Friday, November 22, 2013

10 things no one ever told me about homeschooling.

as most of you know, i've pulled my three oldest children out of public school and have begun to homeschool them.  huge.  i know.  there were many reasons, inspirations, prayers, etc. that belong to that decision, but that's another blog post.  one that i'm not in the mood for right now.  right NOW, i'm in the mood to be snarky.

before i began homeschooling i had MANY friends and family give me advice, ask questions, or give warnings, but, here is a list i've compiled of 10 things that no one ever told me about homeschool.

1.  my Lover will still come home at the end of his work day and ask me what i did today.  "what did i do?  uhm.  how about teach three different grades and 8 different subjects to three kids, grade papers, give homework, clean house, do laundry, make lunch and have dinner ready by 5:30?  why?  what did u do?" butthole…

2.  there will be tears.  lots of them.  probably every single day since i have one child who is hyper sensitive and interprets every suggestion and all positive redirection as a fault.  seriously.  it's like this, you forgot number 4.  TEARS.  can you try to use better handwriting?  TEARS.  make sure you are always indenting new paragraphs.  TEARS.  time for a potty break.  TEARS.  it's lunch time!  TEARS.  it's just never ending.

3.  regardless of how unimportant something is, i will forever be self conscious about people judging my grammar.  should i capitalize that?  i wonder if a comma should go before AND after that word.  if i  screw this facebook post up i swear everyone is going to think i'm messing up my kids!!  i know you all are!!  you're judging me right now with my non-capitalized words and fragment sentences!!  shut up!!  look away!!  look away!!

4.  i will probably learn way more than my kids will learn.  this is a big one.  and it's kind of cool.  not only am i learning school stuff, like historical events (i never paid attention in school so everything is new to me), and things written in the book of mormon, but i'm also learning so much about my kids.  i'm learning that jake LOVES to learn.  he loves to just accumulate knowledge.  and kora loves being praised for doing well.  she loves awards and certificates announcing how smart she is so she can hang them in her room and be proud of herself.  and miah loves teaching his younger brothers.  he loves knowing something that they don't know and showing them how to do it or telling them about it.  especially when it's something he just recently learned.  i love these moments in their lives.  i love watching them be THEM.  all of which i would never have been made fully aware of if they were gone all day!

5.  i will become a book hoarder.  i don't like reading.  i really don't.  i wish i did.  i watch my friends that read and i wish i could be just like them but i'm not.  i can't pick up a book and just delve into it and have it consume my life.  although recently, i HAVE discovered that i do enjoy reading with my kids out loud.  we look forward to this time each day more than anything.  i also love collecting reference books.  usborne has become my addiction and i want every single book they've made on my shelves!  for some reason i feel like having all of those books will make us smarter, even if we never look at them.  they just look pretty and they're full of knowledge.  like we can just rub them all over our bodies and the knowledge will magically soak into our brains.  mmmm.  i like that feeling.

6.  i will need an increase in my medication.  okay.  let's not totally blame this on homeschooling but maybe say that homeschooling opened my eyes to the fact.  i'm gonna be completely and totally honest about this because i think a lot of moms, especially stay at home moms, feel all of this pressure to be perfect.  and guess what?  we don't have to be.  with instagram and pinterest and facebook and all of these cutie moms who are always dressed to a T and have cute houses with cute furniture and cute meals and cute kids posting their pictures online.  BLAH.  thats what i have to say about that.  just BLAH.  maybe that works for them.  but that doesn't mean this is where ALL of our standards need to be and certainly not mine.  just be you.  be real.  who cares if you don't have a catalog house.  who cares if you need antidepressants.  who cares if you don't wear makeup except on sundays.  who cares if your baby isn't wearing suede fringed moccasins or if you don't fulfill all of your pinterest dreams.  guess what?  just be you and be happy with you.  homeschool is teaching me to be happy with me.

7.  i will constantly wonder if i'm doing the best thing for my kids.  let's put it this way.  i KNOW i've made the right choice.  100% without a doubt i KNOW this is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. but each and every day i pray asking for guidance to allow me to know if i'm teaching them the way they need to be taught.  if i'm doing everything i can to help them NOT become dumb and dumber.  it's sometimes really stressful but it's a positive weight on my shoulders because if i weren't always questioning it, it would mean i didn't care.

