Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Letter to my Doula...

Dear Candace,

As the big day quickly (not really, it's like slower than Christmas) approaches, I've been feeling the need to write you a love letter. Not because I'm in love with you, but because I DO care for you and all that you've done for my family (picture wise...I can never repay you) and I hope to keep you a friend after all is said and done on Saturday morning.

I'm assuming with me doing the whole natural birthing experience (except for the fact that I'll be pumped with pitocin which will make my contractions about 50 times WORSE) that I may be in SLIGHT pain for several hours. In my experience (watching over 500 various birthing shows DAILY) I have come to realize that being in INTENSE pain for several hours can, on occasion, cause one to act rash. SO rash, in fact, that they may say OR do things that are not normally of their nature.

I worry about this. A LOT.

Now, I know My Lover will be there, but I'm not so much concerned with what he sees and hears because he's quite forgiving. He better be.

But you, dear sweet Candace, have only seen one side of me up until this point. I worry that the vapid behaviour I normally carry with me will turn into one of MADNESS AND RAGE. I worry that there may be gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair and spewing of bodily fluids. As you can see, I expect the worst....BUT I hope for the best.

This letter is to warn you of what you may witness on Friday and to ask a simple request of you to NOT JUDGE ME. I really am a normal vapid person regardless of what you may see me turn into during my labor. Please try to remember the OLD Jessica and forget the scariness you may see that day.

Lastly, thank you again for doing this for our family. I can't wait to share it with you!

Loves,
Vapid Jessica

Normal VAPID Jessica

Laboring HIDEOUS Jessica


23 comments:

dena said...

okay, that's nasty. i think your labor will be faster than you think. he's about to slide out now and this IS your fourth run, so i bet you'll just be kinda in between normal j lowe and the completely nasty nasty nasty picture you subjected me to.

you were fastish with isaak. i remember talking to you at the beginning, mid and then i was looking at the amazing slideshow in, like, 5 minutes.

it's gonna be great!! well, as great as massive pain can be...but you like pain, so for you, it might really be great. cause you're crazy like that.

Willis Party of 6 said...

I can't wait to see your VAPID pics that Candace takes.

I hope that your Barbara looks like a FUPA when your all done....AND IT STAYS THAT WAY! Never to go back to its orginial state.

See you on Saturday:) And paint that belly like a pumpkin before then!!!!

Valinda said...

Good luck Candace! Oh yeah and you too Jessica :) and I think you actually meant to say "My Lover will be there in his awesome orange shirt" cause if he doesn't wear it I've decided to hold Baby A's blessing outfit (which is done and I used several parts of your dress for) hostage.

Staci said...

There isn't a lot of times or people that can make me "LOL" but you do! I just picture you in labor looking like the girl from exersist. hahahah love it and I'm so freakin excited for you..i have butterflies just thinking about it!

Queen Mama said...

I am excited.

Good Luck Candace.

Can't wait....

Adam & Brandi said...

Jessica, I am so nervous for you! I don't want you to experience such pain. Let's just hope is goes by extremely fast. I know you'll make it through it, but still. That's going to be some very intense pain. Good luck, you can do it. Can't wait to be indroduced to baby A.

Lydianne said...

You'll do great, Jess! But if you're worried about pit induced contractions, you should see if your doctor can try stripping your membranes, using a foley bulb or maybe even cytotec early on and maybe you won't even need pit...it sounds like your really close as it is, so maybe your contractions would start naturally with a little boost. Oh, and you could always tell them to turn off the pit once your contractions become regular. But also, don't listen to me, because you've done this like a million times already and I have absolutely NO experience with vaginal births.

kelly manz said...

i watched those birthing shows while i was prego and you of all people should know that the birth will NOT be like that!!! i do think it will be faster than you think! i had a doula too and owe my incredible fast and pretty easy delivery all to her! i only made it to 7 before i got the epi (chloe was upside down and killing my spine)! im sure you will do great!

***** said...

I am getting excited and anxious for you. I am so jealous of Candace being there, not because I want to see you posessed but because I want to cheer you on. If I was more hoochie, I would come down there and do a couple cheers for you. And I want to use some of my midwife's fancy magic moves on you.
You are such a Super Woman! However the final hours end up, you will remember the entry of baby A and all the gloiousness of it more than the torcher and pain. That IS why you keep birthing these people.
So Exciting! Go team Baby A!

Riece said...

You are so BRAVE to go au naturale! I can't wait to hear about it. I know you're going to do great! You act like a weenie, but it's clear that with all those kids, you're completely tough underneath!

Amanda said...

Good luck girl! You are too funny and that picture is nasty. And I don't think you will have too much energy to be mean when it comes right down to it....at least I didn't.

raschel said...

I can't believe you're still going to do it!! ...actually I can...b/c of the previously mentioned love for pain you have, but I love certain painful things, and I don't think child birth will ever be one of them. I can't wait to hear all about it and see pics!! YAY for you!! Only ONE more day?! That's so awesome! So happy for you!! Are you going to have someone update your blog for baby "A"'s newest pic?! ...and,...don't forget to take one last belly pic, of your last day being pregnant EVER. :)

andi said...

You'll go fast I bet- you're a brave soul. Remember that labor and childbirth is really the fastest part of this WHOLE ordeal- (I've only done it once, so what do I know, but looking back, it was by FAR the easiest part of pregnancy and child rearing...)
Can't wait to meet the new cutie!

Tara and family said...

SOOOOO happy for you! this little reminder letter made me smile today, THANK YOU!!! (i just hope you are not in pain so much that your lover can't even touch your skin!) I agree with the rest, it's probably going to go so fast, you will be like, "huh, that's it?...lets have another one!" j/k good luck woman, tomorrow is going to be beautiful!

Lindsay said...

i know that vapid is your new favorite word... but you need to use it sparingly... you used it TWICE... just in this letter. i think you should learn some synonyms. k. love you... eek. 2 days!!!

Lindsay said...

ps.. your barbara called. she's worried about saturday.

Candace said...

Oh my, you really wrote this letter??? I thought we talked about this yesterday! I'm the one who actually attempted natural birth, remember??? I KNOW what to expect, it's all going to be okay. I'm going to do my very best job making everything as perfect as possible and I can't wait for tomorrow! It's going to be awesome! :) Love ya!

Lindsay said...

i'm retarded... i didn't know today's date.. i've been thinking it's the 14th all day! that means your birthing experience is TOMORROW!!! baby A TOMORROw!!! I'M soooo excited!!! i'll say prayers for you.

Paige said...

You do know you're CRAZY for doing this, right? Crazy. But whatever. It's your pain, not mine! Good luck!

Laura said...

I'm still here chanting good wishes for you...tiny headed baby, tiny headed baby, tiny headed baby...

Chernobyl said...

Yeah, I actually had to cover up the exorcist chick with the comment box so i wouldn't have to look at it!

You can do it! Especially with a doula geeeezzz...
Enjoy your little vacation in the hospital!

Kathy said...

Jessica, I do not think you are life-less, or dull. You also do not lack style. So why do you keep calling yourself vapid?

Good luck!

Kathy said...

Ok, so I didn't have internet for awhile and I just read all the comments from your birthday post. I get the vapid thing now. But I still think you should STOP using it!