Friday, December 12, 2008

Weekly Wanna-Be

Okay, I know this is a little early but I won't be here next week so I thought you could have it a few days sooner, sound good? I hate to deprive you all of my stupidity. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm entertaining myself more than anything but that's okay.

So this weeks wanna-be is a woman named Rebekka Galloweigh (spelled wrong on purpose in case she googles herself because lets face it...we ALL do it). I met this woman when I went to have dinner at the General's house while in Quantico. She is the wife of Delta Company's SPC. English translation? She's the wife of the supervisor who was over Austin's group of dudes in training. Most of you (okay like almost ALL of you except Bonnie and Jen Z.) won't know who she is and will never meet her but that doesn't mean she isn't worth watching. Bonnie and I got stuck sitting next to her during the dinner and we were forced to listen to her "advice/stories" that she felt neccessary to share with everyone.

I have to describe her to you so you have a good visual. She's a southern woman, basically a southern belle wanna be, who is in her mid 40's (probably). She's very petite in stature but very roundy in shape. She wears perfectly painted on makeup, big southern hair with big curled-under bangs and a snooty red dress suit. She holds her purse clutch as she walks around batting her eyes for attention. When she speaks, she continues to bat her eyes, lick her (too big for her mouth) teeth and take deep breaths in between sentences to make her audience wait and wonder what will come out of her mouth next. She's a Mary Kay Consultant (boy will that bring the googlers here) who didn't mind passing her business card out to everyone at dinner even though it wasn't HER soiree. She was awesome...the PERFECT person to create a character out of. I've added her to my internal list of "fun people to immitate" that I keep in my head. She was quite the interesting woman that made for some good fun and laughs. This one is kinda long, I sure hope you don't get bored.

(ps...I really don't wear USMC t-shirts every single day. It just so happens to be what I put on when I come home. But you can make fun of me for it if you want to.)

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's my girl! Beware! You may be the next "weekly Wanna-Be. Love you baby

Austin

The Willis Family said...

OMG!!!! I am DYING laughing so hard!!!!! Okay, so this is the deal.....I have your next job for you....I will get my camcorder, and I will video tape your "wanna be's" and then we can post them and make some fat cash off of it! Girl, your too much!!!!!

I love how you even made your nose look like a southern bell! All stuck up in the air like you had it!

She had such great advise!!!! LOL!

The Lowe Family said...

no way no way!! this post brought YOU, my lover, out of silence? It must REALLY be good then!!

Deanna said...

Jessica, that was hilarious. I like the name disguise. You're so clever. So that was funny and a little weird to listen to because I saw your face, but you sounded nothing like yourself. Freaky! And...how did you do that without cracking up? I thought you were going to a couple of times.

Too funny!

Deanna said...

And, how did you keep from laughing while she was sharing such wonderful advice? I can only imagine the look on your face.

Sandra Huntsman said...

Well, congratulations! Your video caught the attention of my unbelievable picky and judgemental theatre director extrodanaire husband and had him chuckling - he kept commenting on how he liked what you were doing. Wow. He doesn't do that often - and actually, he's impersonating your impersonation right now as he changes my sons diaper. Double wow.

David and Teresa said...

That was SOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! good. Baby who is Sandra Huntsman? Never seen her on here. Sounds like you might be in the movies soon. And my son in law....Wha wha what???????? out of the behind the scenes and now commenting??? Well this one really was a good one. Love you
Mutha

David and Teresa said...

Oh one more thang...oops! sorry southern belle residue on me.....Austin is right...you never know...like Candid Camera of the 1960's...when you least expect it..someone may come up to you and say...SMILE...you are the next Weekly Wannabe...teehee
Mutha

Bonnie said...

Ok that was funny and way creepy! You sounded just like her! It was like a flashback! Did you bring a tape recorder to the dinner? How on earth did you remember so much of that story!? I doubt anyone actually believes she said all that... little do they know. You must have made notes and started rehearsing that night. I was laughing so hard!

Carolina said...

There simply are no words...to describe the laughter you caused!!
You have outdone yourself this time...it's beyond comedy!
I agree with Deanna...it doesn't sound like you AT ALL!

