Sunday, April 27, 2008

A list of junk...mostly about my lover.

1. Sad day today in the Lowe home (or bedroom since we really don't' HAVE a home). Austin is gone. He's in Nashville right now and will be staying there tonight and finish the driving to VA tomorrow. It was hard to go to church because everyone kept asking me if I was okay. Of course I'm NOT okay, and asking me if I'm okay just makes me MORE not okay because I'll start crying. I HATE crying in front of people, it's the worst. I had to sneak away to the bathroom a few times to calm down just so I could remain composed in front of everyone.

2. We all got blessings last night from Austin and his dad gave him one as well. They made me feel better about so many things. I needed to hear everything he said in my blessing and it was confirmation to me that Heavenly Father knows EXACTLY what I'm going through and KNOWS what I'm worried and scared about. It was almost TOO weird that every single thing I have been thinking about lately was addressed. All of the kids blessings were so perfect too. They were all so individualized and perfect for them.

3. My friend (my only friend) at church asked me if I was okay (of course) and I told her I didn't want to talk about it, but I would be fine. She then asked me if I wanted some candy. I thought that was nice. Candy does always make me feel better. I didn't accept it though because my bag was already full of it. I was prepared.

4. Austin said he thought Heavenly Father was sad because it rained for the first 9-10 hours of driving. I think so too.

5. Kora won't talk about dad being gone. If you ask her she'll answer quickly and then change the subject. Jake keeps telling me how sad he is and hugging and kissing me. He was so grownup this morning helping Miah get ready for church. He said, "Mom, can you tell that I'm trying to be a kid and a dad at the same time to help you out?" He's perfect. He kept telling random people at church about his dad being gone for 6 months. He even went up to a man and said, "You kind of look like my dad." Miah doesn't know where dad is. He's only asked me about 50 times today, "where's dad" or "is dad coming". I keep telling him he's gone to Virginia and he just laughs and says, "Ooooooh, tomorrow?" Crazy nut.

6. I need to find a countdown to put on my blog for Austin's return. Even though he'll be coming back in about a month for Jake's baptism, I'll make it for the full 6 months so I can see how many days I've made it through and how many I have left to go. It might be a tad depressing at times, but I think it will help.


Tara said...

What an SWEETHEART Jake! What would the world be like if all the boys were like your Jake. just melts my heart! You are going to be OK, I can tell there is a brave streak in your blood. Deep down, under the pregnant tears, is one tough mamma. I am mostly impressed at how you are doing something SO hard, but you KNOW is right, because you are listening to Holy Ghost. I can't help but think that you will recieve blessings ten-fold from your faithfulness, and someday you will understand why things happen. That's my hope for myself as well. :) I love your counter too. It's sweet with the couple on it. Hang in there Jess! Call me if you need anything.

Unknown said...

Kids are angles....aren't they???? Your kids will help you through this hard time and you will all be even stronger:) Your pregnant so your allowed to cry extra.

Unknown said...

Steve was amanda--of course

Vagabond Mother said...

I guess I should appreciate having Andrew around even if his family is hell crazy. Luckily, they're finally gone.

Here's some candy or something.

Deanna said...

Hang in there!!! And know that you have 2 friends at church. :)


Unknown said...

What precious kids!! Be strong. It will be over before you know it!

Lindsay said...

I think Heavenly Father is the only one who can really help you through all of this... it seems like the most other people can do is do things that little kids would do like give you candy or a hug or a pat on the bottom... oh wait... i think that's just enos. I'm so proud of Jake. I can picture Miah's face when he's asking where's dad? It makes me laugh.. i love his little expressions. Give Kora a big hug from Ni. I think she needs it.