Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Lookin in the mirror and seeing someone else

UGh. I don't know where to begin. You all know I've been tryin to work out lately. I've been bustin my butt sweatin like a pig (honestly I've never seen a pig sweat) in the gym to try and lose these last 15 lbs of flab. They are seriously the hardest to get off and I'm going insane as I look at the scale everyday and it doesn't freakin budge. Yes I'm losin inches but still. I was positive about the whole thing until like...now. I'm starting to wonder if I will EVER be me again. I have that huge pile of super sexy jeans I wanna slip my tiny butt into, only problem is, I can't find that tiny butt I used to have. I know it's buried somewhere under all this chub but why can't I reach it? Why is it taking so long to see SOME progression? I'd a thought I would have lost at LEAST one pound. No. Nada. Nothing. After 3 1/2 weeks not a POUND.

The other problem is, I still THINK and PICTURE myself in my head as the smaller version of me. I saw this lady at the gym runnin on the treadmill and her bootie was flappin in the wind like it was tryin to take off for flight. I wondered if mine looks like that when I run so I turned my butt to the mirror and did a little jog in place action only to find out...YES. I do have a butt that longs to take flight. What the crap? That isn't the me I know. To make matters worse my "friend" Bonnie was laughing her head off at the whole thing. Nice.

So once again I pose the Zoolander question of my LIFE..."Who am I?"

You know those dreams you have (or maybe it's just me) that you're hair is like super gorgeous and luscious and thick and bouncy and always pretty? I've been havin dreams similar to that where my butt is so tight and cute and I wear a bikini and there's no flab hangin over the top of my bottoms and my boobs are perky and full (as opposed to the tube socks with sand in the bottom they are now) and then after I swim in my cute swimmer I change into my hot jeans that simply SLIDE right up over my buns (as opposed to the bouncing and hopping on the bed and the floor and rolling around trying get them over my flab then trying them on with the spanx and then finally buttoning them up only to see the top half of my butt with plumbers crack hangin out the top). I mean really...I'm not a big fan of the rear cleavage. Anyway, those dreams are haunting me because I'm so happy in my sleep only to wake up and see they AREN'T true.

If only I could take some of the chub and fluff from the hips, thighs and buns and transfer it to the sad girls up top. If only.

I know, I know, it will take time to see results. I know all that. I'm just being impatient. I haven't griped about this the entire time, I've been positive and uplifting in my thinking but for some reason I hit my breaking point about 30 minutes ago and I've just had ENOUGH. I want to see some numbers go down. What is it about us girls that have to SEE the scale decrease? Who cares if we've lost 12 inches (I haven't) if the scale is the same...we're mad.

This is just a venting post, don't feel the need to compliment me or make me feel better. I just needed to get it all out.

15 comments:

Amber said...

I bet when you go to the gym tomorrow and weigh yourself, you'll be at least 5 lbs lighter after laughing our *ss off today. Didn't you know that you could lose weight by standing in the gym and talking? Umm, yeah, thats how I've lost all of my 0.19 of a pound! LOL. Your butt is hot girl! Maybe next time your on the treadmill, you could run backwards, that way no one will look at your butt bouncing:) or notice the fact that you have a sweaty *ss!!! LOL!

SM said...

First off, you really do look great, and I am not just saying that because you're down.

Second, it has taken me like 4 months on weight watchers to lose 16 lbs. And I still want to lose like... I don't know... 10 or so (although that may be stupid since that would be less than what i weighed in college)... And this last part has been SO MUCH HARDER. Sadly, the less you have to lose, the harder it is to get it off. Then again, be GLAD you don't have 30, 40, 50 lbs to lose!!

Third, look into WW. I tried to lose without any structure for a long time, and never could. I've loved WW.

Valinda said...

I'm with you on all that, when you figure it out let me in on the secret.

David & Teresa George said...

Dear Jessica
I am your mother. I laughed at that posting. Your butt is cute because you get it from me...teeheehee. Well you get some of it from me. If you took one of my buns and then cut it in half you would have both of yours so be grateful. I love you dearly.
yo mama

PS I know you are going Blah blah blah mother. But blah blah blah Jessica.

