Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sweaty Hair Tomato Face

I've discussed this with you guys before,
but I felt it needed a post all it's own.
I went to the gym today and busted my butt so I can keep up my BUFF looking body you can see in my Facebook profile picture.
It's not easy being THAT hot.
Anyway,
as toned as my hot bod is, my face is a different story.
Why oh why must I be so heinous after a workout?
Remember in middle school when it was the cool thing to make yourself faint?
All the girls would line up against the basketball court fence for their turn.
We'd stand, with our heads between our knees, hyperventilating for a minute and then flip our heads up against the fence while another girl would press on our necks until we lost consciousness and fell to the ground.
Stupid, I know.
If you didn't do that in school...
well,
neither did I, I'm just sayin.
Anyway, remember how red the girl's face was who was about to faint?
She looked like a freakin tomato.
Well,
that me after I work out.
Even worse, since having Gusser Guy, something weird has happened to my chin/mouth area. It's as if it has no blood flow because that entire area stays as pale as a can be.
It's not so bad when I'm tanner, but right now it's horrible.
Could I BE more pale?
I know people are staring at me wondering what the crap is up with my face.
I hate it.
Why am I always the awkward one in EVERY circumstance?
Oh well, I guess it matches my sweaty butt/crotch, my SOPPING wet with sweat hair and everything else heinous about my face and body.
Enjoy laughing at me like everyone else at the gym does.
I even broke my face down and pointed out my "favorite" parts,
just for you.


Maybe if I had THESE I'd look hot no matter what fruit my face was.

47 comments:

raschel said...

you are a nut!! what program are you using to edit your pics? it's very entertaining! :)

Bonnie said...

Oh my gosh, I've got the wrinkly neck and white mouth syndrome too! My face doesn't get as red, but remember when I started that Retin-A and my face was not only Tomato-y but peeling as well. YUCK! You look soooooo much better than I did!

By the way, lovin the eyebrows. Not so chula-ish. BEAUTIFUL!

Brandi said...

LOL LOL Ok Seriously you are a tomato, I can relate. I however don't work out, shame shame.

NO one ever told me about this fainting trick, I was SO ripped off as a kid.

julielollar said...

I have the same problem! You look beautiful anyway. I LOVE your blog and your fam is adorable! :)

Michele said...

Hmmmmm. Hotness has never really been a problem for me. When I run it's always in slow motion.

Deanna said...

I have very clear memories of the girls locker room at the middle school...watching the crazies make each other faint before gymnastics class. I never participated either.

About that picture...how are we supposed to see anything with all of the writing and arrows? You're a nut!

Deanna said...

haha...just noticed that raschel and I both called you a nut! Must be true.

Giaellis2 said...

I can't tell where your sweatshirt ends and your face starts! Seriously, how do you live with that mug? YIKES! ;)

dena said...

lovin' the brows!! did austin hide your tweezers...what inspired this change of all changes?

dena said...

oh, and very good on the tomato as a fruit thing. you googled that to make sure you got it right so bonnie didn't whip up on you, didn't you?! or did you remember that all the way back from grade school. i don't know if i woulda been that "on"; must be the increasing blood supply to your head (BAM! i crack myself up! :)

Laura said...

I know exactly how you feel. I love working out. But I hate the walk of death, walking past everyone after a work out with a sweaty, red face and hair matted to your face as well. I dunno how some girls look so good after a workout. I'm in shape, but I still sweat like crazy...I don't get it. But it's healthy to sweat, so oh well!

David and Teresa said...

Your welcome Jessica. Hope you don't get much higher on that forehead. It is looking pretty thin.
Love Dad

Jill said...

You crack me up! But you ARE beautiful and I bet you are even with your red face and white chin. I hate how red my face gets when I work out. If you saw me, you might think I was about to have a heart attack or something because I get so red. So embarrassing!

Dear Matt said...

Umm, lets look on the upside of things....you ARE working out! Unlike me:(

And maybe your face is just red because its the reflection off your sweatshirt?

word v:amismso

Adam & Brandi said...

So what do you do with the kiddos? I think I remember you saying something about a daycare.
Also, I noticed that you forgot to say in the blog entry that no matter how tomatoe-y you look, that you still looks beautiful! And your husband thinks so too. That's why you have not 1 but 100 little chicks running around.
nontedly is the word verification.

***** said...

Whatever! everyone is only looking at themselves in those gyms...the body builder to the fatty--just thinking about themselves. Work it.

The word verif is a good one: inewty
--it sounds like a bellybutton discription.

Crystal Burch said...

OK--#1 I think that ***** is probably right. Everyone at the gym is either worried that they look bad or obsessed with how good they look. Probably not much looking at each other going on. Although, I do get super paranoid as to how crappy I look too! Good point ***** but lame that I can't say your name!
#2 Really?? I thought that passing out thing was fairly new. Now kids actually choke each other but pretty much the same thing. There was a whole Dr. Phil show on how dangerous it is b/c a boy died. Scary!!!
#3 B/C I know you want a laugh...that mysterious white patch is quite odd! My paleness is pretty much unmatched right now so I feel the pain girl! The only difference b/n you and us is you are drawing on your face pointing out flaws and we are trying to hide them! Love it and love ya!

kimmy said...

girl, you are so beautiful...quit haten on urself!!!! :P if ANYONE is staring at you at the gym it's cuz ur so beautiful!!!

