Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Shout Outs

First of all I'd like to give a shout out to my trusty sunglasses. I know you're cheap, I know I end up replacing you with a different Target brand pair every couple of months, I know I hide behind you when I'm not wearing makeup, but I can PROMISE you that I will NEVER stick you in my butt crack and leave you there to gather all sorts of nasty butt crack sweat and smells. I'll never leave you in my BEhind while wearing my Dixieland sweatshirt as I'm trying to write a bad check to pay for my 24 pak of Coors light at Shoppers with my mom. I'll never do it to you sunglasses. You're cheap and you sit at the bottom of my diaper bag collecting all sorts of cracker crumbs and scratches, but I'll never do this to you. NEVER.

I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Bonnie who dumped her crazy kids on me last weekend so she could get a peaceful nights rest and eat a delicious breakfast at Bob Owens with her husband the next morning. If your kids weren't so DANG good and so stinkin similar to mine, I may have gone insane but instead I had a great time feeding them skittles, noodles, cake, chocolate, cheeze-its and all sorts of other un healthy treats. Thank you for allowing me to spoil their appetite and rot their tiny teeth for days to come.



I'd like to give a shout out to my new friend Summer in NC. I have to admit something to you my friend. As I stayed in your house and used your bath, I stole a dollop of some yummy shampoo in your shower. It was in a redish colored bottle, it looked expensive and it was OH SO divine for my hair. I felt the effects of that shampoo for days. I must get some, my hair is CRAVING some attention and that shampoo hit the spot!



I'd like to give a shout out to my new favorite body wash from Dial. The people who came up with this wash thought that if they named it after the most yummiest, delicious and creamiest nouns on the planet, people would buy it - and it worked. I doubt there is even a drop of yogurt, vanilla or honey in this soap but it sure makes you wanna swim in it, doesn't it? Something about rubbing yogurt, vanilla and honey all over your body makes you feel so fresh and (sticky?). I'd like to give a shout out to my super friend KempyLu who sent me a surprise birthday gift. I can't tell if she honestly DOES care about the well being of my jiggly trout butt and thighs and wants to sincerely help me OR if this is all a joke and she wants me to THINK I can repair three births of damage to my body, try it out, and then FAIL miserably in an attempt to come even CLOSE to lookin as hot and sexy as she does after three births. Whatever, I still love her!


Before she murders me in the night for not mentioning her card, I'd like to give a shout out to Amber who gave me this FABULOUS birthday card with a bling blingy peacock on it! SO perfect Amber...don't you feel good about yourself? Like the time you gave that homeless man $20 bucks? I really am SO proud of you for picking this one out! Unfortunately, I was unable to locate the envelope which looked equally as beautiful. I have to admit that I'm pretty sure it was trashed. Please forgive me for being so irresponsible. BUT, to make up for not having the envelope, I've taken a picture of the inside of the card and the sweet message you wrote to me...

Sorry you had to find out this way Bonnie.


I'd like to give a shout out to my Texas friend Laura who sent me this nice little gift to add to my birthday collection. I love how you're so attentive to the needs of my colon and you really geared your gift towards that. Thank you Laura, for caring about my waste. The bracelet is divine and it's my favorite YELLOW color! I told Laura that the bracelet is made from so many natural products that if all else fails and the pills don't work, I'll just eat the bracelet!


Speaking of removing toxins, I'd like to give a shout out to my new favorite breakfast companion, Raisin Bran! Who knew one bowl each morning would keep me on a "regular" schedule! I love it! Hopefully I won't end up needing Laura's gift even though they boast "gentle, dependable overnight relief".

I'd like to give a few more shout outs to finish up...

Uncle T and Nana, I know you don't have time to read my ever so interesting blog, but I wanted to thank you for my Ecard you sent!

Mom and Dad, thanks for sending me and Austin mula for our birthdays. Too bad it's in the form of a check and I'll either need to send it back to you to be deposited or just wait until Thanksgiving.

Sisters, thank you BOTH for forgetting to call me on my 30th birthday.

And FINALLY, thank you blog readers for keeping my "Unique Visitors" count at an average of 130!!! Who knew I had that many fans. Why aren't you all commenting?!!??!?!

16 comments:

Tara and family said...

