See that small little silver package in front of theblue hand picture? That my friends, is the jackpot. Whats contained inside is...
A Day at Heritage Spa for:
A prenatal massage
And, Flowers :)
I CAN. NOT. WAIT.
2. Another card I got that isn't shown above because of reasons I'll explain, is shown below. This card was from Kora. She made it at school. When she came home of Friday she pulled it out immediately and gave it to me and said, "This is really bad, but my teacher MADE me make it. I'm not gonna give it to you because it's really bad but I want you to see it."
Really bad? What could be "really bad" that was made at school by a Kindergartner? At first I thought she meant the job she did on it but it's clear to me that her color scheme is not bad at all. A little gawdy, but not "really bad".
THEN. I opened the card and read the poem which went with a little prop that was attached to the top of the card. A tea bag. A small Lipton tea bag. Kora stared at my face to see my reaction as I read the poem. She was waiting for me to freak out I think. She said quickly, "I TOLD my teacher we don't drink tea, I TOLD her. She said you didn't have to drink it but I didn't even wanna give it to you." I calmed her down and told her it was just a cute poem and tea wasn't something SO bad that you shouldn't even get near it. Some people drink tea just like we drink milk or water. It's really no big deal. OHHHHHH, OOOOK, she said. She snatched it up and ran upstairs to hide the "naughty" contraban in her room. She likes being bad without REALLY being bad.
That night, Jake wa sin Kora's room and FOUND the tea bag.
He ran to find her, questioning her up and down on WHERE she got this tea bag? Why it was in her room? Did she use it? He reemed her as if he had found a pak of cigarettes. After she explained herself, he took the card downstairs to show ME saying, "Can you BELIEVE what Kora's teacher gave a group of KINDERGARTNERS?!" Oh mercy Jake...not you too...I let him reem me as well instead of trying to calm him down. When he's passionate about something there's not stopping him. When he was done, he took the card upstairs to destroy it. Heaven forBID there be an available tea bag in our home for someone to be tempted to use.
3. Summer is almost here and that means spending every possible day at the beach with my kids. I can't wait. But what I CAN wait for, is having to show my sweet friends my chubbiness. Don't you hate that? The first time your friend sees you in a swimmer, it's so embarrassing. Clothes hide SO much and swimmers are SO unforgiving. Because of this dilemma, my Summer Sister was smart enough to devise a plan. Here's the plan. We will host a "Fashion Show" the first day we all gather at the beach in our swimmers. One at a time we will have a turn showing ourselves to each other. Pointing out all that we hate about our butt, thighs, belly, boobs, arms, and what not. Once everyone has a turn, we aren't allowed to complain about it anymore...not for the rest of the summer. They'll know that we ALL know what is there and how we feel about it. Period. I think it's a fantastic idea. I can't wait for SUMMER to go first.
4. This one is for my Summer Sister. She came to my house one day. The ONE day I made dinner for her. I never make dinner for her and her family but she always makes dinner and has US over. I really suck as a friend, but I suck MORE as a cooker so...whatever. Tangent. Okay so when she came over she saw my big 2 lb country crock butter container in my refridgereator. She said to me, "Do you ever like finish this completely?" My answer to her was YES. Yes I do, and here's proof. DO you wanna know if I feel like a total LARD butt once this is all gone? Knowing that the 2 lbs of LARD that WAS in here, is now spread onto my thighs, my stomach...that new arm cellulite? Yea...that's the lard. Do I feel nasty knowing it's inside my sweet children's bellies and we're all just a bunch of fatties eating lard? My answer...Nope. I'm so excited when I finish one because it means I can buy a new FRESH one. I love the fresh ones that have the butter swirl at the top. I love adding MORE cellulite to my buns to show to my friends during our beach fashion show. I love it.
5. My talk. Oh man it went well, I think. As we pulled up to the building I told Austin we could just drive away and never go to church again. He said, "ORRR, we can just be done with our talks in 15 minutes." Fine, I guess that's a better idea. I was as calm as I could be. I don't know if I got blotchy but my cheeks were sure flushed. After wards I went to the bathroom and held my cold hands on them to try to simmer them down a bit. I got lots of compliments and so did Austin. He did a great job! If you're interested in reading it or you just wanna have it in your stash of talks so you won't have to write one when it's YOUR turn to give a mother's day talk, you can leave me a comment asking or email me and I'll send you a copy. You have to promise to not make fun of me though, or if you do, don't tell me.
6. I found Miah like this in my room today watching a movie. See that little head sticking out of that laudry basket? Miah said something funny the other day when Austin was telling him he was acting like a monkey. He asked Miah if he ate banana's and Miah said, "No. I eat donuts because they make me more blacker."
7. Ohhh, my little papasan baby love. You're WAY too big for that seat but you sure love resting in it and pushing it up next to the couch and the window so you can use it to stand in and be rowdy.
8. Did ANYONE notice that I completely SUCK as a blogger and forgot to do my "Double Dose of LOVE on 9" drawing? Sorry, I was stressed about my talk on Saturday when it was actually NINE and for some reason I thought nine was on Sunday and then realized I was wrong and then...whatever. Anyway, what I did was write all of my 61 followers (well really 60, I have ONE anonymous follower but I didn't include "it" because you can't win if I don't know who you are) on a piece of paper and put them all into a container. It's a special container. The TEA container. Oh no...
I had Miah be the lucky drawer this time and he pulled out two names who will be my winners this month. They are...
I need you two ladies to email me (email address is on the side) with your mailing address so I can send you a prize for being a lovely follower of mine. And not to be a pain in the rear, but hurry because I'd like to go to the post office tomorrow since I have other stuff to mail including Austin's Bar Fees that are due and almost late since I didn't mail it off when I was supposed to. Shhh, don't tell.
Remember friends, I'll draw two names each month on the NINE just because I love my followers. OH and you can't win if you don't follow me, so FOLLOW ME!!!
PS...I have TWO lovely "Dana" readers and only ONE Dana follower. Please let me know which of you it is for future drawings. And if it's not you, then why the crap aren't you following me you terd ball....get on that!!!!
9. Eww...gag...nine LOOOOONG months. Bleck.
9. Eww...gag...nine LOOOOONG months. Bleck.