Ashley @ Little Miss Momma said...

Officially my new favorite post EVER!

Rachel C. said...

Who would have thought that less than 48 hours after discovering your AWESOME blog it would be your big SITS day? Congratulations, I'm so happy for you!

Genny said...

Found you through SITS and am so glad I did! Hugs to you!
Genny

Dawna said...

Happy SITS day!

You look great! I too am freakishly pale. Honestly, if I step outside, just as the sun is about to set, I get bombarded by moths, as I am the brightest thing in the yard! The kids think it's hilarious!

What is this gym you speak of? Completely foreign to me...

Georgina Ragazza said...

Oh my!... My face does that when I *walk down the street*. Not good. If the Powers That Be had wanted me to be thin, they wouldn't have invented biscuits.

Kudos to you for even going to the gym - I have no clue as to where my local one is. My daily exercise regimen consists of stretching for my tea mug. ;)

nicole@http://theclarks-nicole.blogspot.com/ said...

great blog. I love it. You are working out so do not worry what you look like afterwards. People know you are working out and staying healthy. If you do not sweat and still look awsome after a workout, you did not work out hard enough. Love it!

Judy Harper said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the picture, not the face but the descriptions will stay with me all day. lol Over from SITS to say hello!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Is it possible that we are sisters?? Just sayin' . . . because I look exactly like this after the gym. :) Stopping by from SITS.

pamelahazelton said...

From one tomato-face to another - rock on!

Jen said...

LOL!

That really is an unfortunate side effect of pregnancy. I bet its just as annoying as loosing bladder control. ;)

The Millennial Housewife said...

Happy SITS day! Love your blog - you are too funny! Enjoy your big day!

Mandi Miller said...

Oh my gosh!! My face does the SAME thing!! What's up with that?

Dixie Mom said...

My face does the same thing too! I think I scare people...like they think I'm going to have a heart attack!! But...I don't have great skin like you so I look a little more blotchy!

Mama Lisha said...

Nice Eyebrows!

CoconutPalmDesigns said...

This post is absolutely hilarious!

Happy SITS Day from one of your new followers!

Cheers :-)
- CoconutPalmDesigns

About the Author said...

I'm a Penny too...love the header, and your family is beautiful :) This post is too funny!

Andrea said...

Haha I never did the fainting thing but I DO get insanely red after a workout. My son does to when he plays outside. So sad!

Kristi said...

Woo, sweaty butt/crotch is the worst! I hate walking around the gym wondering if everyone is looking at the massive wet spot on my behind - especially if I was doing the stationary bicycle. But now I don't have to worry about it anymore. You know why? Because I don't have any time to go the gym thanks to my two baby girls who suck every ounce of energy and time from me. Thanks girls for helping mama avoid sweaty butt!

Untypically Jia said...

Oh please, you are so not tomato face. Try being irish/scottish with red hair and rosacea. I'LL show you tomato face LOL.

Tisha Matthews said...

wow! your family photos are amazing. How did the photographer catch the baby in the air? oh! And your other baby in your hand? That is amazing!

~Tisha

The Garden Bell said...

Brilliant header, brilliant post, brillant words. Just plain brilliant

Jenn Erickson said...

Okay, I hate you (*wink*): even in that last photo you're still beautiful! Can't say I ever played that game in high school, but I can certainly relate to having a hot, sweaty, tomato head after I work-out. Glad I'm not the only one ;-)

Young Wife said...

Congrats on your SITS Day!

kimkircher said...

Just found your post. What fun! I, too, am guilty of the fainting thing. Or, rather, I HEARD about girls that were doing it.

Carrie said...

I thought I was the only one who got red-faced with no blood flow in the mouth area? Guess not... how fabulous to have a tomato-faced "SITS-tah!" Hey, at least we work out, right?! I always think I look like Homer Simpson in reverse with the face thing.

Jennifer said...

Stopping by to say hi and happy SITS day! Love your blog. If you are working out in an actual away from home, around other people gym you are way ahead of me already! Kudos for that. I use the treadmill at home and get paranoid if the cat stares at me too long! (stop looking at me cat you are fat too!)I am off to read more of your blog.

KMS said...

This post cracked me up. Plus, it's spot on. It's amazing how transformed my appearance is after a workout. I get the red and the sweaty, but the random paleness and bloat? Come on.

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

Anyone who posts a photo like that of themselves (*with* diagram) deserves to be laughed at--I mean listed to. Thanks for a good chuckle. Oh, and five children and a husband deployed? You are my new hero. Seriously. And lastly, your photos of the fam are amazing... little August? I'm in love. By the way, congrats on your SITS day. You deserve it!!

Monica Fernaays said...

Stopping in from SITS - this is hilarious. I am exactly the same way, I'll have people ask me if I am ok, just because I am so red...Great Post!