Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Junk and a DRAWING!!!

1. My mothers day was superb. Really. I'm not just saying that. I would tell you if it sucked. Usually it doesn't suck but it's so stressful that it wears me out. Austin usually tries so hard to make it perfect and the kids end up fighting so much that I just want the day to be over. Not this time. It was genuinly GOOD. The kids had many many cards to give me and many many hugs and kisses. I had chocolate eclairs in bed next to the future mother, Kora who also got a card and a rose from Dad. I gave my talk, it went well, and suprisingly my lover wasn't called back into work after chuch like he thought he would be. Here is my loot...

See that small little silver package in front of theblue hand picture? That my friends, is the jackpot. Whats contained inside is...

A Day at Heritage Spa for:
A prenatal massage
A facial
A manicure
A pedicure
And, Flowers :)


2. Another card I got that isn't shown above because of reasons I'll explain, is shown below. This card was from Kora. She made it at school. When she came home of Friday she pulled it out immediately and gave it to me and said, "This is really bad, but my teacher MADE me make it. I'm not gonna give it to you because it's really bad but I want you to see it."

Really bad? What could be "really bad" that was made at school by a Kindergartner? At first I thought she meant the job she did on it but it's clear to me that her color scheme is not bad at all. A little gawdy, but not "really bad".

THEN. I opened the card and read the poem which went with a little prop that was attached to the top of the card. A tea bag. A small Lipton tea bag. Kora stared at my face to see my reaction as I read the poem. She was waiting for me to freak out I think. She said quickly, "I TOLD my teacher we don't drink tea, I TOLD her. She said you didn't have to drink it but I didn't even wanna give it to you." I calmed her down and told her it was just a cute poem and tea wasn't something SO bad that you shouldn't even get near it. Some people drink tea just like we drink milk or water. It's really no big deal. OHHHHHH, OOOOK, she said. She snatched it up and ran upstairs to hide the "naughty" contraban in her room. She likes being bad without REALLY being bad.

That night, Jake wa sin Kora's room and FOUND the tea bag.
He ran to find her, questioning her up and down on WHERE she got this tea bag? Why it was in her room? Did she use it? He reemed her as if he had found a pak of cigarettes. After she explained herself, he took the card downstairs to show ME saying, "Can you BELIEVE what Kora's teacher gave a group of KINDERGARTNERS?!" Oh mercy Jake...not you too...I let him reem me as well instead of trying to calm him down. When he's passionate about something there's not stopping him. When he was done, he took the card upstairs to destroy it. Heaven forBID there be an available tea bag in our home for someone to be tempted to use.

3. Summer is almost here and that means spending every possible day at the beach with my kids. I can't wait. But what I CAN wait for, is having to show my sweet friends my chubbiness. Don't you hate that? The first time your friend sees you in a swimmer, it's so embarrassing. Clothes hide SO much and swimmers are SO unforgiving. Because of this dilemma, my Summer Sister was smart enough to devise a plan. Here's the plan. We will host a "Fashion Show" the first day we all gather at the beach in our swimmers. One at a time we will have a turn showing ourselves to each other. Pointing out all that we hate about our butt, thighs, belly, boobs, arms, and what not. Once everyone has a turn, we aren't allowed to complain about it anymore...not for the rest of the summer. They'll know that we ALL know what is there and how we feel about it. Period. I think it's a fantastic idea. I can't wait for SUMMER to go first.

4. This one is for my Summer Sister. She came to my house one day. The ONE day I made dinner for her. I never make dinner for her and her family but she always makes dinner and has US over. I really suck as a friend, but I suck MORE as a cooker so...whatever. Tangent. Okay so when she came over she saw my big 2 lb country crock butter container in my refridgereator. She said to me, "Do you ever like finish this completely?" My answer to her was YES. Yes I do, and here's proof. DO you wanna know if I feel like a total LARD butt once this is all gone? Knowing that the 2 lbs of LARD that WAS in here, is now spread onto my thighs, my stomach...that new arm cellulite? Yea...that's the lard. Do I feel nasty knowing it's inside my sweet children's bellies and we're all just a bunch of fatties eating lard? My answer...Nope. I'm so excited when I finish one because it means I can buy a new FRESH one. I love the fresh ones that have the butter swirl at the top. I love adding MORE cellulite to my buns to show to my friends during our beach fashion show. I love it.
5. My talk. Oh man it went well, I think. As we pulled up to the building I told Austin we could just drive away and never go to church again. He said, "ORRR, we can just be done with our talks in 15 minutes." Fine, I guess that's a better idea. I was as calm as I could be. I don't know if I got blotchy but my cheeks were sure flushed. After wards I went to the bathroom and held my cold hands on them to try to simmer them down a bit. I got lots of compliments and so did Austin. He did a great job! If you're interested in reading it or you just wanna have it in your stash of talks so you won't have to write one when it's YOUR turn to give a mother's day talk, you can leave me a comment asking or email me and I'll send you a copy. You have to promise to not make fun of me though, or if you do, don't tell me.
6. I found Miah like this in my room today watching a movie. See that little head sticking out of that laudry basket? Miah said something funny the other day when Austin was telling him he was acting like a monkey. He asked Miah if he ate banana's and Miah said, "No. I eat donuts because they make me more blacker."