8.  i get to make up really inappropriate sentences when i give spelling tests.  what the cuss people!!?  this is one of the best parts!  how in the cuss did u forget to tell me this part?  our spelling tests go a little something like this:  SPEAR.  a bratty girl threw a spear into a man's head.  EAR.  the spear went so deep it came out of his ear.  HEARING.  he lost all hearing afterward.  PIER.  shocked, the man with the spear ran all the way down to the lake's pier.  BEER.  he thought that if he drank a beer it would help him forget about the pain.  WEIRD.  instead, the beer just made him feel weird.  APPEAR.  then he started to have hallucinations and had past relatives appear to him.  SERIES.  after a series of these dreams, he fainted and died on the pier.  MATERIALS.  the girl who threw the spear gathered all of the materials she needed to cover her murder.  DISAPPEARED.  after lots of digging, she threw his body in a shallow grave and just like that, he disappeared.  EXPERIENCE.  she had concluded that this whole experience wasn't what she thought it would be.  BEARD.  so instead she just decided to grow a beard and go home.  let's just be honest.  you don't get that awesomeness in public school.  homeschool FTW.

9.  things will come out of my mouth that i would have never envisioned myself EVER saying.  let me just give you some examples.  "kora, go dig that rotisserie chicken out of the garbage and see if you can pull off a few bones to save for later."  driving passed the high school, "see that place jake?  you'll never go there."  "miah!  please stay on task!"  "we can eat our cells AFTER dinner."  "if you guys keep up the fighting we'll be doing school all day!!"

10.  this will be one of the greatest and most life changing decisions i'll ever make.  truly.  everyday i'm so thankful that i have made this decision to homeschool.  i wouldn't change it for anything.  i love the spirit that resides in our home all day.  i love having my kids near, YES, even when they're being total buttheads.  i love watching them learn.  i love going at their pace depending on their special needs.  i love being inspired by other homeschoolers i follow on instagram or facebook.  i love how close it has made our family become.  i just love it.  all of it.


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot said...

Loved this so much. So happy for you guys and like I said, supermom. This part made me want to cry...

"who cares if you don't have a catalog house. who cares if you need antidepressants. who cares if you don't wear makeup except on sundays. who cares if your baby isn't wearing suede fringed moccasins or if you don't fulfill all of your pinterest dreams. guess what? just be you and be happy with you."

For reals. Dont be surprised if I quote you in a blog post or put it on facebook.

zoo keeper said...

Hahaha! I love you Jess and #3 I'm the saaaaaame way. I think to myself "they're going to blame it on the fact that I was homeschooled"! Really though, "they" can suck it.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I seriously laughed out loud so hard and cried with emotion right after!!

It was genuine
It was real
It struck a chord in my heart

Jessica George Lowe, you are, I wish I was stationed with you

We'd be bffs lol


Amanda said...

HA. Ha. HA.
You always make me laugh.
I especially loved the "if your baby doesn't wear fringed mocc's!" HA!
I am not on pintrest. I am not on Facebook...never have been. And I waited a long time to go on instagram for this reason. And daily I debate about stopping instagram. I don't care to keep up. I can't. So I don't want to see it! And also...It takes up too much of time when I would rather have my nose in a book! SERIOUSLY. Just devoured in one day "The fault in our Stars" yesterday. I hadn't read a book for myself in at least a year...maybe 2. Only reading P's books with him. And They are good....but I LOVE reading and I needed a good adult read. It was refreshing. It made my week. Pick up that book....try it! Of course I had a sick kid home yesterday and read off and on all. day. Not a normal day. BUT FUN!

Keifersgirl said...

Again...I don't KNOW you, but feel like we, too, could bffs! I, too, home school my kids (out here in I-dee-hoo) and can relate to SO many of these! Especially #3. Every. Day I think about this. Even now, in this comment I feel like since I am a "homeschooling mom", people will be judging my every word. The thought of "messing up my kids" for LIFE comes to me on a daily basis!! I was pleasantly surprised to see you pop up on my "feedly" and, yet again, (did I use those commas correctly??!) you have made me laugh!

Valinda said...

Hats off to you!! That whole home school idea makes me twitchy! You are such an amazing mom and a huge inspiration.

Rachel said...

I, and my 6 younger siblings, were homeschooled from the start, and I'm confident to this day that it's the best decision our parents made for us!! And my Mom said she learned SO much more the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc...time through school than the 1st time! It's a great way to get an excellent education!