Monday, September 28, 2009

The Scarlet Letter

So I had an OB appointment on Friday which went okay.
Well not really okay at all. Just annoying.
ME: My hands are tingling all the time and they ACHE. Especially at night.
DOCTOR: That's pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. It won't go away until you lose all your water weight and swelling. Get used to it.
ME: My pubic bone is KILLING me. Like some days I can't even get up to walk.
DOCTOR: That's your pubic bone shifting. It won't go away until you have your baby.
Get used to it.
ME: I really wanna have my baby on the 13th, will you induce me that early?
DOCTOR: Uhmm. No. Sorry. No sooner than 39 weeks. Unless you have BlahBlidlyBlah (some crazy disease) or if you have fast labors and you're dilated pretty far when you come in for an exam.
ME: OH OH that's me!!! I have fast labors!!
DOCTOR: Okay, so dilate or find "someone" to dilate you. *wink* *wink*
ME: Hmm...I guess I'll be pregnant till I'm 39 weeks.
DOCTOR: OH one more thing. As if this appointment wasn't as disappointing as it could be. Your Group Beta Strep Test came back Positive.
ME: Nice.
DOCTOR: (handing me a poster sized neon orange sign) You need to take THIS to the hospital when you go so they will give you meds to protect your baby from your HEE-DEE-OUS disease.
ME: WHAT?!?!? I can't bring this to the hospital!! I mean I know being GBS positive isn't THAT big of a deal but I don't really wanna walk around wearing the scarlet letter so EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG knows I have bacteria growing in my yoo hoo!!!
(okay so it's not really poster sized, but still)
I told Austin that since he hasn't had to go through all this crap AND he won't "dilate" me...
HE has to wear the poster sized neon orange sign.
I'm gonna tie yarn on it and make him wear it on his neck.
Or should I make a new one saying...
"My wife is GBS positive and I still have to sleep next to her at night.
Please give ME antibiotic therapy."


Candace said...

I want to get a picture of Austin wearing that around his neck...

Bonnie said...

You've got a dirty Barbara, you've got a dirty Barbara. You know, all the nurses are going to to have a code name for you and all your nastiness. They will probably post that 'little' neon sign on the front of your door so EVERYONE coming in will know.

Ok, so, seriously, this is a good thing. You definitely want to make sure they know to start your antibiotics. You can't risk getting Baby A sick, he's just too precious!

Valinda said...

I think you should start jumping on a trampoline on the 12th. That'll show the bratty Dr. I think you should definitely post the picture of Austin wearing your neon orange sign. Just because he's mean and won't dilate you.

Unknown said...

get a huge dildo!!!!! hahahaha. j/k. you definitely need to make lover wear that!!!!!

nicole said...

that totally stinks that you tested positive! =( i take it this is the first pregnancy that you tested that way?
i think that sign that you should make would be pretty funny, and knowing me, i would make my husband wear it too! and what's even funnier, is he totally would! we banked our cordblood and when they mailed us our hospital kit it came with a bracelet for the dad to wear to "remember to call" when i went in labor. my husband actually wore the thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. lol. it was a bright blue rubber one, similar to the "livestrong" bracelets that were oh so popular.
i hope you get to feeling better soon.

Amanda said...

sorry:( You make it all so funny though:) I have never heard of such a thing with that sign! Geeezzzz.

Laura said...

I had the carpal stuff with the twins and my arms felt tingly and like they were asleep for a month after I had them. I was freaked to hold them b/e it kinda hurt the sensitive nerves and I also felt like I might drop them cuz I couldn't really feel my grip. It did finally fade away but so annoying and painful.

Also I have a theory about how you got contaminated-- I'm guessing you removed all your natural defenses down there AGAIN. You deserve the neon sign, crazy woman.

debbie Kelly said...

OKAY. I'm just sayin', I'm glad on THIS side of the continent so I don't catch any of them thar GBS's.

Really, I'm so excited for you, it'll be SOOooOOo soon now.
Love you,TONS !!

PS.. I'm a BIG fan of that "helping-wink/ wink " stuff

Chablis said...

WHAT!?! He won't dilate you? Wow, the last month of pregnancy my hubby walks around with his button and zipper undone! It's like the lottery for him! And I must say, he gets the job done, my last two were both 3 weeks early! There's gotta be something you can do to seduce him!

Erica said...