7. Ohhh, my little papasan baby love. You're WAY too big for that seat but you sure love resting in it and pushing it up next to the couch and the window so you can use it to stand in and be rowdy.

8. Did ANYONE notice that I completely SUCK as a blogger and forgot to do my "Double Dose of LOVE on 9" drawing? Sorry, I was stressed about my talk on Saturday when it was actually NINE and for some reason I thought nine was on Sunday and then realized I was wrong and then...whatever. Anyway, what I did was write all of my 61 followers (well really 60, I have ONE anonymous follower but I didn't include "it" because you can't win if I don't know who you are) on a piece of paper and put them all into a container. It's a special container. The TEA container. Oh no...

I had Miah be the lucky drawer this time and he pulled out two names who will be my winners this month. They are...
I need you two ladies to email me (email address is on the side) with your mailing address so I can send you a prize for being a lovely follower of mine. And not to be a pain in the rear, but hurry because I'd like to go to the post office tomorrow since I have other stuff to mail including Austin's Bar Fees that are due and almost late since I didn't mail it off when I was supposed to. Shhh, don't tell.
Remember friends, I'll draw two names each month on the NINE just because I love my followers. OH and you can't win if you don't follow me, so FOLLOW ME!!!
PS...I have TWO lovely "Dana" readers and only ONE Dana follower. Please let me know which of you it is for future drawings. And if it's not you, then why the crap aren't you following me you terd ball....get on that!!!!

9. Eww...gag...nine LOOOOONG months. Bleck.


Michael DeSa said...

I LOVE this idea for the beach. I am totally going to invite myself to the beach with you and your gorgeous kids! By the way, which beach do you go to here? Obviously, we've just moved here and we don't know where the "good" beaches are :)

Carolina said...

I'm glad your mother's day was lovely...as it should be!!

I love that you call a bathing suit a swimmer! Where did that come from?

I also like the margarine swirl in a new tub of country crock. Margarine is bad though...but you love it and that's what matters!

Your kids are soooo cute! Jake the Tea Nazi. You're lucky that little one is there to keep everyone (including YOU) in line! What would he say if he knew we used to go to....*GASP*...McDonalds on Sunday to eat fries and sweet/sour??

FINE...I'll follow, but just know I'm doing this against my better judgement...hahaaaa!!

Kathy said...

I see that you are resorting to blackmail for all your faithful readers who actually leave comments but don't want to follow. I see how you are!

Amanda said...

Your swimwear idea cracks me up:)

Glad you rolled it in on Mother's day while I worked overtime!

I can't buy the BIG things of butter. I like little mini things. SO I can have a new fresh one sooner! I can't possibly use that thing for 6 months with marks and crumbs in it! I thought you liked mini things?

Staci said...

1.You are such a good mommy!
2.Don't you love how good your kids are to freak out over Tea!
3.hahah you ladies are so awesome and beautiful, bathing suit bodies and all!
4.Totally guilty of the country crock!
5.I want a copy of your talk!!!
6.Miah's lil head is so darn cute!
7.Izzy is so darn cute!
8.Man maybe next time :(
9.Yah for pregnant bellies and babies!

Jess said...

I'm jealous of your Mother's Day gift! Enjoy the pampering!

Cranberryfries said...

Glad to hear the talk went well and now it's all over! That picture of Miah is hilarious!

***** said...

-I'm gonna call them your Country Crock Buns from now on.
-Can't wait for the fashion show! Get that cellulite ready! I'll go first, but I'm gonna win the prize for smallest boobs and I think that wins over biggest thighs--not that you'll win THAT prize, I'm just saying... it's gonna be a good show and then we can get on with the good times at the beach. Your all invited!
-You read my mind about the talk. I wanted to hear it and see you get all shakey voiced but I guess reading is next best. Send it to me!