Wow, it's been a while since I was the first one to comment. I had better hurry before someone beats me to the "publish" key! I love your shout-outs, they are really cool. Reminds me of all the Peacock stuff I have been collecting, (like fabric), but have not made anything out of it to send to you. The thought is there Jess, and one of these days, I will make something for you, since I'm saving anything peacock-related just for you and only you. :)

Bonnie said...

Ok, so there are a few things I noticed about this post. One- I love how you faked taking a picture of Miah picking out a Redbox Movie so that you could get that Butt shot.... is there any circumstance where you will NOT use your children for the sake of a good blog.
Two- I went to Bob Evans, I listen to Buck Owens, at no time have I ever met a Bob Owens.
Three- Kora looks so freakin' scary in that picture!
Four- It's amazing how eerily similar Amber's handwriting is to your own.
Five and Final- How interesting that you should end your post with the whole ...I am so grateful for my ONE HUNDRED THIRTY "Unique Visitors"... blah blah blah... Whatever, BlogBragger!

The Lowe Family said...

I love that I was COMPLETELY off on the name of that breakfast joint. It doens't matter though, it's all white trash so it's in the same category.

Amber said...

Okay, so I am seriously LMAO!!!! Your too freakin funny girl!!!! I guess its because of all your wisdom that you have now that your so OLD!

I love how you take pics of people. I am too scared to do that, but I always see the darnest people out and want too. Just wait till we get to J'actionville.....you'll be in "blogger" heaven!

And THANKS for the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G shout out!!! Little does Bonnie now....I really did write that message! Shh....don't tell her! But seriously, that is a really beautiful card! I did a great job picking it out, its my speciality, picking out unbelievable cards for people. I need to write that down on my resume.

Oh, and on a side note to Bonnie....you must really analysis all the pics taken. I had to go back and look for the "Where's Miah" in the first pic! And you couldn't find all 12 of the hiden pics on your blog..."Really Bonnie, Come On!!!!"

kimmychan1967 said...

hahaha...Jess you crack me up as usual. sorry i haven't been visiting lately. i saw ur comment on ur facebook so had to come check it out. ;) i write my blog from my myspace and then it posts it to my blogger, so i'm rarely over this way even to read my own. i did however read ur comment on mine and THANKS! ur the best. we really really really need to get together b4 you leave for NC! Maybe I can meet bonnie too!!!!

kimmychan1967 said...

btw--HAPPY 30TH! hehe it only gets better from there.....

Lindsay said...

you are SO WELCOME for forgetting your birthday... it was no problem at all.. in fact it was really easy to just forget and then not call. :) sorry.

Jess said...

1. Remove me from time out girl!
2. I can't believe I am friends with one of your forgetful sisters!
3. I won't tell you that she called me on MY birthday last month! (kidding!) :)
4. You're a hoot!

Valinda said...

I think the shout outs might just take over the favorite spot from your lists of junk! You keep me laughing in the face of many hours of hand sewing ACK!!

Deanna said...

Do you think that guy wonders where the butt smell is coming from when he puts his glasses on. GROSS!!!!!!

Andi Mae said...

Whoa, shout out for shout outs! I love all of that and am happy to hear you don't wear your sunglasses in your booty.

Froggylady said...

Why'd you have to take a picture of my butt like that? I didn't give you permission to post my hiney on your blog. I put my glasses there because my cleavage is full of marlboros and dollars to pay for my beers. I keep the big bills (like fivers) in my hightops.

David & Teresa George said...

funny jess. which of your sisters is the person jess who commented friends with? Love you and so on and so forth.
Mutha

Laura said...

Glad you liked it--your waste is always on my mind. And that guy's waste is always on his sunglasses. Doesn't he know that's why God gave us foreheads--to hold up our glasses when we're not wearing them. let me know if that video works for your buns and i'll get it and do it all backwards and maybe it'll work for my front...

Carolina said...

You crack me up...since you put us "non-comenters" on blast...I figured I would finally make my secretive presence known!!

Jess said...

Yea! I got a shout out. You do still love me eventhough I sent you that wretched video. Just kidding. I love THE FIRM. Results, results, results...so you can look sexy like me. Ha, ha. I hate when you say stuff like that.

Your pic of the guy with the sunglasses is unbeatable. You always crack me up. And many other people as well--given that you have 130+ blog stalkers!