oh my gosh! You've got quite the imagination...and the GUTS!

So, uh, that whole princess party thing? Fact or fiction?? ;)

Aymee said...

This is hilarious! I wish I had the opportunity to lie like that. I don't know how you kept a straight face through it all, I know I would have broke down and said, "just kidding." Awesome, that's all I've got to say.

Laura said...

did you forget the part where they life-flighted you to the hospital from Grey's Anatomy? and that they thought you might need a toe transplant from a recently dead person? And that yes, Derek Shepherd is a really great kisser...
YOU ARE A CRAZY LOONEY TOON.

Jess said...

Holy Cow! These pics are feaking me out. I feel like Deanna. Fingers on the chalkboard. I'm still quivering from the shock of it all.

I wish I could have seen you fake the limp as you walked off. You do love DRAMA!

Froggylady said...

My teeth are totally crawling! I used to cry when my parents clipped my toe nails much less rip one off! I love that your ghetto emergency room (Bonnie's words) used gauze and a bandaid.

ps Madelyn loves it when I ask her things 50 times while getting an increasingly annoying tone. It's our thing.

Amanda said...

Remember--You said you LOVE pain!

Janae said...

I wonder how many other things you lie to US about. Like is that even your foot?

Hmmm....

SM said...

This is too funny! But that picture is too nasty!

I lie for no reason to strangers sometimes, too. I think it has something to do with the fact that they don't know you so whatever you say is gospel. It's like power or something.

David & Teresa George said...

That is the sweetest Isaak just waiting for a mom hug. Kora, I loved your Bold song about coins renimber me...I am mawmaw. Oh and baby that toe is hideous..I scroll past it everytime. I cannot take the way it looks.

Love you anyway
Mutha