Oh, the carpal tunnel thing stinks sooooo bad! I had that after both my girls for like 2 months. Yuck, yuck, yuck. My right wrist was completely asleep all the time. I hope yours goes away soon for you!

The sign is hilarious. Make your Lover wear it...even more hilarious. And we'll need lots of pics :)

Kathy said...

GBS is actually a big deal. Probably why they make you tote around a huge sign. Although, it does bring a question to my mind. How fast are your labors? GBS antibiotics have to be given in two doses four hours apart. If your labor is super quick, you may have grounds for induction. I was GBS+, went in dilated to a 7 and I thought the nurse was going to have a heart attack because I hadn't had any meds.

Sarah said...

Dude, you're hilarious.

And uh, I was GBS positive for 2 of my babies (and they gave me meds for the other one just in case). What does that mean about me? Yikes.

And while Kathy makes some good points, don't let it scare you. I have SUPER fast labors. For my last one, I wasn't even at the hospital for 2 hours when she came... so they just go what antibiotics they could in me (and you know I wasn't hooked up to anything for at least the first half hour. So yeah... And with my first, I only got one bag of whatever, not two, and it was fine.

But a sign? Crazy.

Stephanie Kelly said...

Eat a watermelon 7 hrs before you want the baby. Why you ask? There was this girl at my chubby hubby's work who was knocked up and really wanted to have a her baby early so Eric just made up this bogus lie...telling her to eat a watermelon and he bet her $10 that she will have her baby with in 7 hours. So she went home...did as Eric asked...and had that baby 7 hours LATER......NOOOO LIES for real, my husband is a GENIUS, fortune teller who is now thinking of starting his own biz "Palm Reading".

Froggylady said...

Oh my gosh, I can't believe Barbara has gone all doublewide and started hosting icky bacteria parties!

OK, get dialated a little, pressure them to induce cause you gotsta get the meds in time and you have fast labors and tada! Baby A! :) Really, it's just that easy.

Unknown said...

I was GBS positive with Addison, but they didn't make me wear a sign, they just said to tell my nurse when I went to the hospital.

And yes, GBS can be very serious, but FYI, the bacteria is normally present in about 25% of healthy women, and it's generally totally harmless to adults. So you're not gross or dirty because you have it.

And seriously, why won't Austin help you out!?

Crystal Renee said...

I was GBS+ with my first and I didn't have to wear that sign. That is a little embarrassing. But maybe it's different at each hospital. Barbara is READY as much as you are I am sure.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY wont the lover help dialate? WHAT? My hubs was happier than anything and probably would knock me up if he could just to enjoy all the lavish gifts he gets from my yahh hoo! Ha.

Can't wait to see this gorgeous Baby A

kelly manz said...

those last visits are so lame! i didnt dialate or efface so the visits were pretty useless. eat more candy and have fun with the GBS!!!

andi said...

Just say outloud the OPPOSITE of everything that you want to happen, because the opposite of that will come least it did for me. So, you know, you want to go 42 weeks, in the middle of the night with no warning and end up in a C-section. I guess that doesn't help with the orange sign though... Put some stickers and rhinestones on it, let your kids decorate it. Then it's not so bad.

David and Teresa said...

Sorry about your rotten Hoo Ha Baby but "get used to it" LOL!!!!! Seriously, I love you and I will be there soon and make you those cookies and then all will be well.


David and Teresa said...

Oh and talk about fast labors, Lindsay was born 15 minutes after I got to the hospital. Thank goodness she was born on a Sunday and there was no traffic or she would have been born in the car.
Mutha again.

Dana said...

I always get such a big laugh from you and Bonnie.. She is funny.. Sorry

Lindsay said...

i think you caught GBS from those hillbillies in nawth cayrow-LY-nya

Giaellis2 said...

I like the dildo idea and incase you don't have one............I'll lend my dolphin! It's the new rabbit :) However, how RUDE of Lover to get you into this situation and then leave you hi-n-dry at the end! Tell him to man up and put that love muscle to work for a higher purpose! Remind him his promise of "for better or worse" He may need to "wrap his whopper" though as to not contract any of your disgusting crotch rot! UGH!

Kleanteeth said...

Please, it wouldn't be very funny cuz nobody would know what the heck that is. I better he would get about ten "what it a GBS, don't you mean GPS" and then "how can it be positive."