Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Changetime - I didn't rename the picture, that was it's name when it popped up!!

Okay so, I'm having an overwhelming day today. A few nights ago, Kora woke up in the middle of the night having a pseudo asthma attack. It was really scary because I could see all the muscles in her neck and chest sticking out as she would struggle for air making a terrible sound as she tried. It was no fun at all because I didn't have her nebulizer OR any meds to give her. We calmed her down after a bit, but she went to bed sounding terrible. I took her to the doctor on Monday to find out what the deal was. She was diagnosed with asthma about a year and a half ago, but since then, we have switched doctors and found out that the majority of her breathing problems were caused by her adenoids and tonsils being so large. Once we had them removed, I never heard any more of that bad breathing she used to do until just a few nights ago when this happened. WELL, it seems we have finally gotten to the root of her problems because she had an allergy test done and the results are crazy. She's allergic to both inside and outside mold, Bermuda grass, June grass, Johnson grass, mountain cedar, dog dander, cat dander and here's the big kicker...WHEAT AND MILK.
So this is where I start going crazy. I'm hearing this thinking, oh man...that's too bad she can't have milk or bread, UHmm...how naive was my thinking? VERY. I went online today to read about these food allergies and I'm embarrassed as to how ignorant I was (and still am) on how many things have wheat and milk in them. ALMOST EVERYTHING!
The funny thing about all of this is I KNEW IT! I know most mothers will say that, but really, I DID know it. I KNEW she had a food allergy because all the symptoms she has had throughout her little life have reflected this (bloating, asthma, rashes, stomach pains, vomiting, trouble sleeping, diarrhea - this is Kora's life, sad I know). I'm mad that I'm just now finding all of this out.
So the doctor has given her a few meds to keep the outside allergies under control, but the food thing is up to me. I have to start being 100% involved in what I buy and what I make and what she eats. I'm so bad at this. For those of you who know me I like things that are quick and easy, ready to bake cookies, frozen lasagna, you name it - if it's already made, I like it! Plus, she's SO picky and all of these things I make will have substitutes in them and who knows what she'll think of them.
I know my post is nothing but a rambling mess, but I have so much to say and it's all scattered in my brain in one huge unorganized ball of ideas...so I'm sorry about this.
Now I'd like to discuss this picture I have posted here. A few days ago, I was online doing some business, sending contracts and responding to inquiries and junk like that. WELL, I had a few windows open, the internet, my JPP paperwork, my JPP Pictures, etc. Anyway, when I was done, I started closing all my windows and at the very bottom underneath all of the windows I had open was this picture. I have absolutely NO idea where it came from. I wasn't searching for anything online, only dealing with emails. It must have popped up from who knows where. Normally my pop ups are for prescription drugs or a free sony tv if you fill out this online survey (that doesn't work by the way...I tried it) but not this time. THIS time, my pop up was of what appears to be a peanut butter sandwich with the crust eaten away. So that's when I started thinking...
This is where I get crazy, but I'd like to think of this picture as a message to me from a greater source. I don't normally like the crust of the bread, I eat it, but definitely NOT first and I always try to include a little soft white middle with each bite of crust so I don't have a mouth full of crumbly crust. If you will, notice the NAME of the picture when you move your mouse on to it. "Changetime"
I feel like this picture is saying to me that it's time for change. With all the change going on in me and Austin's life right now (money, school, the bar, our home, etc.) and now these allergies are coming in to play I feel like I'm spinning in circles. Maybe this picture is telling me that instead of eating soft white middle with each bite of crust and enjoying the sandwich with every bite, that I'm going to have to eat JUST CRUST for awhile and grin and bear it. Maybe it's telling me that it's time for some big changes and if I can suffer through these changes and be tough while I eat ALL THE CRUST, then after I get through it all what I'll have left is this soft white middle to enjoy all by itself with no more crust ever again.
Does all of this jibber jabber make sense to anyone? I just feel like Austin and I have been through so much throughout our 8 1/2 year marriage and sometime it feels like there will never be a day when we don't have to worry about money or having a home of our own. With all of these changes going on right now it seems like we are coming to a climax that we have been waiting for all these years and once we get through this climax, it will finally be smooth sailing from there on out and I look forward to that day :) I think we deserve it.
So here's to "changetime" - a crustless sandwich!

6 comments:

Lindsay said...

i like your thoughts on the crustless sandwich theory... i think you are right on track... As for Kora's allergy... poor poor Kora. i feel so bad for her.. :( I'll say prayers for her

Amanda said...

I LOVED this post Jessica! You helped me out today too. That crust theory sounds like me right now! Thanks for sharing it! I am so sorry you have to go through all this, and I am sad for Kora:( My SIL's youngest was allergic to Wheat and Milk while she nursed him so she could hardly eat anything herself so he wouldn't get it in the milk. I can give you her e-mail if you like. her blog is linked to mine (kristie's blog)

Molly said...

I loved your post Jessica. I was having a crappy day and the crust theory totally makes sense. Sorry about all of Kora's allergy. That will totally fall on you, as you are her mommy. Ty is allergic to peanut butter. I had a blog post about it. We totally had a scary episode. Now I have to carry around an epi pen!

Julie said...

Wow! That was some deep stuff to get from a sandwich, but I think you are right. We sometimes get bogged down in the now and feel like things are never going to be the same, but there is always change around the corner, it's just turning that corner that's difficult. You and Austin and the kids will turn that corner soon and things will begin to slow down and smooth out, I know they will. I have to tell you too that what you said had a lot of meaning for me too. It turned some of my thoughts around too and I just want to say thanks for being so insightful just because of a sandwich. I don't think I could have gotten that much! =)

I am also sad to hear about all of Kora's problems. I have a ton of the outside and inside allergies and all that grass and pet dander and of course my onion allergy, which isn't as big a problem as milk and wheat, but I do understand to an extent how careful you have to be. A lady at my church her son is allergic to milk and I know how hard it is for her, even some of the things that say they are lactose free still might have something that is lactose, weird I know. I know it is going to be hard, but I know you can do it. You are a GREAT mom and you will figure out a way to help Kora. Sorry this post is so long. I guess it would have made more sense to email you or call you huh? Oh well.

Bill and Tara said...

It must be the season, I completely relate to the sandwich theory, you are brilliant, just brilliant! I know you are probably hearing this a ton, but I too am sad for Kora, sorry that is happening. I know it's hard to go against mainstream with ones eating, but I have two friends who are milk and wheat intolerant, and it's amazing what it out there for people when you start to look at specialty foods. My girlfriend made an awesome wheat-free banana bread for me right before I moved, I couldn't tell the difference! She uses alot of rice flour, I know that. I'll have to pick her brain for some more ideas. Everything is going to work out and feel "normal" soon. good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

My name is MawMaw and I would like to say that my daughter, Jessica is very insightful and I love her and hopefully very soon things will change for their family. It is sure their time.

Love you Jess

Mother