Dena said...

i want video footage of the bouncing and hopping on the bed and the floor...... :)

Amanda said...

Jessica--I saw those pictures of you at Austin's ceremony you look AWESOME! Quite being so down on yourself! You just had a baby 3 months ago! GOOD GRIEF! I wasn't perfect to begin with and i still have 13 pounds to lose--and I know it will take a few more months b/c it is coming off SLOW now. And I do realize you have been working your butt off--but try to keep perspective and realize that the number on the scale can't determine how you feel about yourself and life in general:)

Deanna said...

I could have written this post, except I haven't been busting my butt at the gym and my baby is 5 months old. How long is the baby excuse good for? I've been too dang tired to even get on the treadmill sitting next to me.

I KNOW you'll get back in your jeans. Just be patient.

the ragsdales said...

You've said this before - but muscle weighs more than fat...and if you're losing inches, you're doing something right! i bet aunt flo is visiting and you're down on your body right now, huh? it made me laugh out loud when you said "so I turned my butt to the mirror and did a little jog in place action only to find out...YES"...did you do this AT the gym? i've seen several mom bodies and yours i'd pay for.

Lindsay said...

it always makes me a little anxious to hear you talk this way because i know that your fate is someday my fate. *sigh*.... i hope that you lose that weight... so that i have hope someday that I'LL lose it too once i gain it. oh heavens... how nerve racking.... good luck sister.

Lindsay said...

oh... and on a positive note... at least you aren't one of those girls who sweats from every crevass (sp?), like sweat coming from your crack... ew. That's so unfortunate. ooh... unless you are... but i doubt it.

Paige said...

The science behind losing weight is pretty simple: calories in vs. calories out. If you've been working out for 3.5 weeks and haven't seen the scale budge, then something's up. 1. (like previous comment said) muscle weighs more than fat, 2. you're consuming more calories than before (equal to what you're expending), 3. you're not consuming enough calories and your body is going into starvation mode to conserve energy, or 4. you never realized how much a workout it was with Kora and Jakob home all day.

Janae said...

I'm sorry. I've been really down because I didn't lose anything this week, and I know I'm in it for the long haul (like forever), and I'm just predisposed to be depressive and then fat.

I think that our bodies changing so much as we have babies and age is just a hint that we are all on our way to oldness and death. Or something.

I've had enough too. Hang in there, though.

And sorry about not answering your questions- there is no way I'm pregnant, I'm just helping out with a research study for how sick I get. I don't know if I'll ever have more kids, because I'll have to have a lot of money and a lot of help to get through it. Might adopt, might just be happy with my two. Which makes me feel slightly giddy and selfish, I might add.

Okay, and Ray's real birthday is on Sunday, October 5th. He is destined for conference weekend birthdays the rest of his life. Good thing he's in love with the tabernacle organ.

And again, I'm totally depressed about my body image too. . .

Froggylady said...

Girl if you ever need to feel good about yourself, just look at me! I've always been fluffy. No matter what I do, my body is just a fluffy body and my booty. Oh heavens my booty has it's own time zone and it when I jog people think there's gonna be an earthquake! I gave you a shout-out over on the blog Marsha...check it.

Bonnie said...

So, first off... Lindsay, I hate to tell ya but your sis has the sweaty crotch! It is a running joke for the gym goers! Someday, she needs to tell ya the story!
Anyhoo... Jess! You're crazy! I know that that booty jiggles a bit, but whose doesn't! I mean, really! Sadly, the only things on me that doesn't jiggle are my boobs. You look great! I was only laughing because you were doing this crazy sideways jog in the mirror... I was laughing with you not at you! Just remember, we are giving ourselves two more weeks before we start to freak!

Marnie said...

First of all, let me say that you are a beautiful woman, a fun and crazy mom, and have a very unique outlook on life that is refreshing and entertaining to read about.

Secondly, I feel your pain. I too am trying desperately to lose the last several pounds and have found it to be hardest to lose after baby #3. Losing inches is good. It's better than not seeing any difference in three weeks. Sounds like you have a great support system with your friends that you work out with. Hang in there!