Tami said...

Miah in the laundry basket watching a movie cracked me up. hilarious.
Oh, and I am your anonymous follower...I am not freaky or anything, I just had someone leaving mean comments on my blog so I went anonymous everywhere. But we are facebook friends so I'm not that anonymous :)

Valinda said...

LOL I'm totally loving the tea police, Miah in the laundry hamper and Izey in the Papasan chair (my all time favorite baby item). Not loving once again I didn't win the drawing but thanks for all the smiles.

Vicki said...

Can you please fill me in on what is so sinful about tea?

Anonymous said...

Miah would get along with my girls famously. They love to sit in the laundry baskets and watch movies too. w00t for being a follower. I still can't believe I won. :D Off to send you my mailing address.

Jessica the Jacked LDS said...

our prophet has advised us to stay away from things that can become addictive. tea has ingredients in it that can be very addictive as well as coffee and caffeinated beverages like cokes and junk. i think most Mormons really stress the tea and coffee because they are specifically pointed out to us in the scriptures but modern day drinks such as cokes and stuff are just as bad for you and I'll be the first to admit that even though i DO drink them, i know i shouldn't because i DO become addicted to them. as of now, our church has taken no stand on any other drinks other than tea, coffee and alcohol but they do advise us to stay away from ANY drink OR substance that can become addictive.

we are taught to have control over our desires and our bodies and not to let our bodies control us. back in the day, Jesus and his apostles drank wine, but now we are told not to drink ANY alcoholic beverages. the same applies here. to avoid the chance of not being able to control our minds and bodies and drink sparingly, we are just advised not to drink at all. it's pretty much the same concept. self control is important to us in becoming as Christ and not falling into temptations.

we are also taught that our bodies are temples and to treat them with respect which means keeping them strong and healthy and clean.

that being said, we can drink herbal teas and drinks that are not considered "strong" drinks or addictive drinks.

hope this helps! lemme know if you have any other questions!

Goodnight moon said...

So since Summer said that you don't have the biggest thighs....then that only means that its me with the biggest thighs! Thanks!!!!!

How am I suppose to get an followers on my page since your doing all these blackmails now?!?! What happened to a good old fashion blog? Just wondering?

I love how upset that Kora and Jake got about the tea bags! Too freaking funny!!!!!

Amanda said...

I want the talk copy!

If I ever get asked to talk on Mutha's day...I will say "yes, but only if I can read my friends talk!" I think it is cruel to ask ANY Mother to talk on Mother's day!

The Nugen's said...

I am glad you had a good Mothers Day! You deserve it!! Enjoy your spa day!

***** said...

I just signed up to be a follower, you bully.

Dana said...

Cool momma's day gifts... you deserve it.. ok sista.. I think I am a follower..sometimes this whole bloggin world confuses my little mind...any who.. i am dana m.. if that helps...

dana j said...

okay im one of the danas. i was not a follower..but i have repented. i am now one of your followers....i think. ugh i dunno. im dana j.

***** said...

So if you are addicted to country crock and it doesn't appear to be good for the body, is that against the word of wisdom? MA

David and Teresa said...

I loved seeing my Isaak and his puppy cover, my Miah and his laundry basket and his cute head, I loved reading about my Jakob and his "passion" for the word of wisdom and my KoKo and her "passion" for the bad things in life. What nice presents for M Day...my son in law is so sweet even if he does shoot at bunnies. By the way, our yard is FULL of bunnies...and they all send their love. Mutha

Kim said...

So... I loved the Tea bag issue :) YOur kids really want to impress you and don't want to disapoint you. So sweet :)

Carolina said...

Since I clicked on the little follower button to prove to YOU that I'm a "devout follower" even though you KNOW I AM since I comment on EVERY SINGLE POST...don't I get some sort of a prize?? Like a "ALWAYS LEAVE REALLY LONG COMMENTS" prize or something?

Just a thought :)

Laura said...

Is that NOT a normal way to watch tv? (It takes me a really long time to wedge myself into my basket. heehee) I'm sure you did fab on your talks--you always do and send me a dang copy cuz I think they're going to be asking me soon. And tell Kempy she's a bad pretender-of-not-knowing-anything. When I asked her about your post fiasco, she's all "oh, really" and it totally gave you away. She's too unnatural of a fibber.

Jason said...

I totally realized that you missed the followers give away. But I figured with the talks, Mother's day, and what not, I wouldn't say anything. Besides, I was afraid that I will become known as that guy who's always beggin' for prizes.