Tami said...

You're hilarious!

Amanda said...

TOO MUCH! Your good! i could totally imagine this lady.....how did you keep from laughing at the dinner????!!!

Anonymous said...

FuNny Funny... I have met people like this....

Laura said...

i guarantee that at some point in the near future, this gets back to her. The question that no one is asking is, "Can you? Can you be there in ridiculously tight, sausage-link support undergarments, hocking eyeliner for your husband? Can you handle that?"

Marian said...

I was killing meself laughing. I'd wager "Rebekka" is either tuppence short of a shilling or completely 'round the twist.

Niece of mine you are every bit as good as Tina Faye. You were BRILL!!! Please consider sending this video to SNL -- seriously. Your next business venture?
Aunt Marian

Amy Herfurth said...

Wow, you really remembered that story good...if she only knew your walk around looking for people like her...I liked how you stayed in Character the entire time!! Keep them coming!! :)

The Willis Family said...

Okay, so I HAD to watch it again! You know, while I was on my break from getting my house staged. And AGAIN, I was LMAO! Okay, so if I send this clip into Ellen.....what if she show's it on her show and then the REAL "Rebekka Galloweigh" see's it? That might not be good?!?

Anonymous said...

How did you keep your upper lip hiked up above your teeth for so long without them drying out????!!! VERY FUNNY!!

dena said...

whoops, that last comment was me.

David and Teresa said...

You are totally cracking me up. I was laughing so loud. That was awesome Jessica. That lady was perfect for your weekly wanna be. With this many comments on your blog how will you ever top this. Love Dad

raschel said...

oh my gosh. i laughed out LOUD. this was great. i'm assuming this was a true story? this part made me laugh just reading it...i cant STAND people like this: "When she speaks, she continues to bat her eyes, lick her (too big for her mouth) teeth and take deep breaths in between sentences to make her audience wait and wonder what will come out of her mouth next."

you are so funny!!

Lindsay said...

Oh my HEAVENS... that was brilliant... although.. i DID see you lose character at a couple of points because you were laughing (on the inside) at whatever she had said next. I love this one. I'm gonna start paying attention to more people around me so i can do these too.... i LOVE this. :)

Valinda said...

Okay, I'd laughing so hard my husband had to come see what was the matter! Then he's all "Who on earth is that??? She doesn't really talk like that does she??" I reassured him you're just making fun of some poor defenseless lady who doesn't know she's being made fun of...

Froggylady said...

Oh My Gosh! That is hilarious! I love how she forgot that she wasn't pregnant, just post baby fat and how supporting our husbands is like sitting through a ceremony with uncomfortable panties. LOL

I kept waiting for "her" to say that she stood up and fell on her face because of the turnicate in her "groin area".

Jen Z. said...

So...that was histarical Jessica! Very impressive impersonation of Mrs. G! I wouldn't have been able to do that without laughing. You are AMA-ZING! Bravo!

nat said...

That was freakin great!!!!

Jess said...

Oh yeah...26 comments for this one. You are hilarious! But now I'm worried about what Austin said. Are you going to do a video about my lulu-ness?

TIffany said...

Your so funny! I loved the whole thing.

Tara and family said...

I know I hardly comment anymore and I'm MIA in the blogging world most of the time. But I want you to know that I still look at your blog whenever you post something new. This one, I have watched several times already, so I just HAD to comment finally! You are brilliant!!!! You need to audition for TV or movies or something! You really are hillarious, SNL worthy for sure. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family! love ya!

Kris said...

Oh Jess. That was both creepy and painful, yet mesmerizing. I saw about 20 people I know in that video. Hilarious.

Becca said...

What the crap!!!! Could I love you even more then I already do?! I have no clue what's going on but who cares! please say "Ball gown" one more time for me! Please please please!

Wiggins Family said...

OMG... that was so funny. Can you imagine such empowering advice she gave to all those new little boot Lt.'s wives?? Way to go, now I want to meet this lady and get more "advice" from her.... you crack me up.

Brandi said...

omg This is too much, TOO much! : D

Ladies be strong for your Marines.