Thursday, March 20, 2008

I've been hiding out...and dying.

I know I'm the worst blogger around and I've probably lost all my loyal fans. Please forgive me. I got REALLY sick late Sunday night and by Monday it hit me like train. This is the worst sick I've been in a LONG time. I've been running a 102 degree fever since Monday, constantly sweating it out every 6 hours after taking Tylenol. At one point, Austin woke me up to leave for work early in the morning and I was drenched in sweat. He had me get up and change clothes. The comforter was soaked, my pillow was soaked and the sheets were soaked. My clothes were completely wet. It was the weirdest feeling ever.

I tried to go see a doctor on Tuesday but the first one I called said the doctor was out of town until next week. Nice. I said, "Do you have another option for me? This IS my doctor." Their sarcastic reply was to go to the ER. "OHHH okay, yeah, I'll just pack up all three of my wild kids, load em in the car and take a trip to the good ole ER. I'll have them hook me up to an IV to "re-hydrate me" (as they always say) for the next few hours while my kids run rampid around the hospital....that's a great idea!" Uhmmm, NO. So I called another doctor, the one that's on my new Tricare Insurance that I've never seen before. She's listed as my "Primary Care Manager" so it's the one I gotta see. When I call they say, "SURE! We have an opening onnnnnn THURSDAY!" What the crap? That's two days away. Meanwhile I just whither away to nothing? Guess what their response was..."You can always go to the ER!" UGGGHHH!!!!

What the CRAP is up with doctors that don't have sick visits available each and EVERY day?? How is that possible? It doesn't even make sense to me.

So instead of taking the Thursday visit I decided to just sit at home and work through it. I secretly hoped I would have some severe infection or disease so I could sue those doctors for not seeing me, a poor pregnant woman in pain and agony.....hehehehe.

Today I'm feeling slightly better. Still weak, but I'm loading up on protein shakes to replenish what I lost the past 4 days. I still have a horrible barking cough that hurts like crap, but oh well. The bad news is, my poor Austin just got it yesterday. I feel so bad for him because it really sucks.

Not only have I been sick and dying, I've been depressed about a lot of things going on right now. I haven't really wanted to share and I still don't. I'm upset about answers to prayers, even though I KNOW they are the right answers. It's hard to be happy when you don't like the answers you've begged and pleaded for. There's gonna be a lot of new and exciting things happening in our family this year and it hurts me to know they won't be happening the way I had originally hoped. When I feel better about talking about it, I'll let you all know. One of the reasons I don't feel like sharing is because somewhere, DEEP inside, I hope things will change. I'm pretty sure they won't but not talking about it gives me some sort of false hope. Another reason is because of my pride, which I'm working through and really need to get over. Just give me time.

Kora and Jake left this morning for Sea World with Pops, Kim and Evan. They'll be gone until late Saturday. Miah was so sad when they left. He stood at the window watching them load the car and he wouldn't talk to anyone. My dad was trying to make him laugh and he yelled in a sad and shaky voice, "IT'S NOT FUNNY PAWPAW!!" Poor guy. He's just to young. I told him that we could have our own party today and tomorrow we would go to the zoo with our friends.

I had so many fun things planned this week for the kids' spring break and then this stupid sickness came creeping in. We were gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese (which we did on Monday but had to leave early once my sickness attacked), then roller skating on Tuesday (cancelled) then the Science Museum on Wednesday (cancelled). Now they're gone and I just feel bad. Yesterday I took them to see Horton Hears a Who because I couldn't keep them in the house for that many days doing NOTHING. I knew if I went to a movie I could sit the whole time and even close my eyes for a bit. It was a cute movie, the humor was very refreshing. Most of the new cartoon movies are annoying because the humor is so predictable...all the same lines. Not this time, it was nice. I suggest it to everyone, even if you don't have kids. Oh and thanks Sheriece for the recommendation.

I feel like I have a ton to say, but I can't think of it right now. My brain is still moosh. I'll be back later with pictures and stuff. Oh and I'll try to get back on track with my blogging.


Lindsay said...

This post reminds me of when i lost my job... everything i said sounded half hearted. I'm glad you went to go see Horton though.. i LOOVED this movie... My favorite two characters were Katie (the floating...hamster?) and the only son of the mayor (i forgot his name). I could see myself dating him if i was a Who.

Andrew said...

Pregnant flu is the worst. Plus, I peed/puked countless times with Henry. It was a trademark.

I'm glad you're still alive.

Unknown said...

Awe. Sad. I am so sorry you're not well. And I am sorry there are things going on that are getting you down. Keep us updated, and I'm here to listen when you need it.

Julie said...

I'm sorry you have been so sick, that really stinks. I agree with the whole doctor thing. People get sick - hello - have sick people appointments for that day, we don't want to wait 2 more days. I am glad that you are feeling a little better. Sorry things are getting you down, if you need to talk you know where I am.

Valinda said...

Big HUGS!! You sound so sad, I hope whatever it is works its self out soon. I'll keep you in my prayers and maybe the answers will change.

Tara said...

All I can say is, I know how you feel, I honestly do. (I do not say that to many people) I may not have experienced the EXACT things you are dealing with, but I have dealt with such similar ones with similar feelings, it's freaky, seriously. Call me if you feel like talking, just from the little I know, I can share your pain, or at least appreciate it on a deep level. You are not alone, you are a military spouse now, we are a specific breed. Just know that whatever you deal with, there IS someone else out there who understands. I wish I could gather all the brilliant women I have met through our TD's and put them in your living room so you could access their knowledge, experiences, resources, and strength. Call me anytime if you want to talk, even if it's in the middle of the night. (sorry, I should have just sent an email, but I'm already here. :)

Amanda said...

I am sad to hear you have been so sick and depressed:(

Vagabond Mother said...

I like how I was signed in as Andrew. That comment sounds so awkward coming from "him."

Hope you are feeling better- when is the baby due?

Vagabond Mother said...

Lindsay said, "I'm glad I don't have any dumb sisters."

How does THAT make you feel?!?!

Tara said...

I hope you are feeling better!