Friday, July 31, 2009

A Ransom Note

Many of you already know that as LDS, we don't display the crucifix in our church or temple buildings. We don't wear cross jewelry or have crosses hanging in our homes. This is because we choose to focus on Christ being Risen instead of dwelling on his death on the cross. We also know that his sacrifice was made in the Garden of Gethsemane, not as he hung on the cross. For more on that, go HERE.

On our recent trip to Texas, Kora and I stumbled upon a collection of crosses that hung in my mother's bathroom. Although they were very pretty and decorative (except for one that was made of nine inch steal nails...*shiver* heinous) we didn't feel that they needed to be displayed. It was a nice opportunity for me to teach Kora what we believe and why.

*Please note. I do understand that many of my readers are not LDS and even some who ARE still display crosses in their homes, on their jewelry or tattooed on their ankle *cough* Bonnie *cough*. Do not take this post to heart as I am not condemning you to burn in hell because of your adoration of the crucifix. In other words...chill.

After a lovely lesson with my 6 year old, we thought it would be funny to take all the crosses down (while she was at work) and hide them. Today I received a call from her (which will soon be my next wanna-be, "The Mutha Part II) asking me if I knew where they were because she had blamed the cleaning lady for stealing them and she needed to know if she needs to apologize. Yes Mutha, you do. And do I know where they are? Oh yes...yes I do. Here is my response to your phone call...


Dear MawMaw,

We have recently come into a situation. By now you have noticed that your "beloved" crosses have vanished. Koko and I have taken the crosses and hidden them in different spots around your home. We would love to tell you where they are...but we cannot. However, we will propose a deal to you if you're willing to accept the terms.

Koko and I would love to decorate your now blank bathroom wall in lovely sconces, Fleur De Li's, and other pretty decor. We will scower the NC shops for the perfect combination of such. Each time we find a new addition to add to your wall, we will post a picture of it on my blog for you to view. If you approve of the decor and are willing to use it in replacement of one of the crosses, we will then reveal to you where one of your crosses are hidden.

We will save all of your new decor until you visit us in October. At that time, you will be able to retrieve all of your new treasures and take them home to display on your bathroom wall.

Do what you will with your discovered crosses. Just keep in mind that we will return to Texas soon and if we see them hanging up, we may feel obligated to take matters into our own hands once again.

Please let us know within 24 hours if you accept the terms of this proposition. We will be waiting for your answer.

Signed In Blood,
Koko and Your Absolutely Wonderfully Interesting Middle Child
PS...Mutha's don't need love.
PSS...DO NOT attempt to threaten me in any way that may cause my blood pressure to rise for the sake of my poor growing baby A.

15 comments:

Kathy said...

Okay-so I was laughing while I read this because it reminded me of the time that I made my mom get rid of clothes that were 10+ years out of style and I thought she would have a heart attack.

Your poor, poor mother.

Laura said...

hahaha. Your mutha's poor cleaning lady. She'll have to buy her something pretty to make up for calling her a thief.

nat said...

wow...i can't wait to see how this one turns out...poor cleaning lady

Staci said...

hahahh Wait isn't your mom LDS..well I know they are converts but is it too hard for her to part from her crosses..just curious :S. I love your fun lil plan..I'm excited to see what develops.

The Nugen's said...

I am so offended I will never read your blog again...I have a cross on my ankle too. Just kidding! I am excited to see how your mutha will respond. How many crosses did you take down/hide?? Maybe your readers can particpate too! Let us know.

Froggylady said...

Love it!

Dana said...

i can wait to see your mom's answer... brillant.

Tara and family said...

um, ok. Hits a little nerve, but your cool Jess. loves!

Valinda said...

LOL Your poor mother! Haven't you given her enough excitement lately? I like the idea though maybe I ought to try it out the next time I visit my mom there are some things in her house that could go!

Bonnie said...

I have so much to say about this, I may actually run out of room. First off, I can't believe that you, being this wonder and devout member of the LDS church, did not show a little more remorse in the fact that a) you STOLE from your mom b) she accused her cleaning lady BECAUSE you stole from your mom c) you are committing felonies in the arena of EXTORTION and BLACKMAIL! Utterly disgraceful!

Also, I will have you know that I received my tattoo before I was baptized, and so it is as if I don't even have a tattoo, well, as far as Heavenly Father's concerned, right? I'm clean as the newly fallen snow. Ahhhhh, say what you will. I will not resort to your childish games.

Oh and I know a therapist that specializes in Middle-Child Syndrome. All these attempts at getting your mom's attention, good or bad, should really be addressed before you ruin your middle child, Kora.

By the way, how is your blood pressure today?

David and Teresa said...

Jess
I do not look at the crosses the same way yo do. I look at them as decor. I will find them and display them again (LDS or not). I do focus on the resurrection and not the crucifixion. Actually, I did not accuse the cleaning ladies. I merely asked if they had taken them down to clean and forgot to put them back as they do that at times. I did tell her that I would not put it past you to take them down. She was very sweet and understanding but I was very embarrassed. She told me that, "your daughter should have more respect for you and not take things that are in your home." Are you the daughter that wore a cross necklace as a teenager? I am old and cannot remember. If so, I allowed you your individuality and did not judge you. I have also never removed the tatoos from your your body and hidden them from you. We all have our free agency and should not judge, that is what makes this world great. Bonnie, I appreciated your comments. Kathy, what you did to your mom was sweet. My girls have done that for me at times and I loved it. I am not very fashionable and Jessica is. I value her opinion in that area. I am a convert, yes, but have never had a thing for crosses until I found the real pretty one that started the collection. Sometimes people do things that we cannot change and we want to so badly. We need to realize that some things we cannot change and move on. Please find me the 4 items and I would love to display them in my house. I love you and Koko dearly. Mutha

The Lowe Family said...

Hmm....NOTED.

Lindsay said...

oh my.. what scandal.. this IS a topic of dicussion apparently. does nobody get that it's a JOKE? yeah.. guess not.. at least IIII understand. i like games.

Amy Herfurth said...

When I see a cross, I immediately think of pain and suffering. Thus, I choose to decorate with pictures of Christ, rather than symbols of the implement of His death. But I guess I can't talk...I drink Dr. Pepper and decaf coffee!

Amy Herfurth said...

I guess no one is perfect!